Why Get Married?

[GenuineRisk]

Originally Posted by GPK

1 time....1 damn time

[Danzig]

they said about a month ago that a study showed that married men get 'lucky' far more often then single men--that the idea that singles go out and hook up constantly is untrue.
as for the commitment--too many people settle. then when they get sick of their partners quirks, they bail-or women marry men who are no good, and vice versa. again, they realize they got what they knew all along they were getting-and he/she won't change. then there are the unhappy people who think it's up to their spouse to make them so. mix in someone who thinks you HAVE to have somone to be happy-and bam, multiple marriage and divorce.

you have to find the right person for you. not the sort of right person, or the almost right, or she'd be ok if this happened person. just think, if they have things that bug you when you're dating--how the heck are you not going to be bugged by it when you're living together??

as for living together being the same-i disagree completely. that isn't a commitment. i don't think you should get married only to have kids-but if you are going to have kids, then you absolutely should be married. kids are best off being raised by two parents in a committed relationship.

and i don't think it's hard work like some say-it might be hard sometimes to bite your tongue when you want to say something rotten. just treat your husband like a king, he'll kill himself treating you like a queen!

[SentToStud]

There is no secret. And there is no right or wrong way to live your life.

You make choices, things happen -- seen and unforseen -- and you deal with it. Sometimes the things that happen are wonderful and life is great. Many times, bad things happen and you work it through. Sometimes it takes years. But those are the times that in great part define you and I believe make life worth living.

I know people who are married and have some messed up children. I also know many single parents who have great kids. I think the notion of the traditional nuclear family being a prerequisite to having good children is nonsense.

We married young and had our children young. We got lucky and it all worked out. But then again we never traveled as a couple, one of us always worked on a weekend day to make ends meet for five years and our kids were teenagers before they realized that not all family vacations were spent in a tent.

You make your choices and you live your life. No one has a crystal ball.

[Danzig]

Originally Posted by SentToStud

There is no secret. And there is no right or wrong way to live your life.

You make choices, things happen -- seen and unforseen -- and you deal with it. Sometimes the things that happen are wonderful and life is great. Many times, bad things happen and you work it through. Sometimes it takes years. But those are the times that in great part define you and I believe make life worth living.

I know people who are married and have some messed up children. I also know many single parents who have great kids. I think the notion of the traditional nuclear family being a prerequisite to having good children is nonsense.

We married young and had our children young. We got lucky and it all worked out. But then again we never traveled as a couple, one of us always worked on a weekend day to make ends meet for five years and our kids were teenagers before they realized that not all family vacations were spent in a tent.

You make your choices and you live your life. No one has a crystal ball.

yeah, there are single people that have good kids, and married that don't. having both parents isn't always a good thing (just ask my husband!) but i think in most cases, if both parents can be involved in a good way, that's the best thing.

tony and i also married young, had our kids young, and we both know we're lucky as hell. but then, a lot of people think you make your own luck....we also worked around the kids when they were young so that they never went to daycare.

but i think more than anything, people need to just grow up and take responsibility-no matter what the issues are, and we all have them, or had them in the past, you have to make the most of things-not just make excuses.

[GenuineRisk]

Originally Posted by Danzig188

they said about a month ago that a study showed that married men get 'lucky' far more often then single men--that the idea that singles go out and hook up constantly is untrue.
as for the commitment--too many people settle. then when they get sick of their partners quirks, they bail-or women marry men who are no good, and vice versa. again, they realize they got what they knew all along they were getting-and he/she won't change. then there are the unhappy people who think it's up to their spouse to make them so. mix in someone who thinks you HAVE to have somone to be happy-and bam, multiple marriage and divorce.

you have to find the right person for you. not the sort of right person, or the almost right, or she'd be ok if this happened person. just think, if they have things that bug you when you're dating--how the heck are you not going to be bugged by it when you're living together??

as for living together being the same-i disagree completely. that isn't a commitment. i don't think you should get married only to have kids-but if you are going to have kids, then you absolutely should be married. kids are best off being raised by two parents in a committed relationship.

and i don't think it's hard work like some say-it might be hard sometimes to bite your tongue when you want to say something rotten. just treat your husband like a king, he'll kill himself treating you like a queen!

I think the biggest thing you hit on here was people who expect their spouses to make them happy. Not the spouse's job; it's the individual's job.

BUT- I think there's also a danger in being too exacting in what you expect. Maybe there are some people out there who like every single thing their partners do, but most people I know (myself included) can list things their partners do that annoy them. But I don't know that any of these people (myself included) would change those things about their partners, either. I figure, you take the whole package, and the things that can get under your skin are often the things that help shape the things you like. To some extent, we all do settle, because no one is ever exactly everything you want- I don't think that could ever be found in a single person. Which is good- perfect is boring. But a lot of people can be everything one needs.

I don't believe in soul mates- I think there are any number of people who are "right" for each other, just each in a different way. And I think a lot has to do with timing- two dear friends are getting married now whom I think would not be had they started dating a year earlier- they met when they were both ready to be done dating.

