The Cleveland Sporty Page

[horseofcourse]

clyde....basketball is the best sport, and we got basketball in Cleveland!! You should just get over it real soon. Your obsession with Lequeen is not healthy. He left just like all the basebally guys that left, the difference is he came back while still good unlike that basebally guy who has a statue now who actually did say they'd have to rip that Cleveland jersey off his back (he forgot the addendum..."unless I get an extra year on my contract from philly!" we all loved that stupid hick though!!) I also look at it as brilliant strategery by LeBron as once he left it allowed for multiple years of stench to acquire top notch talent in the draft to play and also to trade to acquire top notch talents like super Love!

What's scary about the Brownies is they have played perfect football (zero turnovers in 3 games and yet still stand at 1-2...what the heck happens when they don't play perfect??)

I still say Tribe is set up for dominance 2015-2017. Their young hurlers have nasty stuff. All they need is for Kipnis to not be stenchful and just one more offensive player, they'll be a 90-100 win team for quite awhile. Front office has been brilliant. Kluber for Westbrook. Gomes for Esmil Rogers. We ended up with a star for Sabathia in Brantley, and it took a very long time but even the Cliff Lee trade has been won....Carrasco!!! Ramirez looked pretty good at short, and we have Lindor near ready. Kipnis will be going back to the outfield very soon I think. Lots of problems have been fixed quickly. Good times are acomin'!!

[Rileyoriley]

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POSTMORTEM:












BARF!!!!






Thank my lucky's I only play with counterfeit Monopoly money.Which reminds me;this weeks NCAA FIX OF THE WEEK!! award ( the official insignia of fixers is a tool box stuffed with $100 bills,by the way) goes to the entire punt coverage team of Michigan State.

That 7 points was looking mighty good until you fellers suddenly went blind.



Now for Mr. Horsey.

I do agree ,generally, about the Tribe. All my groaning was pointed at this season's run for the playoffs playin spot.

Pitching looks peachy;offense still looks pruney.And they better get something else to do for Kipnis as far as a glove is concerned.Rodriguez to 2nd and the Lindor guy to short.At least pitchers won't have to close their eyes and grit their teeth on easy grounders either side of 2nd.Now they will only need to pray for easy ones hit to third.Chisenhall makes the hot corner a thruway.

I don't know what they do about run production.

There is no punting n baseball.


You mentioned the BIG LIAH.

Please, no more. I would accept the statue if the player's uniform was shown being torn off.That would add the needed level of satirical disparagement for that Barnum&Bailey walrus.

No more mention of pro basketball either,please.

I will leave it lay too, I promise.

And when the Browns don't play perfect----they win.



The Tenneessee Titans are this weeks recipients of the NFL Burma Point Shave trophy.The late punt block out of the end zone for a safety was brilliant.

Fixing is proliferating to the point multiple fixes may be found in the same game.We may see a qb being paid to throw a key interception to a cornerback who is being paid not to intercept.The qb should refrain from showing leadership by chewing out the butter fingered cornerback so as not to arouse suspicion.



Good day,Sporty Fans and remember: Your luck is out when the fix is in.

[Arletta]

From Clyde

IMPORTANT...no!----HUGE!! ANNOUNCEMENT FROM CLYDE COLLINWOOD's SPORTY DEKS!......I mean DESK!!


The maker of CLYDEFORM!!.... now introduce:

FIXER SNIFFER!!




Yes, after laborious hours of compiling compilers and all sorts of information in college football and squishing it all into a team's profile ( which includes large dossiers on key players,coaches,referees and big alumni donators as well as the known nefarious fixers----oh,by the way----the latter is particularly prominent in the SEC and is the residue of the Southern Mafia,made up of primarily Irish swine).This software enables the user to click on any team and it will show who they are playing along with the average point spread. If one team's name is in red bolded letters,this tells that team has been fixed to blow the spread.FIXER SNIFFER is 97% accurate!!


Sometimes.

But don't believe me.

Just try it almost free for one weekend at the almost free price of $19.95.


