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#1
02-24-2012, 10:48 PM
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#2
02-25-2012, 02:06 AM
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__________________
Felix Unger talking to Oscar Madison: "Your horse could finish third by 20 lengths and they still pay you? And you have been losing money for all these years?!"
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#3
02-25-2012, 04:21 AM
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Timeline time
Wow, what a blur this past 4 days has been. I had the pleasure of meeting many fellow dt'ers and hopefully created friendships that will last a very long time.
So while I sit in Tampa international with about an hour to kill I'll try to give you the highlights and lowlights of a very memorable 4 days. Tuesday- Trip starts when I fly into Orlando for business at the crack of dawn. Not expected to meet up with the gang until the next day. Eat breakfast at a rancid IHOP that will lead to many lowlights in the following days. But in the short term I have a brief laugh at stuffing up their lone toilet on the way out. I high tail it out of there before they find out and expect to undo the carnage that I did. But in the end they will get the last laugh, believe me.......... In the meantime I have tons of time to kill as it's early and I'm not expected at my destination until late afternoon, but I do start heading towards that direction. As I'm driving on I4 I see a sign for a dog track, hell why not? So I cut across 4 lanes and get off having no idea where or how far this place is. Thankfully it was only about 20 minutes away, with the only thing guiding me are these little signs that I keep spotting by the grace of God every few miles. But with his guiding hand I stumble across the Orlando Sanford dog track. I am absolutely floored, it's 11am and they just opened. I'm walking around and admiring the place like it's the Lourve. Boarding has started, to be continued (probably tonight)..........
__________________
Felix Unger talking to Oscar Madison: "Your horse could finish third by 20 lengths and they still pay you? And you have been losing money for all these years?!"
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#4
02-25-2012, 08:28 AM
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#6
02-25-2012, 11:29 AM
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Continued
I have a few minutes here while there's a lull in the homecoming celebration
 .So after the intial excitment/aura of the dog track wore off (after about 3 minutes), it came to my realization that the place was a gigantic s.hithole. It made Freehold raceway look like Keenland. They were still about 90 minutes away from racing there and I only saw a handful of people, but realistically I couldn't hang around until the races started as I had to be in Lake Mary by about 1:30. More importantly, I'm not caught up on my teatnus shots and the IHOP breakfast is starting to rumble again. On the way back to I4, I spot a big Mall, I figure that I still had some time to kill, so I go in. They have this really big sports store, so I go in to buy the boys some stuff. What's the first thing I see, yup Jeremy Lin shirts and jerseys all over the place. I about face and walk out. More importantly, It's starting to become clear to me that the IHOP I had for breakfast has officially become a major situation. Thankfully for now, the mall bathroom is top notch. The rest of the day is pretty much a non-event, except for being absolutely exhausted while having to visit customers and take them out to Ruth Chris for dinner (and obviously the IHOP situation). My luck of nice bathrooms does extend with my customer's office building and the Ruth Chris steakhouse. I have no appetite as I dine and actually feel nauseous at times, but fight though. I do catch a break as my stomach cooperates on the 90 minute drive to Tampa (I guess not falling asleep on the drive is a break too). But when I finally reach my hotel room, I absolutely destroy that bitch. Then exhaustion (and probable dehydration) set in as I crash. Next up Tampa day 1 To be continued........................................
__________________
Felix Unger talking to Oscar Madison: "Your horse could finish third by 20 lengths and they still pay you? And you have been losing money for all these years?!"
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#7
02-25-2012, 07:32 PM
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A big thank you to all DTers and non Dters all across North America, from Woodbine to Hastings Park, to Fulla Sheets and Exacta Bob, to GPK and Bigsmc, and everyone in between. Turf was firm, track was fast, and the golf bar was set at 100 strokes.
Too much fun, didn't want it to end.
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#9
02-25-2012, 09:32 PM
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Wednesday
Wake up excited and fairly rested, unfortunately my behind continues to spew. Still have no appetite, but decide to get a cup of coffee. Go back to the room and spew some more. Finally at about 12:05, Bigs white pick-up rolls up and we're off to the track. Tampa's really the only thing running so expecting a fairly light day. We get to the track and start to cap, waiting for GPK and BT to show. Hit the first race and things couldn't be better. Bigs has us hooked up in his box. It's in the front row about 20 yards past the wire, just freakin awesome. Finally GPK and BT show up and my greatest fear is eased, I'm taller than GPK (It's really not close). I'm actually getting a little hungry now and I've heard so much about the famous Tampa Cuban sandwiches, so I decide to jump in. It's pretty good, but it had Salami on it. Since when do Cubans eat F'n salami? Regardless things are good and I'm feeling better. Until later when out of nowhere, I'm forced to check out the plumbing facilities at Tampa Bay Downs. Thankfully there were adequate. Come back just in time to get out on the last race. After a few 2 for 1's in the Grunder Bar, BT, GPK and myself go back to the hotel to check in.
