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#1
04-28-2009, 11:41 AM
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An 85 year old man was asked by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85 year old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this, first I tried it with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried it with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried it with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. "We even called up Arlene, the lady next door and she tried it too, first with both hands, then an armpit. She even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked. "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open." 
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#2
04-28-2009, 12:31 PM
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An 85 year old man goes to the doctor for a checkup. He brings along his wife as he is hard of hearing. Upon arrival the nurse tells the man they we'll need a blood, urine and stool sample. He looks at his wife and says "what did she say?" His wife responds, "give them your underwear".
__________________
“To compel a man to furnish funds for the propagation of ideas he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.” Thomas Jefferson
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#3
04-28-2009, 04:43 PM
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#4
04-28-2009, 04:54 PM
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^^^ overly serious
__________________
....stay lady stay...stay while the night is still ahead... http://www.playlist.com/playlist/15640118795/standalone
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#5
04-28-2009, 05:14 PM
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Just didn't enjoy the visual of the bloody, piss-stained, ****-filled panties.
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#6
05-07-2009, 08:03 AM
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An Inspirational Golf Story:
Recently I was asked to play in a golf tournament. At first I said, 'Naaahhh! I already play 4 or 5 times a week.' Then they said to me 'Come on, it's for handicapped and blind kids.' Then I thought... sh*t, I could win this.
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#7
05-20-2009, 01:53 PM
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A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat ... As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?" She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston " He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?" "Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.." "Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?" "Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck." Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name." "Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba." 
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#8
01-18-2018, 09:13 PM
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__________________
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