Anybody hear any good jokes lately?

[bigrun]

Oldie but goodie




BUTTERCUPS AND GOLF BALLS

Towards the end of a round of golf, Dave hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty, yellow buttercups.
Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.
All of a sudden, POOF!
In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.
She said, 'I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life... better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life... As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything for the rest of your life!!!'
Then POOF!. she was gone!
After Dave recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, 'Fred, where are you?'
Fred yells back 'I'm over here in the ***** willows.'
Dave shouts back, 'DON'T SWING, Fred' FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING!

[bigrun]

Now this here is funny



http://www.maniacworld.com/flv/Hilla...Concussion.mp4

[Arletta]

Wife starts picking on her husband at the State Fair

http://news.quickmeme.com/news/?p=6207

[Arletta]

A blonde describing her recent window replacement with a friend.

Last year, I replaced, like, all the windows in my house with those
expensive, double-pane,energy-efficient kind.
Today, I, like, got a call from the contractor who installed them.
He complained that the work had been completed a year ago. and I still
hadn't, like, paid for them. OMG! Hellooo... Just because I'm blonde doesn't
mean that I'm, like, automatically stupid.
So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year --
that these windows would, like, pay for themselves in a year.
Hellooo? It's been a year, so they're, like, paid for, I told him.
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung up.
He never called back.
I bet he felt like an idiot.

[bigrun]

I don't care who you are this here stuff is funny..check them all..


http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report



Kim Jong-un Feels Snubbed by Absence of Letter from Republicans
BY ANDY BOROWITZ



Congress’s Approval Rating No Longer Detectable by Current Technology



Hillary Releases Twenty Thousand Spam E-Mails from Old Navy

[Arletta]

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a ...case of Miller Lite and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans', he replies. 'Put them back, it's a waste of money', demands the wife, and so he does and they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along, the woman picks up a $20 jar of ...face cream and puts it in the basket.

What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband... "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Miller Lite and it's half the price....'

HUSBAND DOWN, AISLE 7 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[casp0555]

Ive heard several variations......

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQxvHKThXcU