The Cleveland Sporty Page

[Arletta]

From the banned one ~ Clyde

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SportyFans....please.I don't have time for everything.Tom Peely from Brazil wrote:

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Mr. Collinwood: Why you do not cover soccer?

Mr. Peely:Because I hate short people.I don't cover tether ball as I hate tall people.So don't go trying to say I'm racist.

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OK?



Now, let us get to the Pigskin Clyde Picks!



Ohio State home to Cincinnati----Ohio could really vaporize Cincy and they could lose/win a close one.The only unknown for me is if Ohio has larnt to defend the forward pass.I'll take a chance and say go with Ohio State giving 14.

MinnySotah at the Vulvarenes----Take Minny-Sotah getting 7.TheVulvarenes' coaches are fighting among themselves and the players play a game Jack Nicklaus is unfamiliar with.

Westnorthern at StatePenn-----Take WN getting 10.

The Hosers home to the Maryland Sherr Co.----Take the Hosers giving 4.

And in the Game of the Week----Take those FightingVagini at the Corn****ers place getting 17.5.



The Tribe goes down not fighting.

The Brownies don't play.

And the Cavaliers play a game no hockey fan cares about.



Aprilweather will fight that SA guy for a 3rd time on November 25th.It's what the fans want.

Derek Jeter Worship is over....THANK YOU GOD!!!! These awful retirement announcements before the player's last season are truly abysmal.


That'll do 'er,SportyFans.

This is your fine sporty writer,Clyde Collinwood,signing off with his usual signature line: "'Indians Hitters!! TAKE STEROIDS already fer **** sakes!!!!

[Arletta]

A message from Clyde




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Welcome to another edition of Cleveland Sporty Page.And welcome to hour new audience from the Andromeda Galaxy.They play their sports nikkidie over there;and it's girls sports only so huge high fives to all Andromedaens.


Anyhoo----first 3 fb games right,last 2 wrong from Saturday.

I think this means I should stick to picking 3.

So it be.


Ohio State still has an itty bitty trouble defending that doggone new fangled contraption:The forward pass.This is not good.The Maryland Sherr Oir team can throw pretty well,although their defense.....isn't bad either.Here's the angle this fine sporty writer will play.Maryland had to be very high playing their first BT game at the Hosers,while the Hosers probably had a let down after beating the ranked Missouri team at Missouri-----I would think.Why I took the Hosers last week-----no idea.

Now then,Maryland plays it's very first BT at home against the biggest name BT fb school.SEC fans.....take it easy.I'm just talking about the BT.


Nya?

So, can Maryland get high two weeks in a row?

I'm sure you devoted drug abusers think it easy, but this is different.


They will have their first sell out in 6 years, which should tell you what a fb hotbed Maryland.... isn't.This all adds up to being a "take Ohio State minus the 8.5."The final score could be 42-31, but it's still more than 8.5.


Take Rootgers less 2.5 against those loveable Vulvarenes.Rootgers is kind of like the Sherr Oir's in this game;only their competition is becoming a candidate for the MAC.If the MAC would consider taking them on.....which,I doubt.

The Cornfucl<ers are at The Michigan State Quartans.I think the fever is delayed and hits on the 7th day ,which will make it pretty tough on that cool,calm, mild mannered orangutang----Bo Pellini.

Take the Quartans giving 6.5.




The Tribe's season is over:Good news.

Bad news:The Brown's isn't.

Worst news:The NBA season is soon to start.



Hockey? I don't even know if it's started or has ended....or what their point seems to be.I look at it as Canadian Rugby.

Mailman Bob,harness horsey at Northfield;HUGE fan.



Don't bet any real Monopoly money on these games,sporty fans.The fix is in everywhere.

[horseofcourse]

clyde....basketball is the best sport, and we got basketball in Cleveland!! You should just get over it real soon. Your obsession with Lequeen is not healthy. He left just like all the basebally guys that left, the difference is he came back while still good unlike that basebally guy who has a statue now who actually did say they'd have to rip that Cleveland jersey off his back (he forgot the addendum..."unless I get an extra year on my contract from philly!" we all loved that stupid hick though!!) I also look at it as brilliant strategery by LeBron as once he left it allowed for multiple years of stench to acquire top notch talent in the draft to play and also to trade to acquire top notch talents like super Love!

What's scary about the Brownies is they have played perfect football (zero turnovers in 3 games and yet still stand at 1-2...what the heck happens when they don't play perfect??)

