If I had jumped off Horatio Nelson cause he didn't feel right, been ordered to get back on and ride him, and felt him beneath me as he took that final step... if I had seen his eyes when they were opened for that last possible second, if I had seen him exhale for the very last time?
I'd use too.
If i had been the one to walk away from Gypsy King as he lay dying on the track, and so many others, so many others?
I'd use too.
If I'd been the one to pick myself up from a life of hardship, from a childhood filled with out, if i had struggled with weight and pain, booze and personal failures, accusations and headlines, divorce and more headlines?
I'd use too.
Do you know what it's like..... being in court, having to sit stone-faced while others tell lies, not being able to cry or scream or fall apart, accusation that were untrue and unfair... how would that feel?
I know firsthand from last week that having parts of your life left to the mercy of a stranger in a black robe, being lied about, being outraged and feeling like you're dying inside while you sit there praying you can hold it together... it's hard. It's almost impossible sitting there sick and disgusted and sad and furious and wishing for the truth insead of the new so-called-reality of lies that are being presented.
I'm a fan, I'm not objective, I know he used, I know he drinks, but i can't turn my back and even if it's something as ridiculous as posts on the net, I'll always support this man no matter what self-destructive acts of stupidity he commits. He is his own victim and that's so terribly sad..... he breaks my heart in two but both parts of it still go out to him. They always will.
I'm not saying he should be allowed to stay with AOB or not, he should ride or call it a career, he should or shouldn't have done what he did. Again.
All I'm saying here is we all need love, don't we? We all need NOT to be abandoned. We all need to remember that maybe, maybe someday life will balance out and we'll be happy again. We all need people not to turn their backs.
He didn't hurt anyone.
So don't fault me for my support or, if you must, understand that I'm talking about the man and not the jockey. I'm talking about a person who is troubled yet brilliant, not perfect just like any of us, who has made mistakes just like any of us and who is under tremendous pressure that is his own personal torment just like we all endure privately and at some point in our lives.
Forgiveness. Peace. A bright light ahead...
Days where pain is replaced by joy.
That's my wish for him.
Whatever his own happiness is, I hope he finds it.
God bless Kieren Fallon.
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