Anybody hear any good jokes lately?

[The Indomitable DrugS]

Q: What do you call nuts on a man's wall?

A: Walnuts



Q: What do you call nuts on a man's chest?

A: Chestnuts



Q: What do you call nuts on a man's face?

A: Dellinger63 visiting his liberal friends at the YMCA.

[SCUDSBROTHER]

What's a good name for a dumb Duck?

[SCUDSBROTHER]

Originally Posted by SCUDSBROTHER

What's a good name for a dumb Duck?

"DUCK RIHANNA"

[mclem0822]

This guy suspects his wife is cheating on him. He comes home early and she meets him at the door in a bathrobe, her hair a mess. "Where is he?" he shouts. "Where's the guy who's been sleeping with you?" "I don't know what you're talking about" she says so he tears the house apart looking for this guy. Finally he's on the second floor, in the kitchen, he looks out the window and sees some guy sitting in a Volkswagen. "Aha!" he thinks, "That's the guy who's been sleeping with my wife." He's so furious he picks up the refrigerator, throws it out the window at the guy, has a heart attack and dies.

So St. Peter meets him at the gates of Heaven and asks "What are you doing here?" The guy says "Well, I knew my wife was cheating on me so I came home early from work, saw him sitting in his Volkswagen out on the street, threw the refrigerator at him, I had a heart attack and died." St. Peter says "You don't belong here; go to Hell." He pulls a big lever, a trap door opens up and the guy disappears.

A few minutes later another guy comes up to St. Peter at the gates of Heaven. St. Peter asks "What are you doing here?" The guy says "I don't know! I was just sitting in my Volkswagen, minding my own business, when suddenly somebody throws a refrigerator at me." St. Peter wags his finger and says "I heard about you... you go to Hell too." He pulls the lever and the guy disappears.

A few minutes later another guy comes up to St. Peter at the gates of Heaven. St. Peter asks "What are you doing here?" The guy says "I don't know! I was just sitting in a refrigerator, minding my own business..."

[timmgirvan]

Originally Posted by The Indomitable DrugS

Q: What do you call nuts on a man's wall?

A: Walnuts



Q: What do you call nuts on a man's chest?

A: Chestnuts



Q: What do you call nuts on a man's face?

A: Dellinger63 visiting his liberal friends at the YMCA.

Very poor taste!...pretty much the norm for you though

[The Indomitable DrugS]

Originally Posted by timmgirvan

Very poor taste!...pretty much the norm for you though

You hear the one about the priest, the rabbi and colored boy who went to heaven?


They all said timmigirvan blows camels.

[timmgirvan]

Originally Posted by The Indomitable DrugS

You hear the one about the priest, the rabbi and colored boy who went to heaven?


They all said timmigirvan blows camels.

....and here I thought you had to be 18 yrs old to be on DT!

[SCUDSBROTHER]

So, there's this Jew up in a Canyon....

[witchdoctor]

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" statement but followed it by several remarks, usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.

On July 5, 1995 (in Tampa Bay, FL) while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.

When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbor's bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky.

As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "Oral sex! You want oral sex?! You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

[TheSpyder]

One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted
> island for over 10
> years, saw a speck on the horizon.
> He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a
> ship"
>
> As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out
> even the
> possibilities of a small boat or a raft.
>
> Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure clad in a
> black wet suit.
> Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask and zipping down the
> top of the wet
> suit stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde!
>
> She walked up to the stunned Irishman and said to him,
> "Tell me, how long
> has it been since you've had a good cigar?"
>
> "Ten years," replied the amazed Irishman.
>
> With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof
> pocket on the left
> sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh package of
> cigars and a
> lighter.
>
> He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag.
> "Faith and begorrah,"
> said the castaway, "that is so good! I'd almost
> forgotten how great a smoke
> can be!"
>
> "And how long has it been since you've had a drop
> of good Bushmill's Irish
> Whiskey?" asked the blonde.
>
> Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years."
>
> Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve,
> unzipped a pocket
> there and removed a flask and handed it to him.
>
> He opened the flask and took a long drink. " 'Tis
> nectar of the gods!"
> shouted the Irishman. " 'Tis truly
> fantastic!!!"
>
> At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip
> the long front of
> her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the
> trembling man and
> asked, "And how long has it been since you played
> around?"
>
> With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and
> sobbed, "Jesus,
> Mary and Joseph! Don't tell me that you've got golf
> clubs in there too!"

[timmgirvan]

Originally Posted by TheSpyder

One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted
> island for over 10
> years, saw a speck on the horizon.
> He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a
> ship"
>
> As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out
> even the
> possibilities of a small boat or a raft.
>
> Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure clad in a
> black wet suit.
> Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask and zipping down the
> top of the wet
> suit stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde!
>
> She walked up to the stunned Irishman and said to him,
> "Tell me, how long
> has it been since you've had a good cigar?"
>
> "Ten years," replied the amazed Irishman.
>
> With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof
> pocket on the left
> sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh package of
> cigars and a
> lighter.
>
> He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag.
> "Faith and begorrah,"
> said the castaway, "that is so good! I'd almost
> forgotten how great a smoke
> can be!"
>
> "And how long has it been since you've had a drop
> of good Bushmill's Irish
> Whiskey?" asked the blonde.
>
> Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years."
>
> Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve,
> unzipped a pocket
> there and removed a flask and handed it to him.
>
> He opened the flask and took a long drink. " 'Tis
> nectar of the gods!"
> shouted the Irishman. " 'Tis truly
> fantastic!!!"
>
> At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip
> the long front of
> her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the
> trembling man and
> asked, "And how long has it been since you played
> around?"
>
> With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and
> sobbed, "Jesus,
> Mary and Joseph! Don't tell me that you've got golf
> clubs in there too!"

Classic!