Anybody hear any good jokes lately?

[bigrun]

Oldie but goodie..


Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.

The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they

sent for his two best deer hunting friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three

men had always hunted and fished together and were long time members of

a hunting camp.


Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter

said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.'

The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, 'Nope, ain't Stanley .'

The mortician thought this was rather strange,

So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body.

Gomer looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up,
Roll him over.

The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, 'No, it ain't Stanley .'

The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'

Gomer said, 'Well, Stanley had two ass-holes.'

'What! He had two ass-holes?' asked the mortician.

'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say:

'There's Stanley with them two ass-holes.'

[GenuineRisk]

One for the nerds:

Heisenberg and Schrodinger are in a car, Heisenberg in the driver's seat, when they are pulled over by a traffic cop. The officer asks, "do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies, "No, but I know exactly where I am!" The officer says "you were going 90 miles per hour!" Heisenberg throws up his hands and cries, "Great! Now I'm lost!" The officer orders the men outside of the car, and proceeds to inspect the vehicle. He opens the trunk and says to them, "Hey! Did you guys know you have a dead cat back here?" Schrodinger throws up his hands and says, "Well, NOW we do!"

[GenuineRisk]

Why is it so hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

Because they always take things literally.

[herkhorse]

Pavlov is enjoying a pint in the pub. The phone rings. He jumps up and shouts: “Hell, I forgot to feed the dog!”

[bigrun]

This Tim Conway and Carol Burnett skit never aired. WONDER WHY?


http://www.youtube.com/embed/sJIh70IZua8?rel=0

[casp0555]

Originally Posted by bigrun

This Tim Conway and Carol Burnett skit never aired. WONDER WHY?


http://www.youtube.com/embed/sJIh70IZua8?rel=0

Tim Conway.....one of my all time favs

[bigrun]

Originally Posted by casp0555

Tim Conway.....one of my all time favs

Yes, at the top of the list...

How bout his jockey skit with Carson..


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhO7dMEthK4


And the hall of fame classic the dentist...Harvey Korman cracks up..

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=...=0&FORM=NVPFVR