They are kidding right?

I'm moving to California and demanding my future employer pay for my surgery to turn into Lobster Man. I've always been a Lobster. When I'm put in hot water I scream.

If you don't agree then you're the worst person on the planet and I am better than you! You are an insensitive a.sshole! You don't know how it is to grow up knowing you're a lobster and living in a man's body.