copypasta

[FGFan]

Originally Posted by Mortimer

Thanks..I'll check it.

I have to admit...your fav is by far mine as well. That was pretty funny.

That one was pretty funny.
I think it might be hossy though he does put up pictures of himself as a bear. If ya can masquerade as human when you are really a bear, what's to say you can't masquerade as girl when you are a boy!

When I was little my mom used to put a buttplug in me (which she called a poop plug) and I'd wear it all the time. It had this star of david with a cross inside it painted on the base. I was told only to take it out to poop, wipe my ass, then put it back in.

I was really young so I thought this was just something everybody did but one time at school I dropped it when I flushed the toilet and it ended up getting flushed. So when I went back to class I told my teacher that my poop plug got flushed down the toilet. She had no idea what I was talking about so she sent me to the school nurse.

Well after trying to explain what a poop plug was for 15 minutes the school calls the police. The police ask me all these questions and at first I'm scared because I think I'm in trouble for losing my poop plug.

Turns out my mom has schizophrenia and was making me wear this butt plug so Satan couldn't stick his cock in my pooper and make me gay.

I end up being raised by my aunt and uncle (mom's sister) and my mom is still in a mental hospital (and probably will be for life). I still visit her and don't really hold anything against her because she was ill. For what it's worth though, Satan never stuck his cock in my pooper and I'm not gay.

Hi... I'm George Zimmer - Founder And Ceo Of The Men's Wearhouse. Last Night I Unsheathed My Mungo Man Spout From My Jeans And Flopped It Down In Front Of Your Mother - Your Senile Downstairs Neighbour Tapped At Her Ceiling Because Of The Clamor. Your Mom Was Barely Able To Nibble At My Plump, Prodigious Member Before I Grabbed It Like A Lasso And Smacked Her Across The Face So Hard She Flew, Spinning, Onto The Bed Bent Over - Awaiting The Admission Of My Throbbing Acreage Of Flesh. She Could Only Take 30 Seconds Of Half My Scrotal Camel Before She Fainted. I Finished Up And Bestowed A Stunning Likeness Of The Pope On Her Back In Baby Spackle. I Used Her Tooth Brush As Toilet Paper And Left A Quarter On Her Ass. She Called Me Four Times Today. I Guarantee It.

I'm an Alpha male /b/.

And girls want to **** alpha males. Let it piss you off as much as you want, but you know it's completely true. That girl you like who is kinda cute in a weird way, but is totally sweet and you have the biggest crush on? The one who keeps going back to guys who treat her wrong for reasnos you don't understand? The one who calls you up at 1 am to cry about how her boyfriend hasn't called her in 3 days, and no matter how long you listen to her, she'll never think of you as anything other than asexual? The one who will curl up next to you on the couch, hug you close, kiss you on the cheek, and never let you ****ing touch her beyond that?

Yeah, I'm ****ing her.

The hot girl who won't even look at you when you nod at them and smile? The one who laughs when you trip in the hallway and drop your stuff? The one who comes up and coyly aks for your help with her homework, and then pretends you don't exist once you finish?

Yeah, I'm ****ing her too, even harder.

The geeky girl you think might be enough like you that you have a chance with her? She plays warcraft on your server, and watches anime, and reads comics? She's so incredible and you just love her so much but you still haven't worked up the courage to tell her how you feel about her?

Guess who just sucked me off and told me they'll always love me?

/b/, You have a huge crush on this girl. She's cute, hot, funny, smart, playful, fun, etc. Bad news though: you're in the friend zone. Hardcore. You guys hang out a lot, you may even cuddle when you watch movies, but that's it. You want more and she sees you as totally asexual. Everyone on /b/ has been where I'm describing.

Well, /b/, I've finally come up with a solution: drugs. Let me explain.

Put 5 milligrams of oxycodone in her food/drink/etc. It's not enough to get her high, but she'll still be in an amazing mood and won't know why. She'll have a continuous warm fuzzy feeling in her stomach the entire time you're hanging out. Do this every time you hang out with her. After 3 dates, she'll be convinced that she has fallen in love with you. After she comes forward with it, stop dosing her and the placebo effect will do the rest.

Enjoy your dream-come-true, /b/.

[Sightseek]

That is terrible!

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. , the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.' I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!' So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... 'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?' Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.' Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?' I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.' And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that @#@!# knows I'm smarter than her