Joke of the Day

[Downthestretch55]

The Naughty Dog

A married man decided to work late to be with his sexy secretary, so he called his wife to make up an excuse.

After work he invited his secretary to dinner. It soon became obvious that he was going to get lucky, so the two went back to her apartment and had great sex for two hours.

Afterward the fellow went to the bathroom to straighten up for the trip home and noticed a huge hickey on his neck.

He panicked, wondering what to tell his wife.

After the man unlocked his front door, his dog came bounding to greet him. Aha, the man thought, and promptly fell to the carpet, pretending to fight off the affectionate animal. Holding his neck with one hand, he said, 'Honey, look what the dog did to my neck!'

'Hell,' she answered, ripping open her blouse. 'Look what he did to my tits!'

[Downthestretch55]

Here's a horse and chicken joke from China.
If you think it's good, let me know.
My guess is that there are differences.
I vote it one of the worst I've ever found.
Then again, China keeps buying teasury bonds to offset what we owe them for supplying Walmart...and that's not funny at all either.

The Horse and the Chicken

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said. "Grab for my tail and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story:

If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.

[2 Dollar Bill]

Ohhh... these are SOOOOOOO FUNNY... GREAT JOB..everyone....and keep up the GOOD WORK !!!

[Downthestretch55]

A guy driving around the country side and saw a sign in front of a house:

“Talking Dog For Sale.”

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the Lab replies.

“So, what’s your story?”

The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.”

“But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.”

“I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired”

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

“Ten dollars,” the guy says.

“Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”

“Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that ****.”

[Downthestretch55]

Found this on the headstone of a grave in an old cemetary:
"ANNA PERRY"
"The children of Israel wanted bread
The Lord gave them manna
Parson Perry wanted a wife
The Devil gave him Anna"

[Suffolk Shippers]

joke of the day?

try the Red Sox...

[timmgirvan]

OUCH! The Yanks are in DA Groove!