Anybody hear any good jokes lately?

[Crown@club]

Originally Posted by bigrun

07-15-2015, 03:41 PM #691


Your Bullshitten Me‏



Bullshitten:
A young man with his pants hanging half off his ass, two gold front teeth &
a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare
office to pick up his check.
He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing
welfare. I'd really rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the
System, getting something for nothing."
The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We
just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur
and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in
his 2012 Mercedes-Benz CL & he will supply all of your clothes."
"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected
to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather
awkward but you will also have to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter
is in her 20's and has a strong sex drive.
The guy, wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me???"



The social worker said, "Yeah, well . . . you started it."

The joke was so good, you had to say it twice?

[casp0555]

http://www.derbytrail.com/forums/showthread.php?t=60658

[bigrun]

[bigrun]

[mclem0822]

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38 (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.) The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you." "Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an ax and two 38's!"

[casp0555]

New United Flight Attendant...

17523312_10210704511520290_6155496355573221799_n.jpg

[mclem0822]

One Saturday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so The pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning Johnny." "Good morning pastor Ron," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor, what is this?" Johnny asked. "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service." Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Johnny's voice was barely audible when he asked, "Which one, the Wednesday night or Sunday morning service?