Tampa

[MaTH716]

The gang was up early again for Friday morning golf which would be followed by Tampa downs and finishing at the famous Derby lane dogtrack. After a quick bite in the hotel kitchen, we head out to meet the rest of the group at the golf course. The golfing groups would be BT, Heels and Herk. Followed by Bigs, GPK, Aunty and myself. As we are waiting, I figure I might as well check out the facilities in the clubhouse. They were top notch, probably the nicest one I have visited since being in Florida (and God knows I have seen too many of them). After buying a $4 dollar Gatorade , I catch up with the group. From there it probably takes about ten minutes to square away all the golfing bets/side action. The golf nazi (GPK) has action with almost everyone. It's to the point where it takes him about a half hour after the round to figure out where everyone stands. Now as stated before, I frankly suck at golf. I don't play at all so I never practice. I do like playing, but I figure if I have 5 hours to burn (which very rarely happens), I'm going to the track. Now Bigs is better than me (which isn't saying much) and he can hit the ball a country mile, but he struggles mightily at times too. So what's this midget prick do? He makes us play from the blue tees with him. Basically it just makes a tough game almost impossible for me. Then you have Lori, who hits the ball a ton as well. She decides that she's going to use her "vag" (her word not mine) advantage and hit from the ladies tees. They are probably at least 100 yards in front of the blues every hole. But I guess in her little side match with the Golf Nazi, she wasn't getting as many strokes cause of the "vag" advantage. So now she's getting par's and bogeys and bitching and moaning about it. To make matters worse the Golf Nazi is having sissy fits cause he's getting bogeys. Meanwhile my f.uckin hands are now on fire to match my a.sshole, because I must have swung the club about 3000 times between yesterday and today. Everything is starting to hurt and I'm running out of golfballs. I have a 3 hole span where I'm eased and vanned off not finishing the hole. Then I finally hit a decent drive (for me) and it's literally 1 foot outside a red stake (whatever that f.uckin means). So that midget prick says I found your ball and gave you a good lie, but you're hitting three. You would think that since I was on pace to shoot 235 that he would give me a break. I swear to God that I vowed to show up wearing a bomb vest the next time he and the rest of the Keebler elfs have a meeting to discuss a new cookie. But regardless it was a great time, Bigs and I had a ton of laughs riding in the cart together.

BT you might not want to read this part. Finally we're on the 18th and I can't wait for the round to end and get to the track. The Golf Nazi is teeing up first. All of a sudden I start elbowing Bigs and point to the tee off markers. He realizes what I have already noticed, we're hitting off from the whites. Bigs and I are giggling like a couple of schoolgirls knowing that if the Golf Nazi realizes where we're hitting from, he will surely make us hit from the jerkoff blues. Not to mention, how could the Golf Nazi make such a silly mistake? Obviously Lori doesn't realize either. So I actually hit a good shot and since we are hitting from the whites, my second shot is actually a makeable 140 from the pin instead of something like being 203 away if I hit from the blues. My second shot lands on the green about 30 feet from the pin. From there I two putt paring the final hole, screwing BT (who parred it from the blues) out of winning the final 7-8 skins that have carried. Chances are I wasn't parring that hole from the blues. Sorry Bri, as a racing fan you should be use to being screwed like this. The wrong bettors paid, tough s.hit.

to be continued...........................

[-BT-]