I still say Tribe is set up for dominance 2015-2017. Their young hurlers have nasty stuff. All they need is for Kipnis to not be stenchful and just one more offensive player, they'll be a 90-100 win team for quite awhile. Front office has been brilliant. Kluber for Westbrook. Gomes for Esmil Rogers. We ended up with a star for Sabathia in Brantley, and it took a very long time but even the Cliff Lee trade has been won....Carrasco!!! Ramirez looked pretty good at short, and we have Lindor near ready. Kipnis will be going back to the outfield very soon I think. Lots of problems have been fixed quickly. Good times are acomin'!!

[Rileyoriley]

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POSTMORTEM:












BARF!!!!






Thank my lucky's I only play with counterfeit Monopoly money.Which reminds me;this weeks NCAA FIX OF THE WEEK!! award ( the official insignia of fixers is a tool box stuffed with $100 bills,by the way) goes to the entire punt coverage team of Michigan State.

That 7 points was looking mighty good until you fellers suddenly went blind.



Now for Mr. Horsey.

I do agree ,generally, about the Tribe. All my groaning was pointed at this season's run for the playoffs playin spot.

Pitching looks peachy;offense still looks pruney.And they better get something else to do for Kipnis as far as a glove is concerned.Rodriguez to 2nd and the Lindor guy to short.At least pitchers won't have to close their eyes and grit their teeth on easy grounders either side of 2nd.Now they will only need to pray for easy ones hit to third.Chisenhall makes the hot corner a thruway.

I don't know what they do about run production.

There is no punting n baseball.


You mentioned the BIG LIAH.

Please, no more. I would accept the statue if the player's uniform was shown being torn off.That would add the needed level of satirical disparagement for that Barnum&Bailey walrus.

No more mention of pro basketball either,please.

I will leave it lay too, I promise.

And when the Browns don't play perfect----they win.



The Tenneessee Titans are this weeks recipients of the NFL Burma Point Shave trophy.The late punt block out of the end zone for a safety was brilliant.

Fixing is proliferating to the point multiple fixes may be found in the same game.We may see a qb being paid to throw a key interception to a cornerback who is being paid not to intercept.The qb should refrain from showing leadership by chewing out the butter fingered cornerback so as not to arouse suspicion.



Good day,Sporty Fans and remember: Your luck is out when the fix is in.

[Arletta]

From Clyde

IMPORTANT...no!----HUGE!! ANNOUNCEMENT FROM CLYDE COLLINWOOD's SPORTY DEKS!......I mean DESK!!


The maker of CLYDEFORM!!.... now introduce:

FIXER SNIFFER!!




Yes, after laborious hours of compiling compilers and all sorts of information in college football and squishing it all into a team's profile ( which includes large dossiers on key players,coaches,referees and big alumni donators as well as the known nefarious fixers----oh,by the way----the latter is particularly prominent in the SEC and is the residue of the Southern Mafia,made up of primarily Irish swine).This software enables the user to click on any team and it will show who they are playing along with the average point spread. If one team's name is in red bolded letters,this tells that team has been fixed to blow the spread.FIXER SNIFFER is 97% accurate!!


Sometimes.

But don't believe me.

Just try it almost free for one weekend at the almost free price of $19.95.


Dave Schwontz has NOTHING to do with FIXER SNIFFER!!----honest.If you need more,tune in tomorrow and I will GIVE you some college fb games that cannot lose.Finally the sporty bettor has a great software tool to aid him or her in focusing on the fixed games;something not available in the past.


(This offer is not available to Canadians.)

[Arletta]

We interrupt this silence with a message from ~ Clyde


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FIXER SNIFFER!! REPORTS:




HUGE fixing in the SEC this weekend.The Crimson Lied cannot afford Saban
anymore;so----the AD and Prez have fixed the game and bet heavily against LOL
TIDE!

Take Arkysas and the 9.



SissiMippi is on the take this weekend.

Take Texas M&M minus 2.




The BT Fix of the Week:


State Penn needs money.The Prez and Board of Regents are taking the Vulvarenes
-1.They are losing by a LOT more than 1.

Take the Vulvarenes and give that point away.




BONUS:


If Aprilweather and Girly do fight.....don't pour out the money over this
anticipated mess.Both are well on the downside and would fight only for the huge
retirement check.

Blech!



Bet PyriteBlues to win that Ohio Distaff.




Do not bet NFL games.

Even the fixers don't know what in God's name is going on.




SportyFans,remember: DO NOT USE REAL MONOPOLY MONEY!

[geeker2]

Geeeezzzzeeeee.... I almost forgot HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLYDEEEEEEE !!!!