Joke of the Day

[Downthestretch55]

A guy driving around the country side and saw a sign in front of a house:

“Talking Dog For Sale.”

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the Lab replies.

“So, what’s your story?”

The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.”

“But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.”

“I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired”

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

“Ten dollars,” the guy says.

“Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”

“Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that ****.”

[Downthestretch55]

Found this on the headstone of a grave in an old cemetary:
"ANNA PERRY"
"The children of Israel wanted bread
The Lord gave them manna
Parson Perry wanted a wife
The Devil gave him Anna"

[Suffolk Shippers]

joke of the day?

try the Red Sox...

[timmgirvan]

OUCH! The Yanks are in DA Groove!

[Downthestretch55]

All I Need to Know in Life I Learned From My Horse

1. When in doubt, run far, far away.
2. You can never have too many treats.
3. Passing gas in public is nothing to be ashamed of.
4. New shoes are an absolute necessity every 6 weeks.
5. Ignore cues. They're just a prompt to do more work.
6. Everyone loves a good, wet, slobbery kiss.
7. Never run when you can jog. Never jog when you can walk. And never walk when you can stand still.
8. Heaven is eating for at least 10 hours a day... and then sleeping the rest.
10. Eat plenty of roughage.
11. Great legs and a nice rear will get you anywhere. Big, brown eyes help too.
12. When you want your way, stomp hard on the nearest foot.
13. In times of crisis, take a poop.
14. Act dumb when faced with a task you don't want to do.
15. Follow the herd. That way, you can't be singled out to take the blame.
16. A swift kick in the butt will get anyone's attention.
17. Love those who love you back, especially if they have something good to eat.

add your own....

[Downthestretch55]

Today's joke of the day (and much truer than you'd ever think)...

The Beginning Of The End
(The TRUTH about owning a horse)

A friend gives you a horse...
You build a small shelter...$750
You fence in a paddock...$450
Purchase small truck to haul hay...$12,000
Purchase a used 2 horse trailer...$2,800
Purchase 2nd horse...$2,500
Build larger shelter with storage...$2,000
More fencing...$1,200
Purchase 3rd horse...$1,500
Purchase 4 horse trailer...$7,500
Purchase larger truck...$18,000
Purchase 4 acres next door...$28,000
More fencing...$2,000
Build small barn...$16,000
Purchase camper for truck...$9,000
Purchase tractor...$12,000
Purchase 4th & 5th horse...$4,500
Purchase 20 acres...$125,000
Build house...$120,000
Build barn...$26,000
More fencing & corrals...$14,000
Build covered arena...$60,000
Purchase Dually...$34,000
Purchase gooseneck w/living quarters...$32,000
Purchase 6th, 7th & 8th horse...$10,750
Hire full time trainer...$40,000
Build house for trainer...$54,000
Buy motor home for shows...$125,000
Hire attorney ? wife leaving you for trainer...$5,000
Declare bankruptcy, wife got everything.
Friend feels sorry for you...gives you a horse.....

[Downthestretch55]

Riding a Dead Horse

Subject: Something to think about
The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from one generation to the next, says that when you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.

However, in modern business, because of the heavy investment factors to be taken into consideration, often other strategies have to be tried with dead horses, including the following:

1. Buying a stronger whip.

2. Changing riders.

3. Threatening the horse with termination.

4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.

5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.

6. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.

7. Reclassifying the dead horse as "living-impaired."

8. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.

9. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.

10. Providing additional funding to increase the dead horse's performance.

11. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.

12. Declaring that the dead horse carries lower overhead and therefore performs better than some other horses.

13. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.

14. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.