Originally Posted by MaTH716

The gang was up early again for Friday morning golf which would be followed by Tampa downs and finishing at the famous Derby lane dogtrack. After a quick bite in the hotel kitchen, we head out to meet the rest of the group at the golf course. The golfing groups would be BT, Heels and Herk. Followed by Bigs, GPK, Aunty and myself. As we are waiting, I figure I might as well check out the facilities in the clubhouse. They were top notch, probably the nicest one I have visited since being in Florida (and God knows I have seen too many of them). After buying a $4 dollar Gatorade :zz:, I catch up with the group. From there it probably takes about ten minutes to square away all the golfing bets/side action. The golf nazi (GPK) has action with almost everyone. It's to the point where it takes him about a half hour after the round to figure out where everyone stands. Now as stated before, I frankly suck at golf. I don't play at all so I never practice. I do like playing, but I figure if I have 5 hours to burn (which very rarely happens), I'm going to the track. Now Bigs is better than me (which isn't saying much) and he can hit the ball a country mile, but he struggles mightily at times too. So what's this midget prick do? He makes us play from the blue tees with him. Basically it just makes a tough game almost impossible for me. Then you have Lori, who hits the ball a ton as well. She decides that she's going to use her "vag" (her word not mine) advantage and hit from the ladies tees. They are probably at least 100 yards in front of the blues every hole. But I guess in her little side match with the Golf Nazi, she wasn't getting as many strokes cause of the "vag" advantage. So now she's getting par's and bogeys and bitching and moaning about it. To make matters worse the Golf Nazi is having sissy fits cause he's getting bogeys. Meanwhile my f.uckin hands are now on fire to match my a.sshole, because I must have swung the club about 3000 times between yesterday and today. Everything is starting to hurt and I'm running out of golfballs. I have a 3 hole span where I'm eased and vanned off not finishing the hole. Then I finally hit a decent drive (for me) and it's literally 1 foot outside a red stake (whatever that f.uckin means). So that midget prick says I found your ball and gave you a good lie, but you're hitting three. You would think that since I was on pace to shoot 235 that he would give me a break. I swear to God that I vowed to show up wearing a bomb vest the next time he and the rest of the Keebler elfs have a meeting to discuss a new cookie. But regardless it was a great time, Bigs and I had a ton of laughs riding in the cart together.

BT you might not want to read this part. Finally we're on the 18th and I can't wait for the round to end and get to the track. The Golf Nazi is teeing up first. All of a sudden I start elbowing Bigs and point to the tee off markers. He realizes what I have already noticed, we're hitting off from the whites. Bigs and I are giggling like a couple of schoolgirls knowing that if the Golf Nazi realizes where we're hitting from, he will surely make us hit from the jerkoff blues. Not to mention, how could the Golf Nazi make such a silly mistake? Obviously Lori doesn't realize either. So I actually hit a good shot and since we are hitting from the whites, my second shot is actually a makeable 140 from the pin instead of something like being 203 away if I hit from the blues. My second shot lands on the green about 30 feet from the pin. From there I two putt paring the final hole, screwing BT (who parred it from the blues) out of winning the final 7-8 skins that have carried. Chances are I wasn't parring that hole from the blues. Sorry Bri, as a racing fan you should be use to being screwed like this. The wrong bettors paid, tough s.hit.

to be continued...........................

@ $89 a round a $4 gatorade almost seems like you ripped them off.

you muthaf****....... those blues were at the absolute tips on #18, we might as well been teeing off from the gd woods we were so far back, and i find out you tee'd off from the whites? WTF, is there no honor in golf either. I'm now doubley salty b/c i made a NATURAL BIRDIE from the tips on #18, net 2 and i pushed with you?

-bt-

[MaTH716]

Originally Posted by -BT-

@ $89 a round a $4 gatorade almost seems like you ripped them off.
you muthaf****....... those blues were at the absolute tips on #18, we might as well been teeing off from the gd woods we were so far back, and i find out you tee'd off from the whites? WTF, is there no honor in golf either. I'm now doubley salty b/c i made a NATURAL BIRDIE from the tips on #18, net 2 and i pushed with you?

-bt-

$89 was ridiculous, but I think I got the last laugh. I'm pretty sure I left more than $89 dollars worth of damage on that course.

As far as your birdie..................

I'll buy you a cuban next time I see you.............

[Antitrust32]

Originally Posted by MaTH716

$89 was ridiculous, but I think I got the last laugh. I'm pretty sure I left more than $89 dollars worth of damage on that course.
.

