Best way to talk to a friend about addiction?

IrishofNDMan · #1 04-10-2009, 07:26 PM

One of my best friends since middle school started taking different prescription drugs (not prescribed to him) such as xanax, vicodin, and methadone. At first he would do it every once in awhile, but lately it's been an every day thing and has gotten so bad that I pretty much avoid all of his phone calls because all he ever has to ask is if I have money so he can get some type of pill.

He tops it off by being a no call no show to work and sure enough he gets fired, so he def. cannot support his habit now. My other friend and I have realized how bad he has gotten (whenever we see him now he looks like a mess) and noone else is stepping up to do anything so we are both kind of in the middle on what we should do. We both know something must be done or he is going to end up in jail or even worse OD cause he doesn't know when enough is enough.

Only reason I ask what you guys think I should do is because I don't want to take this to someone who knows him. I've thought about calling his mom and not letting her know who it is but just telling her that her son needs help. Bad idea?

2Hot4TV · #2 04-10-2009, 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IrishofNDMan

One of my best friends since middle school started taking different prescription drugs (not prescribed to him) such as xanax, vicodin, and methadone. At first he would do it every once in awhile, but lately it's been an every day thing and has gotten so bad that I pretty much avoid all of his phone calls because all he ever has to ask is if I have money so he can get some type of pill.

He tops it off by being a no call no show to work and sure enough he gets fired, so he def. cannot support his habit now. My other friend and I have realized how bad he has gotten (whenever we see him now he looks like a mess) and noone else is stepping up to do anything so we are both kind of in the middle on what we should do. We both know something must be done or he is going to end up in jail or even worse OD cause he doesn't know when enough is enough.

Only reason I ask what you guys think I should do is because I don't want to take this to someone who knows him. I've thought about calling his mom and not letting her know who it is but just telling her that her son needs help. Bad idea?

Talk to him straight up and to the point. It wont help till he wants the help, but you owe it the friendship to be direct and firm.

Danzig · #3 04-10-2009, 09:05 PM

i would bluntly tell him you're not able to give him funds to pay for his habit. but, til HE recognizes the problem and wants to change, nothing will get him to quit. i'd imagine his mother probably already realizes something is up. but there's really nothing you can do. he has to do it.

hi_im_god · #4 04-10-2009, 09:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IrishofNDMan

One of my best friends since middle school started taking different prescription drugs (not prescribed to him) such as xanax, vicodin, and methadone. At first he would do it every once in awhile, but lately it's been an every day thing and has gotten so bad that I pretty much avoid all of his phone calls because all he ever has to ask is if I have money so he can get some type of pill.

He tops it off by being a no call no show to work and sure enough he gets fired, so he def. cannot support his habit now. My other friend and I have realized how bad he has gotten (whenever we see him now he looks like a mess) and noone else is stepping up to do anything so we are both kind of in the middle on what we should do. We both know something must be done or he is going to end up in jail or even worse OD cause he doesn't know when enough is enough.

Only reason I ask what you guys think I should do is because I don't want to take this to someone who knows him. I've thought about calling his mom and not letting her know who it is but just telling her that her son needs help. Bad idea?

it's not your job. and you don't have the power anyway.

but be an honest example. don't tell his mom. tell him you're so worried about him you contemplated calling his mom.

cowgirlintexas · #5 04-10-2009, 09:56 PM

My best friend killed himself due to an addiction... I wish I would have said something to him when I had the chance....

I suggest trying to talk to him if you can and the sooner the better.

Cannon Shell · #6 04-10-2009, 10:06 PM

Let him be. You can't help him until he hits bottom and asks for help. Don't enable him but he has no interest in your opinion of his habit or his mothers opinion either. The only thing he wants is another fix. Sad but true 99% of the time. As a matter of fact I can guarantee that if or when you try to help he lashes out at you, tells you that you dont know what you are talking about, that he has things under control and he didn't like that job anyway. Remember that people who are addicted dont think like the rest of us and their view of the world is far different than the reality of it.

docicu3 · #7 04-10-2009, 10:27 PM

If he is truly addicted he is rapidly moving toward the phase of his illness that is about avoiding the daily horrors of withdrawal. There are few things harder to watch in a loved one than full blown opioid or benzo withdrawal which can make DT's look like a picnic.

IMO you offer him an opportunity to competent help where other addicts have gotten treated successfully and then leave him alone until he loses enough of his life and the people who love him.

