Aussie Humour

[2 Dollar Bill]

Originally Posted by magic_idol

While we were pointing fingers i thought it would be a great time to involve the English

A miner in Africa has an accident and loses a leg. He says to his mate "I'm
f---ed, who will want a one legged gold digger?" His mate says "try Paul
McCartney"

Good One......Still laughin !

[Mortimer]

Ya just cain't bah stuff lak 'is.

[magic_idol]

>>> The Bacon Tree
>>> Two Mexicans are lost in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to
>>> death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable,
>>> when all of a sudden.......
>>> 'Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure of eet.'
>>> 'Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee.'
>>> So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and
>>> there,
>>> in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
>>> There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back
>>> bacon,
>>> double smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.
>>> 'Pepe, Pepe, we is saved. 'Eees a bacon tree.'
>>> 'Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don't
>>> forget.'
>>> 'Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon... ees
>>> no
>>> meerage, ees a bacon tree'.
>>> And with that... Luis Races towards the tree. He gets to within 5
>>> metres,
>>> Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens
>>> up,and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally
>>> wounded
>>> but, a true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying
>>> breath.
>>> 'Pepe... go back man,you was right , ees not a bacon tree.'
>>> 'Luis Luis mi amigo... what ees it?
>>> 'Pepe... ees not a bacon tree...
>>> Ees
>>> Ees
>>> Ees
>>> Ees
>>> Ees
>>> Ees
>>> Ees
>>> Eees a Ham Bush

[hi_im_god]

Originally Posted by magic_idol

>>> The Bacon Tree
>>> Two Mexicans are lost in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to
>>> death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable,
>>> when all of a sudden.......
>>> 'Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure of eet.'
>>> 'Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee.'
>>> So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and
>>> there,
>>> in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
>>> There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back
>>> bacon,
>>> double smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.
>>> 'Pepe, Pepe, we is saved. 'Eees a bacon tree.'
>>> 'Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don't
>>> forget.'
>>> 'Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon... ees
>>> no
>>> meerage, ees a bacon tree'.
>>> And with that... Luis Races towards the tree. He gets to within 5
>>> metres,
>>> Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens
>>> up,and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally
>>> wounded
>>> but, a true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying
>>> breath.
>>> 'Pepe... go back man,you was right , ees not a bacon tree.'
>>> 'Luis Luis mi amigo... what ees it?
>>> 'Pepe... ees not a bacon tree...
>>> Ees
>>> Ees
>>> Ees
>>> Ees
>>> Ees
>>> Ees
>>> Ees
>>> Eees a Ham Bush

i don't get it.

[magic_idol]

Originally Posted by hi_im_god

i don't get it.

It's A Ambush were as a bacon tree would be a HAM BUSH

[magic_idol]

Try this one Though Warning !!! This is only a Joke

Ahmed the Arab came to the Sydney from the Middle East, and he was only here a few months when he became very ill. He went to doctor after doctor, but none of them could help him.

Finally, he went to an Arab doctor who said, "Take dees bocket, go into de odder room, **** in de bocket, piss on de ****, and den put your head down over de bocket and breathe in de fumes for
ten minutes."

Ahmed took the bucket, went into the other room, **** in the bucket, pissed on the ****, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.

Coming back to the doctor he said, "It worked. I feel terrific! What was wrong with me?"

The doctor said, "You were homesick ."

[hi_im_god]

Originally Posted by magic_idol

It's A Ambush were as a bacon tree would be a HAM BUSH

i'm still confused.

why would someone think an animal product would be available from a plant? that's the part i'm not getting.

[magic_idol]

Originally Posted by hi_im_god

i'm still confused.

why would someone think an animal product would be available from a plant? that's the part i'm not getting.

I can answer This one in song

In the desert you cant remember your name for there aint no one for to give you no pain.

The desert makes you see funny things

Oh Well I tried Lets put it down to a missed connection Humour is different all around the world !!! just last night i am still trying to see how the comedy 2 & a half men with Charlie Sheen is funny