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#2
11-15-2010, 08:28 PM
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"What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?" the old man asks? The doctor replies, "It's a Ferrari--it cost half a million dollars!" "That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?" "Because it can do up to 220 miles an hour!" the doctor states proudly. The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?" "No problem," replies the doctor. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right...but I'll stick with my Moped!" Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the speedometer reads 150 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and then -- WHOOOOSSSHHH! -- something whips by him going much faster! "What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the doctor asks himself. He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 180 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped! Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 200 mph, and he's feeling pretty good -- that is, until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN! Astounded by the speed of this old guy, the doctor floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 220 mph. Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing more the doctor can do! Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end. The doctor slams on the brakes and jumps out. Unbelievably, the old man is still alive. The doctors runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, "I'm a doctor...is there anything I can do for you ?" Out of breath and pale as a ghost, the old man whispers, "Could you please unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror?"  
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#3
11-15-2010, 09:14 PM
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__________________
Felix Unger talking to Oscar Madison: "Your horse could finish third by 20 lengths and they still pay you? And you have been losing money for all these years?!"
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#4
11-18-2010, 08:32 PM
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the Polite Way...............
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked one of her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said, "Just a minute, I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?" Sherman said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Edward, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" "I would say, 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine who I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'" The teacher fainted... 
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#5
11-18-2010, 08:36 PM
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Oh that was a good one !!
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