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#1
03-27-2011, 09:09 AM
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A guy goes into the post office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?" He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee." "Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?" "Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour." The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?" The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles." The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day." The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?" "This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls.. No point in you coming in for that."
__________________
Felix Unger talking to Oscar Madison: "Your horse could finish third by 20 lengths and they still pay you? And you have been losing money for all these years?!" 
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#2
05-06-2011, 09:04 AM
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Has anyone ordered the Bin Laden Cocktail ?
Its Two Shots & a splash of water !!! 
__________________
Ole' Timer says to another leaving Keystone Race Track (Philly ) ...""Its a good thing I broke even today, I really needed the money """!!!! Gotta Love Horse Racing !!
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#4
05-21-2011, 02:14 PM
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The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
"We're sorry Mr. Wilkins, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper. "Tell me, please! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted. The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news and some really great nerws. Which do you want to hear first?" Fearing the worse, the ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first." The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay." "Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "Well, what's the good news?" The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good size Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel that you are entitled to a share in the catch." Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded,"If that's the good news, what's the great news?" The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."
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#6
06-02-2011, 02:51 PM
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Facts about The killing of Osama Bin Laden:
1) Fugitive for 19 years. Hunted by Saudi Arabia ,Interpol , Scotland Yard, Mossad, and the CIA. 2) CIA was looking for him for last 14 years. Found him twice and lost him twice. Cost $1.8 Billion 3) CIA had 4 directors over this time period,1997- 2011. All failed to capture Bin Laden. 4) Obama appoints Leon Panetta son of Italian immigrants as new CIA director April 28th, 2011 5) Mr. Panetta calls in a few favors from friends in New York , New Jersey and Chicago on April 29th 2011. 6) They plan a raid over some espresso and cannolis April 30th, 2011. Decide to dress as Navy Seals. 7) Bin Laden is killed (not captured or held for trial) and the body is dumped at sea May 1, 2011. (also known as “swimming with the fishes” in Italian folklore) 8) Job done in less than 100 hours: Reward $25,000,000 9) Estimated savings of not having a trial $200,000,000. 10) Shop Italian Taking care of business since 1603!!
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#7
06-02-2011, 08:43 PM
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Quote:
i may need something like this for my upcoming tour of convalescent homes in italian neighborhoods. what do you charge for a zinger like this?
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