A New Era at DerbyTrail.com

[Indian Charlie]

Originally Posted by Calzone Lord

As some of you have observed, DerbyTrail.com has been in an extended slump.

Our leadership has regrettably made some very bad decisions.

I'm not going to knock our braintrust for making an error when we selected Alabama Stakes in the 1st round of the 2010 draft...but we're STILL trying to dig ourselves out of that fiasco.

Some of the decisions appeared to make sense at the time. Trading Philcski for a 2012 1st round draft pick was a tough move. The argument at the time was 'we are getting great value for a recently married poster who is getting deep into his 30's'

However, that trade looks absurd now considering we used the draft pick on Handicapper Ernie and we've already cut him.

I am here to tell you that this is now a new Era at Derby Trail. I've offically been hired to run this board.

This all started when I got a PM from Kasept advising me that DerbyTrail.com has taken steps to issue several billion dollars worth of corporate bonds so that DT can pay special dividends to me as new CEO and give me the ammo to recruit new talent.

This is, of course, his first brilliant move in a while. He is leveraging the incalculable value of DT.com to borrow low cost money, which will pay my salary and allow me to bring in heavy hitters.

I have also accepted the title of 'Super Mod' and I want to make one thing clear to all right now...

PLEASE, let's try to keep some of the discussions a little more civil around here, if we could.

For example, instead of, "You don't know what the fucl< you're talking about, you sperm-chugging mongloid," try for something more like, "I understand your position, but I respectfully disagree."

I'll report back with more information as necessary.

Thanks for your time and cooperation.

PS - pending the results of her physical and a psychological evaluation, Riot has been traded to Paceadvantage.com for a 7th round pick in 2013.

In the interest of establishing full transparency, will Riot be performing the evaluation on herself?

I'm pretty sure her evaluation is the only one she'll listen to, so I think for that trade to work, this is how it must go down.

[cmorioles]

Please reinstate Ernie. He has done his time.

[my miss storm cat]

Originally Posted by cmorioles

Please reinstate Ernie. He has done his time.

Awww breaks my heart to read this.It's like your other half is missing.

Still.

Here's hoping...

[Vegaskid]

I must be a 1st rounder!! I heard you guys traded up to get me!!

I hate to say it but you should build the whole damn team around ME!!

Trade away all the old stiffs!!!

Lol, really it's a good place to come and get some intelligent opinions!!

[jms62]

Originally Posted by Vegaskid

I must be a 1st rounder!! I heard you guys traded up to get me!!

I hate to say it but you should build the whole damn team around ME!!

Trade away all the old stiffs!!!

Lol, really it's a good place to come and get some intelligent opinions!!

^^^^ Demands participation trophy

[Calzone Lord]

Originally Posted by Vegaskid

I must be a 1st rounder!! I heard you guys traded up to get me!!

I hate to say it but you should build the whole damn team around ME!!

Trade away all the old stiffs!!!

Lol, really it's a good place to come and get some intelligent opinions!!

So far you have been the Blaine Gabbert to Alabama Stakes Ryan Leaf.

[GenuineRisk]

I respectfully disagree with your spelling of "mongoloid."

[cakes44]

Originally Posted by Calzone Lord

So far you have been the Blaine Gabbert to Alabama Stakes Ryan Leaf.

Not sure I have an idea how to take that.

[Calzone Lord]

Originally Posted by cmorioles

Please reinstate Ernie. He has done his time.

I appreciate your suggestion, but appeal denied at this moment.

However, since you are one of the posters here that have been carrying the water instead of drinking it... I will broach the subject with my new hand-selected cabinet at our first meeting.

I have been dealing with Kasept all day today...it's like pulling teeth, but I have finally succeeded in setting up our inital meeting.

This is what I told him about the requirements of myself and my new team earlier today:

We'll be arriving on a private jet, and will need professional limo service awaiting our arrival. Please, no cheap and dirty taxi cabs. We're... above that. The driver MUST be there at least 20 minutes early, and MUST be caucasian and clean shaven. No exceptions.

Once we arrive at the establishment a red carpet must be rolled out for our entrance. Glasses of your finest champaign will be poured and ready to be placed into our eager hands the moment we step out of the limo.

Inside the lounge we will require our own roped off VIP section with an array of fine cigars and spirits at the ready.

Table side we will require a personal chef from a Michelin 3-star restaurant ready to satiate our fine appetites.

A few special guest posters that we appreciate will be invited individually for 5-to-10 minute increments to visit with us.

We demand that JustinDew be our personal jester and perform various acts of entertainment on demand. He will be supplied a monkey suit three times too small for him that he must wear for the duration of the evening.

We will be supplied four escorts: 1 blonde, 1 brunette, 1 red-head, and 1 midget. They must be willing to perform any number of sexual activities from stripping to rub downs to conceiving our children.

The DerbyTrail.com corporate account will pick up the tab for the abortions if we so choose.

We will be sending out notifications to our specially selected guests sometime within the next week. We look forward to meeting you fortunate few.

[pointman]

I have to admit that the Riot deal was absolute highway robbery.

[MaTH716]

Originally Posted by Calzone Lord

I appreciate your suggestion, but appeal denied at this moment.

However, since you are one of the posters here that have been carrying the water instead of drinking it... I will broach the subject with my new hand-selected cabinet at our first meeting.

I have been dealing with Kasept all day today...it's like pulling teeth, but I have finally succeeded in setting up our inital meeting.

This is what I told him about the requirements of myself and my new team earlier today:

We'll be arriving on a private jet, and will need professional limo service awaiting our arrival. Please, no cheap and dirty taxi cabs. We're... above that. The driver MUST be there at least 20 minutes early, and MUST be caucasian and clean shaven. No exceptions.

Once we arrive at the establishment a red carpet must be rolled out for our entrance. Glasses of your finest champaign will be poured and ready to be placed into our eager hands the moment we step out of the limo.

Inside the lounge we will require our own roped off VIP section with an array of fine cigars and spirits at the ready.

Table side we will require a personal chef from a Michelin 3-star restaurant ready to satiate our fine appetites.

A few special guest posters that we appreciate will be invited individually for 5-to-10 minute increments to visit with us.

We demand that JustinDew be our personal jester and perform various acts of entertainment on demand. He will be supplied a monkey suit three times too small for him that he must wear for the duration of the evening.

We will be supplied four escorts: 1 blonde, 1 brunette, 1 red-head, and 1 midget. They must be willing to perform any number of sexual activities from stripping to rub downs to conceiving our children.

The DerbyTrail.com corporate account will pick up the tab for the abortions if we so choose.

We will be sending out notifications to our specially selected guests sometime within the next week. We look forward to meeting you fortunate few.

During the JustinDew comedy hour, will there be a segment devoted to his thoughts on Zanjero?

[Vegaskid]

Originally Posted by Calzone Lord

So far you have been the Blaine Gabbert to Alabama Stakes Ryan Leaf.

Whew! Beats a Jemarcus Russell any day!!