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#1
08-08-2008, 02:07 PM
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My favorite so far...
Okay so at my school we have faculty advisers that are assigned to students according to their last names. The faculty advisers help students with scheduling conflicts, general questions, help with internships/employment, etc. My adviser is named Jess Depew and as you can see she's pretty hot. The picture doesn't really do her justice but they're all I've got at the moment. She's like 25 and she's only been at the school a few years. Anyway, I have been looking into getting an internship at a TV station or something over the summer, and the school helps coordinate these things with an internship database that's maintained by the advisers. You log on with your school ID and password and you can browse internships and stuff. I was having trouble logging on to mine so I went to go see Ms. Depew. That's where all the trouble started. Firstly, I walked into office like 15 minutes early like an idiot and she's in the middle of lunch. So I awkwardly make stupid stall talk until she's finished. "Oh, hey, what are you eating?" "Salmon. I love it. I eat it practically everyday." "Just salmon? That's pretty weird." Why the hell did I say this? "Oh, well, I don't know. I try to eat healthy, natural foods...you know, like wild berries and honey and stuff." "Yeah, I like food too." *facepalm* Man, I was so nervous. Anyway, we finally begin squaring my stuff away. She looks up what I registered with in the beginning of the year. This is when the crap really hit the fan. This is how the conversation went: "Okay, you're account name is [my name] and your password is ...'depewissexy'..." Oh damn. I completely forgot that I put that as my password in the beginning of the year. What the hell was I thinking? It was probably the longest 20 seconds of my life before I finally got my balls together to stand up and leave. Just as I walk out the door she says, "In the future, you might want to bear in mind what kind of things you want keep to yourself." I was so freaking embarrassed I wanted to kill myself right then and there. I wanted to run the hell out of there and never, ever see her again. But something about what she just said kept me standing in her doorway. I decided to man up and apologize. I turned to her, looked her straight in the eyes, and swallowed my pride. And then, it hit me like a train full of bricks. She was eating Salmon. She tries to eat all healthy, natural foods, like wild berries and honey. She told me that I might want to bear in mind what kind of things I want to keep to myself. Ms. Depew was a bear disguised as a human. 
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#4
08-08-2008, 02:39 PM
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I was sitting alone at home one night, curled up in a blanket on the couch. I was watching "Sex in the City" and I heard a knock at the door. I got up, and looked out the peephole. It was Kobe Bryant. I was very surprised, I do not know him personally. I opened the door and let him in, because hey, its not like a huge NBA star is there to rob you or anything! After he stepped in the foyer, he grabbed me and made me swallow my chewing gum. I immediately blurted out that was a horrible thing to do because it will stay in there for 7 years! Kobe began laughing incredibly hard, then grabbed me again. Before I could even scream, he was ripping off my pants and lowering my panties, "jamming" his enormous dong into my tight, but willing cunny. He truly began raping me viciously in every hole, but it wasnt rape. I hadn't had sex in the past year, and I really needed this. Especially from such a well endowed man. As he thrusted in and out, he picked me up and moved me into the kitchen. I didnt have any idea why. He opened the freezer and removed my frozen pre-made chicken nuggets. He popped them in the microwave and continued his sexual escapade. Kobe began sniffing loudly, pulling in immense amounts of air through his huge negro nostrils. "Whats wrong, Kobe? Keep Thrusting!" I yelled, as I was nearing climax. But he continued sniffing uncontrollably. He then dropped me on the floor, reached in the microwave and grabbed the plate of nuggets. The worst thing ever happened next. He grabbed each nugget, smelled it, licked it, and then jammed it right into his anus. Before long, Kobe's anus was full of Tyson's very best nuggets, and I was masturbating to my second climax (I, however, did not notice him doing his thing with the nuggets). The next thing, however, was what shocked, surprised, and scarred me for life. Kobe walked over to me, and said "Ya hungry?" I said "Were you cooking those nuggets for us to eat? How thoughtful of you!" To my surprise, he said "No way bitch! Now eat up!" and he sat right down on my face and began to **** the nuggets, one by one, into my mouth. He exhibited amazing anal control, and surprisingly the **** encrusted nuggets tasted fabulous. Kobe has been coming over whenever the Lakers are in town for the past year ohh yeah.
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#5
08-08-2008, 02:40 PM
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Quote:
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#7
08-08-2008, 02:46 PM
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Quote:
I think it might be hossy though he does put up pictures of himself as a bear. If ya can masquerade as human when you are really a bear, what's to say you can't masquerade as girl when you are a boy!
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#8
08-08-2008, 02:49 PM
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When I was little my mom used to put a buttplug in me (which she called a poop plug) and I'd wear it all the time. It had this star of david with a cross inside it painted on the base. I was told only to take it out to poop, wipe my ass, then put it back in.
I was really young so I thought this was just something everybody did but one time at school I dropped it when I flushed the toilet and it ended up getting flushed. So when I went back to class I told my teacher that my poop plug got flushed down the toilet. She had no idea what I was talking about so she sent me to the school nurse. Well after trying to explain what a poop plug was for 15 minutes the school calls the police. The police ask me all these questions and at first I'm scared because I think I'm in trouble for losing my poop plug. Turns out my mom has schizophrenia and was making me wear this butt plug so Satan couldn't stick his cock in my pooper and make me gay. I end up being raised by my aunt and uncle (mom's sister) and my mom is still in a mental hospital (and probably will be for life). I still visit her and don't really hold anything against her because she was ill. For what it's worth though, Satan never stuck his cock in my pooper and I'm not gay.
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#9
08-08-2008, 03:08 PM
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I'm an Alpha male /b/.
And girls want to **** alpha males. Let it piss you off as much as you want, but you know it's completely true. That girl you like who is kinda cute in a weird way, but is totally sweet and you have the biggest crush on? The one who keeps going back to guys who treat her wrong for reasnos you don't understand? The one who calls you up at 1 am to cry about how her boyfriend hasn't called her in 3 days, and no matter how long you listen to her, she'll never think of you as anything other than asexual? The one who will curl up next to you on the couch, hug you close, kiss you on the cheek, and never let you ****ing touch her beyond that? Yeah, I'm ****ing her. The hot girl who won't even look at you when you nod at them and smile? The one who laughs when you trip in the hallway and drop your stuff? The one who comes up and coyly aks for your help with her homework, and then pretends you don't exist once you finish? Yeah, I'm ****ing her too, even harder. The geeky girl you think might be enough like you that you have a chance with her? She plays warcraft on your server, and watches anime, and reads comics? She's so incredible and you just love her so much but you still haven't worked up the courage to tell her how you feel about her? Guess who just sucked me off and told me they'll always love me?
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