Anybody hear any good jokes lately?

[bigrun]

I'm passing this on because it worked for me today. A Dr. on TV said to have inner peace we should always finish things we start & we all could use more calm in our lives. I looked around my house to find things I'd started & hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay,a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum

[casp0555]

bigs....you are nuts!

[bigrun]

Originally Posted by casp0555

bigs....you are nuts!

Yeah i know...that reminded me of Foster Brooks..He cracks Dean up in this bit..

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=...C430D1D851EE39

[bigrun]

Former President Bush and VP Cheney are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in and asks the barman, 'Isn't that Bush and Cheney sitting over there?'
The bartender says, 'Yep, that's them.'
So the guy walks over and says,
'Wow, this is a real honor!
What are you guys doing in here?'
Bush says, 'We're planning WW III.'
The guy says, 'Really?
What's going to happen?'
Cheney says, 'Well, we're going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big tits.'
The guy exclaimed, 'A blonde with big tits?'





'Why kill a blonde with big tits?'

Cheney turns to Bush and says, 'See, I told you, no one gives a **** about the 140 million Muslims!!!'

[bigrun]

TSA Offering Free Gifts With Full Body Cavity Searches Beginning October 1st.

TSA supervisor Guillermo Thomas told reporters that he enjoys his work and takes it extremely serious. “I love what I do. I’m stopping these god*amn terrorists from killing more people. Every day that I go to work I feel like I’m saving lives,” Thomas said, “Plus I get to see beautiful woman naked all day long. Lots of gross ones too, but hey, that comes with the job I guess.

http://nationalreport.net/tsa-offeri...g-october-1st/

[bigrun]

Advice from a retired husband..Ladies please pay attn and do the right thing for your husband, poor fellow..



How about this slave driver?
>
>
> It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it
> becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as
> when they were younger. When this becomes apparent, try not to yell at
> them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an
> oversensitive woman.
>
> My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled this situation with my
> wife, Carol. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for
> Carol to get a full-time job, along with her part-time job, both for
> extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.
>
>
> Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show
> her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she
> gets home from work
>
> Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to
> rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at
> her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she
> gets dinner on the table.
>
>
> I generally have lunch in the Grill at the golf club, so eating out is
> not an option for us in the evening. I'm ready for some home-cooked
> food when I walk through that door. She used to do the dishes as soon
> as we finished eating but now it's not unusual for them to sit on the
> table for several hours after dinner.
>
> I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each
> evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates
> this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes
> to bed.
>
> Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will
> say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills
> during her lunch hour, but chaps, we take them for better or worse, so
> I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out
> over two, or even three days. That way, she won't have to rush so much.
> I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then would help
> her figure. I like to think tact is one of my strong points.
>
> When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods.
> She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the
> lawn. I tried not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I told her to fix
> herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed orange juice, and
> just relax for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself,
> she might as well make one for me too.
>
> I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Carol.
> I'm not saying that showing this much patience & consideration is easy.
> Many men would find it difficult if not impossible. Nobody knows better
> than I do how frustrating women get as they get older.
>
>
> However, Chaps, even if you just use a little more tact and less
> criticism of your ageing wife as a result of reading this article, I
> will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are
> put on this earth to help each other.
>
>
> Ron died suddenly of a perforated rectum after publishing this letter.
>
>
> The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch
> Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5
> inches of grip showing. A sledge hammer was laying nearby.
>
>
> His wife Carol, was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman
> jury took only 9 minutes to find her "Not Guilty", accepting her
> defence that Ron, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his
> golf club.
>

[bigrun]

"Don't Judge Too Quickly" Commercials.
Real funny stuff...LMAO..


http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=59b_1363799230