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#2
11-11-2010, 06:38 PM
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Story time!!!!
Don't everyone leave--sit down! A HAUNTING BY LOUISIANA HOT SAUCE What can I say? I was looking for RedHot.I knew of it's nuances.But they were out and I saw the deep pull this syrupy crimson stuff showed...so I got it.A bottle of Louisiana Hot Sauce. Little did I realize what an infamous event that little decision would make. I used it that night.It enhanced the flavor of the 88 cent nuke n' serve Banquet NEW Macaroni Cheese and Beef , my choice of ffod this night.;which is all I could ask it to do.I put the bottle back in the cabinet for safe keeping.I had learned something..and that is, where you take it from...you put it in the same place. That means if I buy it off a shelf,I store it on a shelf .If I buy it from a freezer,I store it in the ice box. One learns. Anyhoo....3 days later I decide to repeat the dinner and fire thing again.I was in front of the cabinet in the kitchen where I last put the hot sauce.I had absolutley no idea what horror was about to take place from this simple,plebian,every day manuever.Had I, that "THING" would have stayed in in its burial vault forever. The rest is not for the easily thudded...I warn you. The cabinet door, I tugged on it and it opened. The explosion was almost defeaning;the crimson burst like a bomb going off too close.I went temporarily deaf ( shut up) and blind all at the same time.Dazed by the concussive affects,I stood there a while. How long...I don't know. Coming to, I was quickly able to assess what had taken place.The bottle of hot sauce was sloppily placed on the shelf;only the cabinet door was making it .."stay." So when there was no longer any support...gravity reared it's oh so ugly head and forced the bottle downward.It slammed to the counter top,breaking in half. ( by the way...are you thinking how plastic is our friend?..I am )The contents were propelled out and over---everything.The counter top, it's 4 inch ledge against the wall, the wall,he cheap coffee maker, the cheaper toaster and a cheap incense holder.The bottle broke in two.It looked as though a particularly disturbed serial killer had gone Borrel and keft this crime scene. Not satisfied with it's devastation,the two pieces had decided to bounce from the counter top and dive to the floor, making the some awful blood splatter mess all over the floor ( thank my luckies it didn't spell out anything) and all over the wooden front of the counter. I took all this in. Then I said.. aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! I heard the Psycho music play. This mess had to get cleaned up fast as I knew from Klutzology class how hot sauce can really stain bad. But I had no more paper towels...nor rags!! I decided to run in the back room and fetch the least valued towel, sweat pants, sweat shirt and whatever else I could get my hands on.This was big a mess. So I gathered this stuff, ran back to the kitchen and began this awful clean up .I recall humming a happy tune to myself to accompany my clean up: goddamitynogoodmothahfucl<in'messofasunnybitcin'co kesooooocare!!i'l killyoui'llkillyoui'llkillyou It was fun. Done,I was happy again. Looked it all over to make sure it was all gone and it was . Then ,like a fool, I looked at the side of the stove which had decided to hide more damage ...only 6 inches away. aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Massive blood splatter. more Psycho music! Back running to the back room for more clothes and towels...second least needed. Another mess cleaned up. Thank God. I needed a shower now,sweaty and spent as I was. Mirrors are not always our friends. I enjpy looking in the mirror.I never pass one without stopping to see how I look...especially my dupa profile. So, in the bathroom...I did stop to look. aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!! I was covered with hot sauce!!!!! COVERED!! more Psycho music! All over my face, all over my sweatshirt, all over my pants. Horrified as I was, I had to move fast.I stripped myself clean excpet for my Hukon Eric Worker Man Shoes.Right into the bath tub went all the clothes..plenty of hot water. Wait a minute--did I say I left my shoes on?? aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!! more Pycho music! What were once tan shoe were now crimson shoes. My eyes never thought to look that far down.I took hand soap and hot water threw them immediately in the sink.Once done, like a stone age moron...I thought all was finally accounted for.There could not possibly be anymore traces of that hot sauce ...anywhere. But I kept thinking about those shoes.Something really bothered me about them. Then it hit me. Oh my God!!..nnnnnnnno!!!.Please God....nnnnno!!I looked at the bottom of my shoes. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!![i][b] more psycho music!! I threw them off and into the bath tub.I then sank to the floor...naked, exhausted and completely frustrated. After a few minutes..somehow those shoes still bothered me.I didn't know quite why...but they did.I tried to do still frame thinking.Shoes....walk.....on surfaces....bottoms of shoes meet surfaces........bottoms of these shoes covered with crimson hot sauce...................hmmmm.......... nnnnnnoooooo!!!!!!!! I snapped up and ran to t he hallway leading back to the kitchen. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! Bloody footprints EVERYWHERE!! Then my next bright idea was to look back to that other section of hallway which lead to the back room. AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! Oh my God!! Bloody footprints EVERYWHERE! Then like a crazed wounded savage I got the bright idea to look inside at that back room. AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! more psycho music!! And the walls!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! I can't go on. The memories are too painful and horrific. Last edited by clyde : 11-11-2010 at 06:51 PM. |
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#6
11-11-2010, 07:21 PM
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{Cue psycho music}
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_TKfT5uXIQ [spoilers]It's all good - Johnny works at Old Navy - he hooked them up, but their feet got burned mad hawttt[/spoilers] |
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#7
11-11-2010, 07:25 PM
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Quote:
aaaaahhhhh!!!! |
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#8
11-11-2010, 07:59 PM
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#9
11-11-2010, 08:13 PM
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#10
11-11-2010, 08:26 PM
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Tarja Turunen - she's a Finnish opera singer that joined that band... then got kicked out of the band cuz she got prego, then a couple years later said, "fuc1< those douches, I'll kick holy ass all by meself"
Brand new stuff - Whitesnake cover: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6e3Xkh_Lxc |
Hybrid Mode