AND- I think a lot of people really don't understand that the butterfly obsessive happy lust feeling doesn't last, and that it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the relationship. I have a friend with a lovely husband and baby who panicked because she developed a crush on a coworker. I had to tell her to stop freaking; she was married, not dead, and it's normal to get crushes. And that it would wear off. And it did, with no harm done.

I think the living together/not living together thing varies- I'm a fan of it, because, while we had a lovely, lovely wedding, afterwards, when people asked me if I felt different being married, I honestly said, "No."

What's the old saying? " Women marry men, hoping to change them. Men marry women, hoping they will never change. Both are inevitably disappointed."

That said, I like being married. It's really the original "friends with benefits," when you think about it.

[TheSpyder]

The Grass is always Greener on the otherside but sometimes you find out it's astroturf.

Married 24 years, Lots of ups, lots of downs. She's a crazy red head and it's been the best pain in the ass I've ever had and would not trade it for the world.

[kenny p]

May will be 25 yrs. Some losin streaks but overall I am way ahead.

[randallscott35]

The 25yr group was kind of in a sweeter spot with regard to marriage....The last 15 years has seen much more carnage in the marriage market. Its easy to stay together when you've reached 20 yrs. Where else are you going to go? But the newer group seems unlikely to make it to the long ones. Just 2 months ago was that article that for the first time in U.S. history there are more single women than married women. Tells you all you need to know.

[GPK]

Originally Posted by randallscott35

The 25yr group was kind of in a sweeter spot with regard to marriage....The last 15 years has seen much more carnage in the marriage market. Its easy to stay together when you've reached 20 yrs. Where else are you going to go? But the newer group seems unlikely to make it to the long ones. Just 2 months ago was that article that for the first time in U.S. history there are more single women than married women. Tells you all you need to know.

Nobody fights for marraiges to last anymore Rand. Divorce is viewed as the easy way out.

[Danzig]

Originally Posted by randallscott35

The 25yr group was kind of in a sweeter spot with regard to marriage....The last 15 years has seen much more carnage in the marriage market. Its easy to stay together when you've reached 20 yrs. Where else are you going to go? But the newer group seems unlikely to make it to the long ones. Just 2 months ago was that article that for the first time in U.S. history there are more single women than married women. Tells you all you need to know.

LOL!! you romantic devil you!

as for that study, i think they counted widows as being single. oh yeah, like those ladies all CHOSE to be single! (well, the ones in jail did!!)

[Cajungator26]

Originally Posted by randallscott35

The 25yr group was kind of in a sweeter spot with regard to marriage....The last 15 years has seen much more carnage in the marriage market. Its easy to stay together when you've reached 20 yrs. Where else are you going to go? But the newer group seems unlikely to make it to the long ones. Just 2 months ago was that article that for the first time in U.S. history there are more single women than married women. Tells you all you need to know.

Tell that to my parents... they were married 25 years when they got divorced in 1998.

[packerbacker7964]

Alright here's packerbacker's thoughts on being married. It's never a 50/50 kind of thing. Someone will always be giving more than the other. When you can remember more bad times than good times it's time to leave.We make love sometimes and other times it's naughty to the point you can't look at each other the next mourning.ha ha My wife is my best friend plain and simple. We love doing everything together shopping, NASCAR, bowling, softball etc etc. When shes out with her girlfriends I can't sleep until she's in bed with me. I buy her gifts and she pampers me. I can't remember what life was like before her even till this day. I know lot's of you will say I'm whipped and I'll reply dam right. I know one thing for sure she'll be with me thru it all day after day. That's somethign that's hard to find these days.

[GPK]

Originally Posted by packerbacker7964

Alright here's packerbacker's thoughts on being married. It's never a 50/50 kind of thing. Someone will always be giving more than the other. When you can remember more bad times than good times it's time to leave.We make love sometimes and other times it's naughty to the point you can't look at each other the next mourning.ha ha My wife is my best friend plain and simple. We love doing everything together shopping, NASCAR, bowling, softball etc etc. When shes out with her girlfriends I can't sleep until she's in bed with me. I buy her gifts and she pampers me. I can't remember what life was like before her even till this day. I know lot's of you will say I'm whipped and I'll reply dam right. I know one thing for sure she'll be with me thru it all day after day. That's somethign that's hard to find these days.

Lucky f*cker.....count your blessings.

[Cajungator26]

Originally Posted by packerbacker7964

Alright here's packerbacker's thoughts on being married. It's never a 50/50 kind of thing. Someone will always be giving more than the other. When you can remember more bad times than good times it's time to leave.We make love sometimes and other times it's naughty to the point you can't look at each other the next mourning.ha ha My wife is my best friend plain and simple. We love doing everything together shopping, NASCAR, bowling, softball etc etc. When shes out with her girlfriends I can't sleep until she's in bed with me. I buy her gifts and she pampers me. I can't remember what life was like before her even till this day. I know lot's of you will say I'm whipped and I'll reply dam right. I know one thing for sure she'll be with me thru it all day after day. That's somethign that's hard to find these days.

This is seriously one of the sweetest posts I've ever read. Thanks for sharing a positive story...