Joke of the Day

[Downthestretch55]

Boating issues


It was a the end of the day for the boaters on a small lake. One boat had not returned. The dock master could see the boat on the water. He calls out "Boat number 91, it's time to return to the dock!"

His boss hears him call out to boat 91. The boss says to the dock master, "We don't have a boat number 91."

At that, the dock master pauses, then turns to the boat on the water and calls out, "Boat number 16, do you have a problem?"

[Downthestretch55]

Crowd Control (Repent, been to Denver lately?)

An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver, Colorado, for being smart and funny and making her point when confronted with an angry passenger. During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.

Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"

Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the gate."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore, "F--- you!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."

The crowd applauded - and the errors of United were forgotten in a moment of almost universal bliss.

[Downthestretch55]

Fire truck
A firefighter is working on an engine outside the station, when he notices a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl is wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The firefighter walks over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration. "Thanks," the girl says.

The firefighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little partner," the firefighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar too, I think you could go faster."

The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

[Downthestretch55]

Originally Posted by merasmag

u have annoyed me too---hi wayne!

Hi Sharon,
How goes??
If I annoyed ya...sorry. Don't know,,,but apologies all around.

[Downthestretch55]

Originally Posted by merasmag

but, even tho i laughed, i didn't think it was funny---i don't like to see encouragement of cat-haters (dog-haters...)

I have nothing against cats or dogs...I have one of each.
Hate is something I don't give time to "rent space in my head".
Carry on...I'll try to find a better one tomorrow.

[Downthestretch55]

Not really funny, but worth knowing in case you're ever asked.

Are You Know Everything ?

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula".

The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

Honey is the only food that doesn't spoil.

The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched".

On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.

"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

[hi_im_god]

A traveling salesman arrives at a farmhouse and asks to spend the night.

The farmer agrees but on one condition. "We don't have any extra rooms so you'll have to sleep with my son."

The salesman says, "hold on a minute...I think I'm in the wrong joke."

[Cajungator26]

Originally Posted by Downthestretch55

Not really funny, but worth knowing in case you're ever asked.

Are You Know Everything ?

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula".

The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

Honey is the only food that doesn't spoil.

The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched".

On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.

"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

Isn't "I do." a sentence as well? LMAO