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#1
10-16-2012, 11:54 AM
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__________________
"If you lose the power to laugh, you lose the power to think" - Clarence Darrow, American lawyer (1857-1938) When you are right, no one remembers;when you are wrong, no one forgets. Thought for today.."No persons are more frequently wrong, than those who will not admit they are wrong" - Francois, Duc de la Rochefoucauld, French moralist (1613-1680) 
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#2
12-21-2012, 05:44 PM
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This smartass chick looked at my beer belly last night and
sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?" I said, "There's a tap underneath, taste it." I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there.." I went to the bar last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said to her, "Nice legs." The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so." I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now." I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling their tits. "Really" she said, "Go on then...try." After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience. "Come on, what day was I born"? I said, “Yesterday." I got caught taking a piss in the local YMCA swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I nearly fell in.
__________________
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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#3
12-26-2012, 10:28 PM
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Cheating Wife
A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight. While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act. For $100.00, the cabby agrees. Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man! The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money. HE paid for the Corvette I gave you. HE paid for our new cabin cruiser. HE paid for your season Pittsburgh Steelers tickets. HE paid for our house at the lake. HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!' Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says, 'What would you do?' The cabby replies, 'I'd cover his ass with that blanket before he catches cold."
__________________
"If you lose the power to laugh, you lose the power to think" - Clarence Darrow, American lawyer (1857-1938) When you are right, no one remembers;when you are wrong, no one forgets. Thought for today.."No persons are more frequently wrong, than those who will not admit they are wrong" - Francois, Duc de la Rochefoucauld, French moralist (1613-1680)
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Hybrid Mode
