The Cleveland Sporty Page

[clyde]

yay

[horseofcourse]

that's Tomlin's bugaboo...the long one. Gives up a ton of homers. Scherzer was great last night. Their number 2 destroyed us. Not a good beginning. Hey slot dirt, the blues couldn't have been worse than that perfect game robbery last year (or was it just a no-hitter, can't remember)!!! Quit complaining, they got the three home run calls right! (and call me crazy, but I have to think a shaky call or two has gone the Tigers way against the Tribe in the last 100 plus years!)

[horseofcourse]

incredibly, the lions 3rd and 4th stringers are way, way better than the Brownies ones. The colt continues to play well in fake football games.

[horseofcourse]

classic stuff here!!

Chicago White Sox


Can’t talk about the Chicago White Sox without expressing a pure, unadulterated hatred for Ozzie Guillen. Not much elaboration needs to be made here because I’m pretty sure Ozzie’s middle name is an orifice that ends in –hole, but I can say with complete conviction that his choking gesture during the final week of the 2005 season sealed the deal.

The term “Indian killer” doesn’t just apply to white settlers during the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, it applies to everybody who has ever worn a White Sox uniform. Lately, public enemy number one seems to be Carlos Quentin. Then, of course, there’s Paul Konerko who seems to have a 1.500 OPS against the Indians and Adam Dunn, who can’t hit an elephant with a golf ball but can hit Indians pitching like a Hall of Famer.

I can’t believe I went two paragraphs without mentioning uber-douche AJ Pierzynski. Usually the runaway winner of the biggest jerk in baseball award, his bleach blonde hair makes me want to shave his head with a machete. The way he slams his bat down every time he hits a ground ball as if he’s supposed to be a .370 hitter screams of pretentious arrogance that only a mother could love. A motherf’er like Ozzie Guillen, that is.

Also, I can’t say I have ever been to Comiskey, er, US Cellular Field, but I’ve been told that there are safer neighborhoods in Mogadishu than where US Cellular has been constructed. A garbage ballpark in a garbage neighborhood with a bunch of grimy Windy City residents, probably half of them armed and three-fourths of them too wide to fit through a standard doorway, I’m in no hurry to ever see it.

Oh, yeah, and then there’s Hawk Harrelson. If there was an award for most intolerable sports broadcaster, this clown would even beat Joe Buck. That’s saying something. It really is. If Hawk Harrelson’s vocal cords were to spontaneously combust, there would be dancing in the streets in Athens, Greece. They wouldn’t even know who he is; they would just subconsciously know they should celebrate.

Detroit Tigers


Ah, where to begin with these mouth breathers. I’ll guess I’ll begin with Jim Leyland, who is pretty lucky to be breathing at all. At some point, 75 years of smoking Pall Malls will catch up with Smokey Anderson, but it hasn’t happened yet. Nothing really against his persona or his managing style, I guess, I just wish he’d shave off that grey flavor savor and retire to a smoker’s colony in South Florida. Then again, maybe the secondhand smoke will begin taking its toll on his players.

Then, there’s the fact that a vast percentage of their fan base is made up of Michigan fans. Again, very little explanation needs to be done here because everything from Michigan is inherently loathesome including the maize and blue. Unfortunately, in the War of 1812, the United States actually battled for the port city of Detroit. Now that the automobile industry is on life support, and the multi-building monstrosity of Government Motors looms over the city, I’d be fine with giving it to Canada. There’s a reason I stay and play at Caesars Windsor in Ontario rather than stay in Detroit, and it’s not the pretty colored Monopoly money or a burning desire to hear “aboot” and “eh”.

Factor in the overall arrogance of their players, capped off by Carlos Guillen showing up Jered Weaver a couple weeks back. Then there’s Miguel Cabrera’s smirk any time he does anything – fields a routine grounder, hits a single to CF, brushes his teeth in the morning, etc. Then there’s Jhonny Peralta with his chinstrap beard and fat face, showing that same apathetic expression that inexplicably turned him from a .270 hitter to a .320 hitter. Add in Jose Valverde who uses every converted save as his “Asshole NFL Wide Receiver Touchdown Dance” Audition Tape.

Beating them just seems satisfying no matter the circumstances. When we’re 20 games out in September or in MLB The Show. Whether they’re 25 games out or in Spring Training. It’s just enjoyable.

[clyde]

Not bad, but your verse is better.Who did that?



Out current budding super pitcher star goes tonight.

And we didn'un have to give up the farm for him.

Bet he shuts down Detroit.

[horseofcourse]

Originally Posted by clyde

Not bad, but your verse is better.Who did that?



Out current budding super pitcher star goes tonight.

And we didn'un have to give up the farm for him.

Bet he shuts down Detroit.

Some guy on a cleveland fan web site, don't know his name...I could look it up. I pull a lot of stuff from that site, they are much better than the professional Cleveland sports media despite not being professionals although a couple guys who write there might be. clevelandfan.com or something. I wanted 3-3 this road trip and If Huff doesn't do it, don't worry, we got the great O Bald O going Sunday! He never loses. (theclevelandfan.com this one was by Adam Burke)

[clyde]

Was a little too "cool" for me.



Anyhoo----good stuff.

I''m thinking Colorado is stifling many guffaws.