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#1
11-13-2006, 01:45 PM
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Quotes from Dubbya
These are actual quotes from the Flubber-in-Chief, George W. Bush: 10) "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." --LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000 9) "Let me put it to you bluntly. In a changing world, we want more people to have control over your own life." --Annandale, Va, Aug. 9, 2004 8) "I've reminded the prime minister -- the American people, Mr. Prime Minister, over the past months that it was not always a given that the United States and America would have a close relationship." --Washington, D.C., June 29, 2006 7) "The truth of that matter is, if you listen carefully, Saddam would still be in power if he were the president of the United States, and the world would be a lot better off." --Second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004 6) "See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda." --Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005 5) "They misunderestimated me." --Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000 4) "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" --Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000 3) "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." --Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004 2) "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." --Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004 1) "There ought to be limits to freedom." Response at press conference. 
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#2
11-13-2006, 01:58 PM
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Quote:
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#3
11-13-2006, 06:48 PM
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Quote:
No doubt these were found on www.commondreams.org (also known as http://www.dontthinkforyourselfbelie...readhere.org:D
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#4
12-06-2006, 09:57 AM
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A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled You Can Be the Man of Your House.
He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is law! You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. After that, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then you will massage my feet and hands. Then after that's done, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?" The wife replied, "The ****in' funeral director would be my guess." Hee hee...
__________________
"Until one has loved an animal, part of their soul remains unawaken. 
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#5
12-07-2006, 11:09 AM
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True Love
A man was walking across the road when he was struck by a car. The impact was on his head which caused him to be comatose for two days before he finally regained consciousness. When he opened his eyes, his wife was there beside him. He held her hand and said meaningfully: "You have always been beside me. When I was a struggling university student, I failed again and again. You were always there beside me, encouraging me to go on trying". She squeezed his hands as he continued. "When I went for all the major interviews and failed to clinch any of the jobs, you were there beside me, cutting out more ads for me to apply..." He continued, "Then I started work at this little firm and finally got to handle a big contract. I blew it because of one little mistake. And you were there beside me. Then I finally got another job after being laid off for some time. But I never seem to be promoted and my hard work was not recognized. As such, I remained in the same position from the day I joined the company till now. And you were there beside me". Her eyes brimmed with tears as she listened to her husband. "And now I had an accident and when I woke up, you were here beside me........There's something I'd really like to say to you..." She flung herself on the bed to hug her husband, sobbing with emotion. He said..., " I think you really bring me bad luck.."
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#6
12-07-2006, 12:32 PM
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RIP Grampa
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had passed away, Jenny rushed to her grandmother's side. When she asked the particulars of her grandfather's death, her grandmother explained, "He had a heart attack during sex on Sunday morning." Horrified, Jenny suggested sex at age 94 was surely asking for trouble. "Oh, no," her grandmother replied. "We had sex every Sunday morning, in time with the church bells - in with the dings and out with the dongs." She paused and wiped away a tear. "If it hadn't been for that ice cream truck going past, he'd still be alive."
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#7
02-02-2007, 06:18 AM
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Sister Mary is conducting her class and she poses this question.Who can tell me who was the most important person in history? For that the person with the right answer will get a perfect grade for the class.From the back of the room Leroy raises his hand and says Michael Jordan.Sister Mary replies i'm sorry but that's not the right answer.Then William raises his hand and he replies P. Diddy.Sister Mary tells him i'm sorry but that's not correct William.From the back of the room Abraham raises his hand and says Jesus Christ.Sister Mary with great jubilation says you're correct and now have a perfrect grade for the class.As class ends and the children leave Sister Mary asks Abraham to come over to her desk and says to him,You're the only jewish boy in this class but yet you knew the right answer.Abraham thanks her and informs sister Mary, everyone knows Moses was the most important person in history,but lets face it businesss is business.
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#8
02-02-2007, 12:08 PM
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Warding off illness and diseases.
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and He could no longer resist. " Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl. "Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter?
__________________
 Seek respect, not attention.
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#9
02-05-2007, 10:12 AM
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This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder >about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been >to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about >achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions: If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26. Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% and K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% But , A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% And, B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103% AND, look how far ass kissing will take you. A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118% So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's theBullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.
__________________
Seek respect, not attention.
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#10
02-13-2007, 10:01 AM
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Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls
for the Kentucky market: "Lexington Barbie " This princess Barbie is sold only at Fayette Mall. She comes with an assortment of Coach Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version. " Owensboro Barbie" The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. " Bulitt County Barbie" >This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a hunting knife,a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) ..unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about. "Louisville (east end) Barbie" This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them. " Muhlenburg County Barbie" This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. " Covington Barbie" This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as warehouse conversion condo. " Ohio County Barbie" This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Lexington Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home. " Bowling Green Barbie" This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow . She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Vanderbilt Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free. " Casey County Barbie" This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and WIC vouchers. Nascar Ken, Jr and his 1982 Monte Carlo where available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant. " Laurel County Barbie" She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's always out with the boys drinking. Includes lifetime supply of Hairspray. Optional >accessories include Bedazzled sweater and matching belt. " Love's Truck Stop Barbie/Ken" This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.
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#11
02-13-2007, 10:16 AM
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that's funny...cause you can get some very similar Vermont limited edition barbies
 >Limited Edition Vermont Barbie > > >Mattel recently announced the release of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls >for the Vermont Market: > >Williston Barbie >This princess Barbie is only sold at exclusive Williston stores. She >comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a >long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie cutter house. Available >with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in >conjunction with "augmented" version. > >South Burlington Barbie >This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan >and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time >occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold >separately. > >Old North End Barbie >This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis >knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows and a Meth Lab Kit. This model >is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash. >Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don't >know what you are talking about. > >Essex / Shelburne Barbie >This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer >h3. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club >membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private >School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them. > >Milton Barbie >This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too >small, a NASCAR shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a >six pack of Coors light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit >over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she's drunk. Purchase >her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker >absolutely free. > >Stowe Barbie >This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard print ski >outfit and drinks Cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at the lodge. >Optional Percocet prescription available. > >Barton Barbie >This tobacco chewing, brassy haired Barbie has a pair of her own >high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased >Beer-Gutted Ken out of Hardwick Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes >low rise acid washed jeans, fake finger nails, and a see through halter >top. Also available with a mobile home and 8-track tape player. > >Montpelier Barbie >This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, >arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white >socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow". She does not want or need >a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Montpelier Barbies and the optional >Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free. > >Richmond Barbie >This Barbie comes with her own mountain bike. Available with SUV, >complete with Kayak on the roof and dog in the back. Optional Ken doll >also comes with his own mountain bike and dog. > >Barre Barbie >This Barbie is only 14 and comes with a stroller and infant doll. >Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 >Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the >addition of the infant.
__________________
Seek respect, not attention.
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#12
03-08-2007, 03:52 PM
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Never question a drunk....
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected >>A half-gallon of 2% milk, >>A carton of eggs, >>A quart of orange juice, >>A head of romaine lettuce, >>A 2 lb. bag of coffee, >>And 1 lb. package of bacon. >> >>As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a >>drunk >>standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the >>cashier. >>While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly >>stated, >>"You must be single." >> >>The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was >>intrigued by >>the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked >>at her six >>items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her >>selections >>that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. >> >>Curiosity getting the better of her, she said: "Well, you know >>what, you're >>absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?" >> >>The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."
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Hybrid Mode