Dave Schwontz has NOTHING to do with FIXER SNIFFER!!----honest.If you need more,tune in tomorrow and I will GIVE you some college fb games that cannot lose.Finally the sporty bettor has a great software tool to aid him or her in focusing on the fixed games;something not available in the past.


(This offer is not available to Canadians.)

[Arletta]

We interrupt this silence with a message from ~ Clyde


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FIXER SNIFFER!! REPORTS:




HUGE fixing in the SEC this weekend.The Crimson Lied cannot afford Saban
anymore;so----the AD and Prez have fixed the game and bet heavily against LOL
TIDE!

Take Arkysas and the 9.



SissiMippi is on the take this weekend.

Take Texas M&M minus 2.




The BT Fix of the Week:


State Penn needs money.The Prez and Board of Regents are taking the Vulvarenes
-1.They are losing by a LOT more than 1.

Take the Vulvarenes and give that point away.




BONUS:


If Aprilweather and Girly do fight.....don't pour out the money over this
anticipated mess.Both are well on the downside and would fight only for the huge
retirement check.

Blech!



Bet PyriteBlues to win that Ohio Distaff.




Do not bet NFL games.

Even the fixers don't know what in God's name is going on.




SportyFans,remember: DO NOT USE REAL MONOPOLY MONEY!

[geeker2]

Geeeezzzzeeeee.... I almost forgot HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLYDEEEEEEE !!!!

[Arletta]

From the man in the grey suit ~ Clyde



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The LOL TIDE! is home to those losers of their last two, the Texas Baggies.They are at home, but meet another big challenge after repulsing Arkysas last Saturday....by one point.Dick Saban wasn't too happy about fan outrage over that squeaky win.He acted like it was against his players,knowing full well it was directed at him for underachieving by about $7 million so far this year.He's actually lucky Arkysas is coached by a giant ant eater. Hang in there,Dick.You can always talk to the Dolphins.


Just deny it.

Kenny "Already Over The" Hill will help the Baggies bag another game, but by less than 11.5.

But a win would not be surprising.




Field Goal Jesus visits the Florida State Squaws.Lots of hype for this "big" one between two very overrated teams. They both get a break after facing tough foes in N.Carolina and Syracuse.


No they weren't!

This isn't basketball.Truly horrendous performances by both.

Anyhoo----anyone could win this game,but Pigskin Clyde thinks one should take the Semenals giving 12.




Rootgers sacrifices its fb team at THIS Ohio State.Rootgers could only beat the Vulvarenes by two at their home field a couple of weeks back.That's not saying a whole lot.And they LOST to State Penn! At home!!!! AWFUL! However;if they are clicking they can produce a pretty neat passing attack.As you know, Ohio State goes brain dead when faced with the forward pass.It's quite mind boggling to them.As poorly as Rootgers has played against those two BT "one yard.... make that 2 feet and a cloud of dust" offenses....take Rootgers getting 19.5.



May the best point shavers win.

[Arletta]

From not me but Mr. Clyde


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Great big ol' happy greetings to Sporty Fans all over this fine universe of ours.A feeling,have I....that some of you are from the various parallel unversi but cannot reveal it because you don't want us to know you do exist.


Really;we don't care.

Anyways!!....I would like to critique my fine work from last weekend,but my wuffie ate my picks.

Such a shame,but we must go one.


I do hope my pastier gets these up in time.It's about 7 PM on Thursday so she does have plenty of time.I know you all can't wait for me to help you lose money.


Ol' Witch is at L-Less U,with the latter being given 3.5.

Take 'um points and L-Less U.


The Vulvarenes are at the Quartans.Take the visitors and the 17.MSU is not as good on defense this year.The Vulvarenes do have that.They are pretty good at defense.I think they break out of their awful performance this year and may well even beat the Quartans.


THIS Ohio State bikes to the backwoods of Happy Valley.DaffyDanny did not kill nearly enough of them and so the game will go one.State Penn has an offensive line resembling a toll booth with the gate permanently stuck open.The defensive line is pretty good, but THIS Ohio State will simply go around them.Take THIS Ohio State giving 13.5.



Sporty Fans;it is now your turn.

Git at dem beans!!