LOL

[golfer]

Sounds to me like gpk signed an incorrect scorecard. I'm thinking DQ

[herkhorse]

Originally Posted by MaTH716

$89 was ridiculous

BT was determined to get his 89.00 back somehow, and he finally got his chance at the Derby Lane Buffet. I don't think I've ever seen anyone pile food so high, and I'm sure he made 3 or 4 trips.

[tiggerv]

This is an amazing thread

[Antitrust32]

I need to figure out how to post the picture of GPK on the Jockey's scale in the winners circle. apparently the file is too big, which is ironic considering the size of the man in the picture.

[herkhorse]

Originally Posted by Antitrust32

I need to figure out how to post the picture of GPK on the Jockey's scale in the winners circle. apparently the file is too big, which is ironic considering the size of the man in the picture.

[GPK]

Originally Posted by tiggerv

This is an amazing thread

As amazing as it is, it really does it no justice. To have lived and experienced it live is like nothing else. I'm still laughing at some of the sh*t days later.

[MaTH716]

So the entire group heads down to watch the 9th from the winner's circle. The woman in charge is trying to make time with Bigs. Supposedly, you are only allowed about 4-5 people in the winner's circle. We easily had over 10 people. The woman slightly balked at first, but Bigs charmed the woman to letting everyone in. She gave us some brief instructions as far as what to do and where to stand. Seth and I suggested that they should keep the paramedics close just in case Guidry ended up winning the race.

So we are all on the rail watching the race and I believe that everyone was live in their pick 4's at this point. Grunder keeps doing a job mentioning Edward O'Bey (who would think how far that one beer would go). A 13-1 shot with a 3/56 jock clears from the #10 hole and gets the lead. He goes 46 flat for the half and at this point I'm feeling good about this horse being the last horse off my ticket. All of a sudden I realize that they are heading into the stretch and he still has a 1 1/2 length lead and looks strong. Then at the 1/8 pole I hear GPK yelling come on with this 10, get this 10 home and I honestly think to myself, how fitting. Let GPK get this 10 home (knowing that he's been getting killed all week too) in the race named for his brother. But truthfully, by the time they hit the 1/16 pole, I'm like f.uck that midget prick, get this God damn one (or 4 of the other 5 nags i'm live to in this God forsaking s.hit race where I'm 5 deep) home. It's a blanket finish and Bigs said the 10 got the bob and if there's anyone I'll ever believe in that spot it's Bigs. Guidry once again got there too late closing like a freight train. My pick 4 and I 'm pretty sure everyone else's go up in flames. GPK cashed a win ticket and I believe Rude did too. But Bigs said something about Rude possibly betting every horse in the race. Obviously I'm not happy and Mark Guidry fan #1 Golfer is steaming. Forget about having the paramedics for Guidry they might need the riot police. GPK is absolutely beaming as we line up for the picture. Picture taken and we are all milling around the winner's circle. Next thing I know I see Sheets asking Gonclaves to sign his racing form. I am absolutely mind boggeled as I ask him, what the f.uck are you going to do with that? Before he can answer we notice Exacta Bob chatting to his swim buddy Gonclaves and we all start laughing. Also there is a buzz of the camera girl, she was okay. I'm sure Lori will second that. I did tell Sheets to invite his girl Rosie to derby Lane with us, but he pussed out. The chalk wins the finale and I'm pretty sure all of us go 3/4 on the pick 4 and I'm pretty steamed. But I can honestly say that it was an honor to be in that winner's circle for such a special event with such a great group of people.

Apparently we have video proof of the yelling like a schoolgirl......................
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4rmq...ature=youtu.be

To be continued........................

[herkhorse]

Originally Posted by MaTH716

So the entire group heads down to watch the 9th from the winner's circle. The woman in charge is trying to make time with Bigs. Supposedly, you are only allowed about 4-5 people in the winner's circle. We easily had over 10 people. The woman slightly balked at first, but Bigs charmed the woman to letting everyone in. She gave us some brief instructions as far as what to do and where to stand. Seth and I suggested that they should keep the paramedics close just in case Guidry ended up winning the race.

So we are all on the rail watching the race and I believe that everyone was live in their pick 4's at this point. Grunder keeps doing a job mentioning Edward O'Bey (who would think how far that one beer would go). A 13-1 shot with a 3/56 jock clears from the #10 hole and gets the lead. He goes 46 flat for the half and at this point I'm feeling good about this horse being the last horse off my ticket. All of a sudden I realize that they are heading into the stretch and he still has a 1 1/2 length lead and looks strong. Then at the 1/8 pole I hear GPK yelling come on with this 10, get this 10 home and I honestly think to myself, how fitting. Let GPK get this 10 home (knowing that he's been getting killed all week too) in the race named for his brother. But truthfully, by the time they hit the 1/16 pole, I'm like f.uck that midget prick, get this God damn one (or 4 of the other 5 nags i'm live to in this God forsaking s.hit race where I'm 5 deep) home. It's a blanket finish and Bigs said the 10 got the bob and if there's anyone I'll ever believe in that spot it's Bigs. Guidry once again got there too late closing like a freight train. My pick 4 and I 'm pretty sure everyone else's go up in flames. GPK cashed a win ticket and I believe Rude did too. But Bigs said something about Rude possibly betting every horse in the race. Obviously I'm not happy and Mark Guidry fan #1 Golfer is steaming. Forget about having the paramedics for Guidry they might need the riot police. GPK is absolutely beaming as we line up for the picture. Picture taken and we are all milling around the winner's circle. Next thing I know I see Sheets asking Gonclaves to sign his racing form. I am absolutely mind boggeled as I ask him, what the f.uck are you going to do with that? Before he can answer we notice Exacta Bob chatting to his swim buddy Gonclaves and we all start laughing. Also there is a buzz of the camera girl, she was okay. I'm sure Lori will second that. I did tell Sheets to invite his girl Rosie to derby Lane with us, but he pussed out. The chalk wins the finale and I'm pretty sure all of us go 3/4 on the pick 4 and I'm pretty steamed. But I can honestly say that it was an honor to be in that winner's circle for such a special event with such a great group of people.

Apparently we have video proof of the yelling like a schoolgirl......................
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4rmq...ature=youtu.be

To be continued........................

Totally forgot about that. Later that night she slowly walks by the Grunder bar, stops at the door, winks and waves at Bigs before moving on.

[MaTH716]

So it's on to the Grunder bar with the entire crew. I got to admit that things just spiral out of control. I'm bitter with not cashing a real ticket (even money in the first leg of my own show parlay doesn't count ) in 2 days and to be honest can't even stand the thought of looking at the Form. We all kick in money for a show parlay. Also Sheets caps a late pick 4 at Santa Anita and I buy 25% of his ticket just to have some action. There are so many tracks going, that I have no idea where/who we are live to in the show parlay. It's just complete chaos, everytime I look up I see BT yelling at every TV in the place. In one race his horse gets passed in the stretch and he's yelling at the top of his lungs for the horse to Re-Buff Re-Buff. Everyone just stopped and looked, then started laughing, like I said the kid is a star. I'm hearing things from BT, like "he's bred for snow". It really was an absolute blur. I think we hit one or two races in the show parlay. Now keep in mind GPK is holding the ticket. Then Sheets (out of all people) utters the three magic words that probably gave GPK some movement. English Channel Firster. The next thing I know we are alive to a 5-1 English Channel firster at Turfway in a blizzard. To make things even more comical, there's a 3/5 Ramsey horse in the race. Guess what, Ramsey wins by about 10 (there's a f.ucking suprise ) and the EC firster finishes up the track. I guess they are very low percentage on frozen polytrack during a blizzard.........
I blame Sheets for that, he put it out there and obviously the president of the EC fan club couldn't pass up that betting opportunity. Obviously the group almost turned into an angry mob again, but we really are the ones to blame. We had a 17 year old looking at the form or sheets from his phone (Don't ask me how he gets this stuff, really child services should be knocking any day know) and the head of the lolly-pop guild punching the tickets. Really what kind of chance did we have? Of course, right after Rosario gives us a wonderful ride, while never looking like a winner with our single at Santa Anita at 4/5. At some point I see Grunder there (shocker) taking pictures with GPK. It's so chaotic that the douche guy mentioned in previous posts left the area and was watching races in another part of the track. I guess he couldn't take it. But the drinks were flowing and everyone was having a ball. It was almost time for Derby Lane.

