Congrats! You've just been appointed...

[Pants II]

I would do everything in my power to cover up domestic violence.

Lifetime ban if you test positive for marijuana.

Pink jockey pants for breast cancer awareness month.

I would put white people in the infield to do general farm labor for black history month.

And I'd increase takeout and introduce a pay-per-view only option to view live races.

And I'd also campaign for the democratic party and ban whips.