GPK decides to give us an unplanned tour of the Tampa/St. Pete area on the way back to the hotel. It feels like we drive for an eternity, thankfully my colen cooperates during the journey. We check in, rest and then it's time I give the bathroom a workout for a while, then we decide to go to dinner. Honestly I'm not even hungry. But we go to some steakhouse grill type place, it was actually nice. GPK falls in love with the hostess. I guess she was ok, but the thing that really made his heart pump, was that she was shorter than him. Then he proceeds to order french fries as an appitizer. Who the f.uck has ever heard of something so stupid? French Fries, really? I'm not hungry so I give him a pass. The three of us are enjoying our meal, when out of nowhere some random 70 something year old woman stops at our table and starts to chat us up. She really looks like she just escaped from a mental hospital and just continues to blabber as me and BT just shake our head in amazement. I think GPK is digging her, but she's way to tall for him. Finally the rest of the golden girls at the bar corral their friend and she's out of our hair. It really was a comical scene. We thought about messing with them, but decided it was a play against. We discuss if we should go out at that point, but it's late and we're golfing very early in the morning. We decide to call it a night, but not before having to take BT to get beer. He says he needs it to handicap  .To be continued............
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Felix Unger talking to Oscar Madison: "Your horse could finish third by 20 lengths and they still pay you? And you have been losing money for all these years?!" Last edited by MaTH716 : 02-25-2012 at 10:15 PM.
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#11
02-28-2012, 08:59 AM
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#12
02-28-2012, 09:36 AM
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#13
02-28-2012, 09:52 AM
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Friday-Triple day
The gang was up early again for Friday morning golf which would be followed by Tampa downs and finishing at the famous Derby lane dogtrack. After a quick bite in the hotel kitchen, we head out to meet the rest of the group at the golf course. The golfing groups would be BT, Heels and Herk. Followed by Bigs, GPK, Aunty and myself. As we are waiting, I figure I might as well check out the facilities in the clubhouse. They were top notch, probably the nicest one I have visited since being in Florida (and God knows I have seen too many of them). After buying a $4 dollar Gatorade
, I catch up with the group. From there it probably takes about ten minutes to square away all the golfing bets/side action. The golf nazi (GPK) has action with almost everyone. It's to the point where it takes him about a half hour after the round to figure out where everyone stands. Now as stated before, I frankly suck at golf. I don't play at all so I never practice. I do like playing, but I figure if I have 5 hours to burn (which very rarely happens), I'm going to the track. Now Bigs is better than me (which isn't saying much) and he can hit the ball a country mile, but he struggles mightily at times too. So what's this midget prick do? He makes us play from the blue tees with him. Basically it just makes a tough game almost impossible for me. Then you have Lori, who hits the ball a ton as well. She decides that she's going to use her "vag" (her word not mine) advantage and hit from the ladies tees. They are probably at least 100 yards in front of the blues every hole. But I guess in her little side match with the Golf Nazi, she wasn't getting as many strokes cause of the "vag" advantage. So now she's getting par's and bogeys and bitching and moaning about it. To make matters worse the Golf Nazi is having sissy fits cause he's getting bogeys. Meanwhile my f.uckin hands are now on fire to match my a.sshole, because I must have swung the club about 3000 times between yesterday and today. Everything is starting to hurt and I'm running out of golfballs. I have a 3 hole span where I'm eased and vanned off not finishing the hole. Then I finally hit a decent drive (for me) and it's literally 1 foot outside a red stake (whatever that f.uckin means). So that midget prick says I found your ball and gave you a good lie, but you're hitting three. You would think that since I was on pace to shoot 235 that he would give me a break. I swear to God that I vowed to show up wearing a bomb vest the next time he and the rest of the Keebler elfs have a meeting to discuss a new cookie. But regardless it was a great time, Bigs and I had a ton of laughs riding in the cart together. BT you might not want to read this part. Finally we're on the 18th and I can't wait for the round to end and get to the track. The Golf Nazi is teeing up first. All of a sudden I start elbowing Bigs and point to the tee off markers. He realizes what I have already noticed, we're hitting off from the whites. Bigs and I are giggling like a couple of schoolgirls knowing that if the Golf Nazi realizes where we're hitting from, he will surely make us hit from the jerkoff blues. Not to mention, how could the Golf Nazi make such a silly mistake? Obviously Lori doesn't realize either. So I actually hit a good shot and since we are hitting from the whites, my second shot is actually a makeable 140 from the pin instead of something like being 203 away if I hit from the blues. My second shot lands on the green about 30 feet from the pin. From there I two putt paring the final hole, screwing BT (who parred it from the blues) out of winning the final 7-8 skins that have carried. Chances are I wasn't parring that hole from the blues. Sorry Bri, as a racing fan you should be use to being screwed like this. The wrong bettors paid, tough s.hit. to be continued...........................