To be continue...............

[Antitrust32]

this is the part of the story where I tap out and head back to Ocala. Not before getting lost and passing the track a couple times. I could not figure out which direction was "north-east".

[Antitrust32]

wow. I had no idea you guys played 18 from the whites until now. no wonder you and bigs were laughing like school girls.

and yeah, I was bitching about getting zero strokes! I par the two of the toughest holes on the course.. and get cut by guys (ahem, BIGS) who get double bogeys and two strokes. plus my bi.tch tee advantage didnt even help on a lot of holes, cause there is so much damn wetlands and water on this course I had to hit a freaking 5 iron off the tee. so, BT, i feel ya.

still was a shitload of fun though!

[Antitrust32]

I guess it doesnt really matter... Because any money I would have won in the skins game would have just been lost at Tampa Bay Downs... probably in some type of show parlay where we bust on the first bet.

[MaTH716]

After golf it was a 5 minute car ride to the track. We show up as they are getting into the gate for the opener. I have to admit that I was going to take it easy today. I was still hurting from yesterday's bloodbath, plus I thought it was a toxic situation having the big group and trying to handicap 2-3 tracks on the fly. When we get there the rest of the DT group is there. We meet Golfer, Sheets and Sheets dad (the funding behind Sheet's gambling habit). Of course Exacta Bob is in the house again minus the misses and Rude is there as well, wearing what looks like a woman's shirt (which later apparently he confirmed, calling it a blouse {once again, his words not mine}). So I start talking to Sheets, and notice that he has his printed out sheets of the form bounded professionally, with a plastic cover page and backing. I'm sure it's 1000 times nicer than any book report or paper that he's done in his life. I am absolutely blown away by the creativity. I heard he picked this up from Mr. Chicago. He goes to staples and gets it done for $10 bucks. I think to myself about the creativity and the love of the game that this kid must have. I also think that child services really should make a stop by the Sheets house too. I really think that Sheets is on an interesting path. I feel like he could either end up taking Margo's job as the lead handicapper at Tampa. Or maybe end up being like Exacta Bob and going to the track during the days and swimming with guys like Goncalves at night. Or quite possibly like the douche that literally lives in the Grunder bar with the bad hair constantly yelling at the TV saying stupid s.hit. It will be interesting to see how this plays out. Regardless, he's going to have a tough time meeting girls if the only places he visits are staples, Tampa Downs and Derby Lane . But the bottom line is that he's a really good kid, he just needs to hang out at the mall with his friends a little more and a little less with the meatheads at the track.

Then I talk to Golfer, another really good guy. But listening to all the rage he has against Mark Guidry makes me think that he might be on a no-fly list somewhere. But it's pretty funny watching him and Sheets talk shop, then Sheets dad not really caring about the shop talk just offerening up the capitial to be involved on whatever Sheets and Golfer are playing. But they really are all great people and I had so much fun hanging out with all of them.

I do try to start my own personal show parlay that lasts all of two races and then it takes me an etirnity to finally dope out a late pick 4 at Tampa. I think Heels hits the early four at Gulfstream, he's another guy that's always seems live and is not afarid to hit the all button. Rainman (Herk) is cashing tickets (and not chalky ones) all over the place. He even mispunches a pick 3 that costs him a couple of yards, but he's cashing so much other stuff he just shakes it off and moves on. Good news, my stomach/colon seems to be cooperating as I haven't visited the facilities since the golf course. I even eat a hot dog for lunch. Obviously the whole group is conscious of how special the 9th race is going to be. We're all excited to see what GPK's reaction will be. The group has him at 1/9 to start crying. But unfortunately he has gone missing, seems like that dummy is up in the Poker room. I finally punch a $67 dollar pick 4 ticket going 3x3x5x3. Finally GPK appears and we decide we should tell him before he disappears again. Lori let's him know and the 1/9 shot looks like the easiest moeny ever to be made at the racetrack as he starts crying.

