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#1
02-28-2011, 05:53 AM
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#2
02-28-2011, 03:51 PM
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Never assume someone understands
A woman was in a coma.
She had been in the coma for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever the nurse touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little 'oral sex' will do the trick bring her out of the coma. The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. What happened!? they cried. The husband said, I'm not sure; she must have choked.
__________________
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ
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#3
02-28-2011, 07:33 PM
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A rough-and-ready testosterone-fueled biker’s group pulled
over when they spotted a shapely young chick poised prettily on a bridge – about to leap into the raging waters below! The leader of the pack yelled up to her and asked “What are you doing, honey?” “I’m gonna kill myself,” answered the distraught hottie, her short skirt whipping in the wind, exposing a beautiful pair of stems. Thinking fast, the brawny brute responded, “Well, cutie, before you do anything rash, why don’t ya come down here and I’ll give you a big goodbye kiss.” After a frightful pause, she finally acquiesced and hopped down and gave him a big, sloppy, lingering smooch to everyone’s great relief. “Wow!” the bike hog sighed. “That was the best damn kiss I’ve ever had! You’re a beautiful, young, sexy and passionate person. Why the Hell do you want to end your life?” The girl sighs, wipes the tears from her big, blue eyes and says, “My folks hate it when I dress up like a girl.”
__________________
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ
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#4
03-03-2011, 05:37 PM
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Skinny Dipping
An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange, and lime trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!' The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.. ' Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.' Some old men can still think fast.
__________________
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ
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#6
03-20-2011, 07:43 PM
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A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.
So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up. In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies. The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son." So, he goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot. So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing, "We missed the "R", we missed the "R". His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?" With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was CELEBRATE!"
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#7
03-21-2011, 04:15 PM
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A guy registers at Derby Trail with the intent of sharing his thoughts. His thoughts are deleted. There is no room for off-topic thoughts. You will obey.
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