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#1
02-03-2011, 12:24 PM
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Quote:
in Illinois it's not who votes that counts it's who counts the votes
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ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ 
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#2
02-03-2011, 03:47 PM
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Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.
The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years. 'Well, it's quite simple, really,' says the seller, 'whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain.' And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline. That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, 'I have to tell you something about my family before we go in.' 'When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes.' 'No problem,' he says. And in they go. Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word. So he reaches over and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. He looks at her mom.. 'She's got a great body,' he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, pulls down her panties, and screws her every which way right there on the dinner table. After she has a big orgasm, he sits down again. Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, the Mom is pleasantly beaming. But still, Total silence. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket... Suddenly the father shouted.... 'I'll do the ****ing dishes!!!
__________________
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ
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#3
02-04-2011, 03:35 PM
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Jane Velez Mitchell really cares about people, and isn't just another angry dry drunk.
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#4
02-06-2011, 01:12 PM
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A six year old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa.
When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her Grandma and bursts into her Grandpa's room. "Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!" "What?" said her Grandpa. "Make a noise like a frog - because Grandma said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disneyland !”
__________________
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ
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#5
02-07-2011, 10:45 AM
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__________________
I l  Cigar, Medaglia d'Oro, Big Brown, Curlin, Rachel Alexandra, Silver Charm, First Samurai, Sumwonlovesyou, Lloydobler, Ausable Chasm, AND Prince Will I Am "Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary.” Cecil Beaton
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#6
02-07-2011, 04:43 PM
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Quote:
I am surprised no one had a heart attack
__________________
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ
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#7
02-08-2011, 03:03 PM
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Quote:
__________________
I l Cigar, Medaglia d'Oro, Big Brown, Curlin, Rachel Alexandra, Silver Charm, First Samurai, Sumwonlovesyou, Lloydobler, Ausable Chasm, AND Prince Will I Am "Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary.” Cecil Beaton
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#8
02-08-2011, 03:06 PM
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WHY SENTENCE STRUCTURE IS SO IMPORTANT
The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people - Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because he liked the both of them. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning. Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after having partied all night. She went straight to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached and said, "Debra I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off." Debra replied, "Couple you please jack off, I feel like ****."
__________________
I l Cigar, Medaglia d'Oro, Big Brown, Curlin, Rachel Alexandra, Silver Charm, First Samurai, Sumwonlovesyou, Lloydobler, Ausable Chasm, AND Prince Will I Am "Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary.” Cecil Beaton
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