Anybody hear any good jokes lately?

[bigrun]

Now this here is funny



http://www.maniacworld.com/flv/Hilla...Concussion.mp4

[Arletta]

Wife starts picking on her husband at the State Fair

http://news.quickmeme.com/news/?p=6207

[Arletta]

A blonde describing her recent window replacement with a friend.

Last year, I replaced, like, all the windows in my house with those
expensive, double-pane,energy-efficient kind.
Today, I, like, got a call from the contractor who installed them.
He complained that the work had been completed a year ago. and I still
hadn't, like, paid for them. OMG! Hellooo... Just because I'm blonde doesn't
mean that I'm, like, automatically stupid.
So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year --
that these windows would, like, pay for themselves in a year.
Hellooo? It's been a year, so they're, like, paid for, I told him.
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung up.
He never called back.
I bet he felt like an idiot.

[bigrun]

I don't care who you are this here stuff is funny..check them all..


http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report



Kim Jong-un Feels Snubbed by Absence of Letter from Republicans
BY ANDY BOROWITZ



Congress’s Approval Rating No Longer Detectable by Current Technology



Hillary Releases Twenty Thousand Spam E-Mails from Old Navy

[Arletta]

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a ...case of Miller Lite and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans', he replies. 'Put them back, it's a waste of money', demands the wife, and so he does and they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along, the woman picks up a $20 jar of ...face cream and puts it in the basket.

What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband... "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Miller Lite and it's half the price....'

HUSBAND DOWN, AISLE 7 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[casp0555]

Ive heard several variations......

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQxvHKThXcU

[bigrun]

Husband went to the sheriff's department to report that his wife was missing…

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home...

Sergeant: What is her height?

Husband: Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant: Weight?

Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant: Color of eyes?

Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

Sergeant: Color of hair?

Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.

Sergeant: What was she wearing?

Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.

Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?

Husband: She went in my truck.

Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?

Husband: A 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with Eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission and climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, which has a matching aftermarket bed liner. Custom leather 6-way seats and "Bubba" floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch and special wiring hook-ups. DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio receiver, 23-channel CB radio, six cup holders, a USB port, and four power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. It has custom running boards and indirect wheel well lighting. At this point the husband started choking up.

Sergeant: Don't worry buddy. We'll find your truck.