To be continued.................

[Danzig]

perhaps sheets sr would like to adopt a 44 year old married woman? i could use some funds for betting...

[-BT-]

Originally Posted by MaTH716

After golf it was a 5 minute car ride to the track. We show up as they are getting into the gate for the opener. I have to admit that I was going to take it easy today. I was still hurting from yesterday's bloodbath, plus I thought it was a toxic situation having the big group and trying to handicap 2-3 tracks on the fly. When we get there the rest of the DT group is there. We meet Golfer, Sheets and Sheets dad (the funding behind Sheet's gambling habit). Of course Exacta Bob is in the house again minus the misses and Rude is there as well, wearing what looks like a woman's shirt (which later apparently he confirmed, calling it a blouse {once again, his words not mine}). So I start talking to Sheets, and notice that he has his printed out sheets of the form bounded professionally, with a plastic cover page and backing. I'm sure it's 1000 times nicer than any book report or paper that he's done in his life. I am absolutely blown away by the creativity. I heard he picked this up from Mr. Chicago. He goes to staples and gets it done for $10 bucks. I think to myself about the creativity and the love of the game that this kid must have. I also think that child services really should make a stop by the Sheets house too. I really think that Sheets is on an interesting path. I feel like he could either end up taking Margo's job as the lead handicapper at Tampa. Or maybe end up being like Exacta Bob and going to the track during the days and swimming with guys like Goncalves at night. Or quite possibly like the douche that literally lives in the Grunder bar with the bad hair constantly yelling at the TV saying stupid s.hit. It will be interesting to see how this plays out. Regardless, he's going to have a tough time meeting girls if the only places he visits are staples, Tampa Downs and Derby Lane . But the bottom line is that he's a really good kid, he just needs to hang out at the mall with his friends a little more and a little less with the meatheads at the track.
Then I talk to Golfer, another really good guy. But listening to all the rage he has against Mark Guidry makes me think that he might be on a no-fly list somewhere. But it's pretty funny watching him and Sheets talk shop, then Sheets dad not really caring about the shop talk just offerening up the capitial to be involved on whatever Sheets and Golfer are playing. But they really are all great people and I had so much fun hanging out with all of them.

I do try to start my own personal show parlay that lasts all of two races and then it takes me an etirnity to finally dope out a late pick 4 at Tampa. I think Heels hits the early four at Gulfstream, he's another guy that's always seems live and is not afarid to hit the all button. Rainman (Herk) is cashing tickets (and not chalky ones) all over the place. He even mispunches a pick 3 that costs him a couple of yards, but he's cashing so much other stuff he just shakes it off and moves on. Good news, my stomach/colon seems to be cooperating as I haven't visited the facilities since the golf course. I even eat a hot dog for lunch. Obviously the whole group is conscious of how special the 9th race is going to be. We're all excited to see what GPK's reaction will be. The group has him at 1/9 to start crying. But unfortunately he has gone missing, seems like that dummy is up in the Poker room. I finally punch a $67 dollar pick 4 ticket going 3x3x5x3. Finally GPK appears and we decide we should tell him before he disappears again. Lori let's him know and the 1/9 shot looks like the easiest moeny ever to be made at the racetrack as he starts crying.

To be continued.................

i only "overheard" the heart to heart Matt was giving out to Sheetz at derby lane, but it was commical. Something along the lines of... "you gotta get out more", i felt like Matt not only wanted to buy tampa souvenirs for his little ones at home, but also for Sheetz as well

-bt-