Anybody hear any good jokes lately?

[casp0555]

an oldie but made me smile today.....

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.
First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows."
Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows."
Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I'm keeping all 10 of my cows."
Just then an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture carrying the biggest bull they've ever seen. At 4,700 pounds, each step he takes strains the steel ramp.
First Bull: "I think I can spare a few cows for our new friend."
Second Bull: "I actually have too many cows to take care of. I can spare a few. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."
They look over at the third bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting.
First Bull: "Son, don't be foolish -- let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."
Third Bull: "Hell, he can have all my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull."

[bigrun]

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East.





Two million Muslims die and more than a million are injured.


Iraq, Iran, and Syria are totally ruined and their governments don't know where to start
with providing help to rebuild.


The rest of the world is in shock.


The USA is sending troops to help keep the peace.


Saudi Arabia is sending oil.


Latin American countries are sending clothing.


New Zealand and Australia are sending sheep, cattle, and food crops.


The Asian countries are sending labor to assist in rebuilding the infrastructure.


Canada is sending medical teams and supplies.



Great Britain, not to be outdone, is sending two million replacement Muslims.

[bigrun]

I'm passing this on because it worked for me today. A Dr. on TV said to have inner peace we should always finish things we start & we all could use more calm in our lives. I looked around my house to find things I'd started & hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay,a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum

[casp0555]

bigs....you are nuts!

[bigrun]

Originally Posted by casp0555

bigs....you are nuts!

Yeah i know...that reminded me of Foster Brooks..He cracks Dean up in this bit..

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=...C430D1D851EE39

[bigrun]

Former President Bush and VP Cheney are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in and asks the barman, 'Isn't that Bush and Cheney sitting over there?'
The bartender says, 'Yep, that's them.'
So the guy walks over and says,
'Wow, this is a real honor!
What are you guys doing in here?'
Bush says, 'We're planning WW III.'
The guy says, 'Really?
What's going to happen?'
Cheney says, 'Well, we're going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big tits.'
The guy exclaimed, 'A blonde with big tits?'





'Why kill a blonde with big tits?'

Cheney turns to Bush and says, 'See, I told you, no one gives a **** about the 140 million Muslims!!!'

[bigrun]

TSA Offering Free Gifts With Full Body Cavity Searches Beginning October 1st.

TSA supervisor Guillermo Thomas told reporters that he enjoys his work and takes it extremely serious. “I love what I do. I’m stopping these god*amn terrorists from killing more people. Every day that I go to work I feel like I’m saving lives,” Thomas said, “Plus I get to see beautiful woman naked all day long. Lots of gross ones too, but hey, that comes with the job I guess.

http://nationalreport.net/tsa-offeri...g-october-1st/