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#1
01-04-2012, 02:59 PM
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__________________
"If you lose the power to laugh, you lose the power to think" - Clarence Darrow, American lawyer (1857-1938) When you are right, no one remembers;when you are wrong, no one forgets. Thought for today.."No persons are more frequently wrong, than those who will not admit they are wrong" - Francois, Duc de la Rochefoucauld, French moralist (1613-1680) 
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#2
01-05-2012, 08:17 AM
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SALESMANSHIP
The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship. Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success." "Very good" said the teacher. Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines" she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events." "Very good, Jenny" said the teacher.. Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath ...... Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467" he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?" Toothbrushes" said Little Johnny. "Toothbrushes" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?" "I found the busiest corner in town" said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip &Chip stand, I gave everybody who walked by a free sample." They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog crap!" Then I would say, "It is dog crap. Wanna buy a toothbrush? I used the President Obama method of giving you something shitty, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it's free, and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth." Little Johnny got five stars for his efforts, bless his heart...
__________________
“Once there was only dark. If you ask me, light’s winning.”–Rust Cohle – True Detective
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#3
01-12-2012, 04:29 PM
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Men do remember...
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. 'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night? The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met'. She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up. The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 16,' he says solemnly. Once again, the wife is touched to tears. 'Yes, I do' she replies. The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?' 'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into the chair beside him. The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years?' 'I remember that, too' she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said 'I would have gotten out today.
__________________
"If you lose the power to laugh, you lose the power to think" - Clarence Darrow, American lawyer (1857-1938) When you are right, no one remembers;when you are wrong, no one forgets. Thought for today.."No persons are more frequently wrong, than those who will not admit they are wrong" - Francois, Duc de la Rochefoucauld, French moralist (1613-1680)
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#4
01-30-2012, 09:23 AM
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President Obama walks into the Bank of America and says to a cashier, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me"?Cashier:"It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID"?Obama:"Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am President Barrack Obama, the President of the United States."Cashier:"Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the Government regulations, monitoring of the banks because of imposters and forgers, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."Obama:"Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."Cashier:"I am sorry, but these are government and bank rules and I must follow them."Obama:"I am urging you please to cash this check."Cashier:"Look, this is what we can do: One day Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank lobby into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and we cashed his check.""Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and served an ace shot directly into the center of our bank logo 90 feet away. With that spectacular shot we cashed his check. So, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you?"Obama stood there thinking, and thinking and finally says:"Honestly, nothing comes to mind. I can't think of a single thing I can do."Cashier:"Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?"
*
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#5
01-30-2012, 09:41 AM
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Quote:
 
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#6
01-30-2012, 09:44 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Hillary Clinton 2016: The "Extremely Careless" Leadership America Needs!
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#7
01-31-2012, 11:44 AM
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You guys will like this one..
__________________
"If you lose the power to laugh, you lose the power to think" - Clarence Darrow, American lawyer (1857-1938) When you are right, no one remembers;when you are wrong, no one forgets. Thought for today.."No persons are more frequently wrong, than those who will not admit they are wrong" - Francois, Duc de la Rochefoucauld, French moralist (1613-1680)
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#8
02-16-2012, 08:58 PM
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The Baptist & The Louisiana Cajun...
A Baptist Preacher was seated next to a Good Ole Cajun Boy on a flight to Baton Rouge. After the plane took off, the free spirited Cajun asked for a whiskey and ice, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.* Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips." The Cajun then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."
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Still trying to outsmart me, aren't you, mule-skinner? You want me to think that you don't want me to go down there, but the subtle truth is you really don't want me to go down there!
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