He will continue to use until he is ready to make a serious effort in recovery where he is willing to do anything to get what successful recovering addicts have......sobriety and a program. If you really want to know where to get help PM me and I'll recommend a solid place based on where you live.

docicu3 · #8 04-10-2009, 10:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cannon Shell

Let him be. You can't help him until he hits bottom and asks for help. Don't enable him but he has no interest in your opinion of his habit or his mothers opinion either. The only thing he wants is another fix. Sad but true 100% of the time. As a matter of fact I can guarantee that if or when you try to help he lashes out at you, tells you that you dont know what you are talking about, that he has things under control and he didn't like that job anyway. Remember that people who are addicted dont think like the rest of us and their view of the world is far different than the reality of it.

FTFY...

GPK · #9 04-11-2009, 05:46 PM

Chuck said it best. Nothing in this world you say or do will make a difference right now. Until he hits bottom and is willing to admit being powerless over the pills and is ready for help, leave him alone.

You are welcome to PM me as well with any questions.

#10 04-11-2009, 05:54 PM

Tell him Charlie Weis is going on a hunger strike in protest of your buddies drug use.

AeWingnut · #11 04-12-2009, 08:54 AM

I was in college and my best friend was partying more than studying. I got in his face and told him to stop it. I never saw him again. He partied his way out of school. Moved south.

The Indomitable DrugS · #12 04-12-2009, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coach Pants

Tell him Charlie Weis is going on a hunger strike in protest of your buddies drug use.

I'd first sit him down and sip on a big huge glass of beer while I tell him about Weis.

SOREHOOF · #13 04-12-2009, 10:56 AM

If you really think it's a matter of life or death, telling his family is worth a shot if he has a close relationship with them.

Danzig · #14 04-12-2009, 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AeWingnut

I was in college and my best friend was partying more than studying. I got in his face and told him to stop it. I never saw him again. He partied his way out of school. Moved south.

someone has to flip the burgers.

Payson Dave · #15 04-12-2009, 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AeWingnut

I was in college and my best friend was partying more than studying. I got in his face and told him to stop it. I never saw him again. He partied his way out of school. Moved south.

Is this another one of them dumb southerner joke??

IrishofNDMan · #16 04-12-2009, 07:21 PM

haven't figured out what to do, but here are the latest things on him.

Friday, he calls me from someone we knows house (huge druggie) and says that this kids parents are gone, he has a fifth, a bottle of liquid codine, and some xanax bars and has been living the dream life for the past couple of days. If he really thinks this is the dream life, which I actually do think he believes, then he is more messed up than I even thought.

Danzig · #17 04-12-2009, 07:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IrishofNDMan

haven't figured out what to do, but here are the latest things on him.

Friday, he calls me from someone we knows house (huge druggie) and says that this kids parents are gone, he has a fifth, a bottle of liquid codine, and some xanax bars and has been living the dream life for the past couple of days. If he really thinks this is the dream life, which I actually do think he believes, then he is more messed up than I even thought.

when he's sober, take him to a funeral home and have him make pre-arrangements.

SCUDSBROTHER · #18 04-12-2009, 08:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IrishofNDMan

haven't figured out what to do, but here are the latest things on him.

Friday, he calls me from someone we knows house (huge druggie) and says that this kids parents are gone, he has a fifth, a bottle of liquid codine, and some xanax bars and has been living the dream life for the past couple of days. If he really thinks this is the dream life, which I actually do think he believes, then he is more messed up than I even thought.

Has he ever had any self discipline or sense of reality? If he has never had much of that, then it's gunna be very hard to change him, and this situation is more a symptom than the actual problem.

geeker2 · #19 04-12-2009, 08:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IrishofNDMan

haven't figured out what to do, but here are the latest things on him.

Friday, he calls me from someone we knows house (huge druggie) and says that this kids parents are gone, he has a fifth, a bottle of liquid codine, and some xanax bars and has been living the dream life for the past couple of days. If he really thinks this is the dream life, which I actually do think he believes, then he is more messed up than I even thought.

It's not a surprise that you would be surprised. Addicts hide it pretty well until there is some outside intevention - like an OD or DWI...or death.

Treatment Program and professional help - encourge him to seek it...but don't be to surprised if he doesn't listen and at that point you have been a good friend....don't enable -move on.

Bigsmc · #20 04-13-2009, 05:00 AM

It took a friend of mine three trips to ICU before he finally admitted he had a problem. During the first ICU stay, I told him he needs to admit he has a problem and I was there to help. He denied there was a problem while in ICU hooked up to a gaggle of machines.

The second and third trips to ICU, I refused to visit him. After the third time, he went straight from the hospital to rehab. He's gotten his life back together and has a nice job. So far so good.

Cannon and GPK are 100% correct. He will not stop until he hits rock bottom, I know you think he has hit bottom by losing his job and hanging out with the wrong people, but in his mind, he's not even close.

Offer to help him get better. Do not help him get worse. He'll get pissed at you and if he survives the deal, he'll understand, someday.