Anybody hear any good jokes lately?

[Princess Doreen]

Junk mail should not be handled - it should be immediately thrown out. I have to keep reminding myself of that.

[clyde]

My pm has been off for a long time.




Don't try to pin that on me,baby.

[clyde]

Hey..Printheth Chlorine.



What is yer muff's name?

[Oaklawnfan]

One day in elementary school a teacher decides to have a quiz of thought provoking questions. She asks her student, little Tommy, the following question:

"If there are three crows sitting on a fence and I give you a rifle with two bullets, how many crows can you shoot?"

Little Tommy thought then answered, "one, because when you shot, the other two would fly away."

The teacher replied, "That's not exactly the answer I was looking for, but I like the way you think."

Then little Tommy said, "Now teacher, may I ask you a question?"

"Sure," said the teacher.

"Three women are sitting on the park bench with ice cream cones. The first women is eating her ice cream cone. The second is licking her ice cream cone and the third is sucking on her ice cream cone. Which one is married?" little Tommy asked.

The teacher replied, "I suppose it's the one sucking on her ice cream cone."

Tommy said, "NO IT'S THE ONE WITH THE WEDDING RING, BUT I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK!"

[clyde]

Anyone heard any good jokes lately?

[Arletta]

Originally Posted by clyde

Anyone heard any good jokes lately?

An old man on a Moped pulls up to a stop light next to a doctor in a sleek, shiny car.

"What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?" the old man asks?

The doctor replies, "It's a Ferrari--it cost half a million dollars!"

"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"

"Because it can do up to 220 miles an hour!" the doctor states proudly.

The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"

"No problem," replies the doctor. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right...but I'll stick with my Moped!"

Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the speedometer reads 150 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and then -- WHOOOOSSSHHH! -- something whips by him going much faster!

"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the doctor asks himself. He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 180 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped! Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 200 mph, and he's feeling pretty good -- that is, until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!
Astounded by the speed of this old guy, the doctor floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 220 mph. Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing more the doctor can do!

Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end. The doctor slams on the brakes and jumps out. Unbelievably, the old man is still alive.

The doctors runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, "I'm a doctor...is there anything I can do for you ?" Out of breath and pale as a ghost, the old man whispers, "Could you please unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror?"

[MaTH716]

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=5809694

[clyde]

Originally Posted by Arletta

An old man on a Moped pulls up to a stop light next to a doctor in a sleek, shiny car.

"What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?" the old man asks?

The doctor replies, "It's a Ferrari--it cost half a million dollars!"

"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"

"Because it can do up to 220 miles an hour!" the doctor states proudly.

The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"

"No problem," replies the doctor. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right...but I'll stick with my Moped!"

Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the speedometer reads 150 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and then -- WHOOOOSSSHHH! -- something whips by him going much faster!

"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the doctor asks himself. He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 180 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped! Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 200 mph, and he's feeling pretty good -- that is, until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!
Astounded by the speed of this old guy, the doctor floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 220 mph. Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing more the doctor can do!

Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end. The doctor slams on the brakes and jumps out. Unbelievably, the old man is still alive.

The doctors runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, "I'm a doctor...is there anything I can do for you ?" Out of breath and pale as a ghost, the old man whispers, "Could you please unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror?"

Oh that was a good one !!