__________________
Felix Unger talking to Oscar Madison: "Your horse could finish third by 20 lengths and they still pay you? And you have been losing money for all these years?!"
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#14
02-28-2012, 10:31 AM
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you muthaf****....... those blues were at the absolute tips on #18, we might as well been teeing off from the gd woods we were so far back, and i find out you tee'd off from the whites? WTF, is there no honor in golf either. I'm now doubley salty b/c i made a NATURAL BIRDIE from the tips on #18, net 2 and i pushed with you? -bt-
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#15
02-28-2012, 10:44 AM
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As far as your birdie..................  I'll buy you a cuban next time I see you.............
__________________
Felix Unger talking to Oscar Madison: "Your horse could finish third by 20 lengths and they still pay you? And you have been losing money for all these years?!"
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#16
02-28-2012, 10:51 AM
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#18
02-28-2012, 12:51 PM
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#20
02-28-2012, 02:22 PM
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So the entire group heads down to watch the 9th from the winner's circle. The woman in charge is trying to make time with Bigs. Supposedly, you are only allowed about 4-5 people in the winner's circle. We easily had over 10 people. The woman slightly balked at first, but Bigs charmed the woman to letting everyone in. She gave us some brief instructions as far as what to do and where to stand. Seth and I suggested that they should keep the paramedics close just in case Guidry ended up winning the race.
So we are all on the rail watching the race and I believe that everyone was live in their pick 4's at this point. Grunder keeps doing a job mentioning Edward O'Bey (who would think how far that one beer would go). A 13-1 shot with a 3/56 jock clears from the #10 hole and gets the lead. He goes 46 flat for the half and at this point I'm feeling good about this horse being the last horse off my ticket. All of a sudden I realize that they are heading into the stretch and he still has a 1 1/2 length lead and looks strong. Then at the 1/8 pole I hear GPK yelling come on with this 10, get this 10 home and I honestly think to myself, how fitting. Let GPK get this 10 home (knowing that he's been getting killed all week too) in the race named for his brother. But truthfully, by the time they hit the 1/16 pole, I'm like f.uck that midget prick, get this God damn one (or 4 of the other 5 nags i'm live to in this God forsaking s.hit race where I'm 5 deep) home. It's a blanket finish and Bigs said the 10 got the bob and if there's anyone I'll ever believe in that spot it's Bigs. Guidry once again got there too late closing like a freight train. My pick 4 and I 'm pretty sure everyone else's go up in flames. GPK cashed a win ticket and I believe Rude did too. But Bigs said something about Rude possibly betting every horse in the race. Obviously I'm not happy and Mark Guidry fan #1 Golfer is steaming. Forget about having the paramedics for Guidry they might need the riot police. GPK is absolutely beaming as we line up for the picture. Picture taken and we are all milling around the winner's circle. Next thing I know I see Sheets asking Gonclaves to sign his racing form. I am absolutely mind boggeled as I ask him, what the f.uck are you going to do with that? Before he can answer we notice Exacta Bob chatting to his swim buddy Gonclaves and we all start laughing. Also there is a buzz of the camera girl, she was okay. I'm sure Lori will second that. I did tell Sheets to invite his girl Rosie to derby Lane with us, but he pussed out. The chalk wins the finale and I'm pretty sure all of us go 3/4 on the pick 4 and I'm pretty steamed. But I can honestly say that it was an honor to be in that winner's circle for such a special event with such a great group of people. Apparently we have video proof of the yelling like a schoolgirl...................... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4rmq...ature=youtu.be To be continued........................
__________________
Felix Unger talking to Oscar Madison: "Your horse could finish third by 20 lengths and they still pay you? And you have been losing money for all these years?!"
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