"Autopsy room doctors" can be bought.;)


You WILL be here for the next edition of the ClydeVivor contest series:
The Eddie Haskell-Jim Pansey-Travesty Triple.


If we played by S. Coburn's rules-a horse would have to run in all 3 races. However there is a chance not all the horses would make it from Long Island to Monmouth in time (traffic issues on the highway) and because I dislike Mr. Coburn's poor sportsmanship, my rules will apply. :D

P.S. Hansen is not eligible Clyde. He's no longer 3.

:tro: :tro:

This one is for Clyde (I know you're watching!)

Tap....Tap....TAPITURE!!!

There will be repercussions for this nincompoopence.

DebbieKins....would you tell SnottyPoo that I do not read NerdyTrail anymore and that she is now no.1 on my Hunt&Kill list.

= I ran across this in the NATIONAL SOCIETY OF GREAT POIM WRITERS.It is the not all that long lost last poim by -ALAN-:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41n3mwCcZQ4

if you pledged allegiance to the flag
and met a streetcar named desire
would you run yourself for a very small tag
and set you bra on fire?

if you ran with the bulls and danced with fate
and tossed you cares away
would you head for the hills,having romanced your date
and manage your affairs today?

if you talked to a zebra who knew an amoeba
and you thought it so untrue
would you say "eureka!,i know an akita!"
and then slam down a glass of moo?

if you loved a horsey who was no big dea
l and gave candy to someone you did not know
would you also love tommy the trained seal
and then bet on yourself to show?

if you sucked on a big sucker,an immense alltheday
and sought your fortune and fame
would you forget all about intenseholiday
and stop recalling his name?

if you made it through life while avoiding crime
and tried to do right at the zoo
would you reconcile you were short on time
and referenced a story of the blues?

if all you wanted was a little more
and talked to the unknown soldier
would you see he could not grow older
and you had become such bore?

if you really liked onefourdave as well as hershey bars
and rolled with the punches and walked your own way
would you ask for onemorefave as well as the way to the stars
and ruin your life by the grant of a stay?


but a dream goes on forever


the not all that long lost last poim by -ALAN-....from Flakes of Snow

:wf

Hey sistah... someone asked me to post this for you:

At the rifle range, in the Marines....the white flag you wave ;that was called Maggies Drawers.It signified a complete miss of the target.The repercussions of this signal, were VERY bad!

But I understand what you mean.

You are now off the list.

Do not abuse CLYDEFORM!! and you will stay off the list.

It was not an abuse of CLYDEFORM, but a suggestion to the millions of subscribers that Sighty Off is just about the best angle one can find in CLYDEFORM! :D

Kid Fizzle, Tapiture....the ZCs have spoken.

Oh is this related to what he said cause honestly I don't even bother to read... oh I mean riiiiight well I'm sure he will see your comments and have a response. :D

From Him:

I miss ClydeyPooKins so much.I keep pouring over the big national horsey sites and too my emotional joy------I found a column he wrote! It was in THE FINAL URN:




RATIONALIZING THE IRRATIONAL

by Clyde Coillinwood,Cretaor of CLYDEFORM!!


The race named after Ned and Hydra has produced more kumquatery than YippyDowns ever imagined.Why ,do you think.....this is?

Why have so many triple crown hopefuls since 1978 failed to do so? This has been exposed time and again;any half wit of a horsey handicapper already knows.

So do you.

I know what your thinking.You're thinking ,"Well there he goes again.Taking a column and in two short paragraphs he has rendered it useless.Devoid of any hardscrabble ,newsworthy delights.(Always thought hardscrabble was a tough word game, but oh well)

Well no.

Not true.

Wouldn't you like to know why?

It's because I do admire Stevie Hasbeen.Stevie knows I kid by playing on his name as I do find him eloquent and astute;erudite,agile,adroit,sage-ish....and yer whatnot.He's kind of a romantic in horsey picking word strings.(By the way, I do know about changing "y" to "ie" when pluralizing.I just don't like it.Too girlish most of the time.)

Laugh Out Loud!Sighty is going nuts trying to figure out what I just said in parenthesis.

But to the issue.

Which I forgot.

No! Wait!

I remember now , but it's not about horsey's. I have ambition to go beyond horsey writing, so here goes rationalizing the irrational. If you feel you have been mislead,too bad.


First, what is irrational? It's something that is not rational.So simple. How many of us perform irrational acts every day? Probably everyone.Reacting by strange instinct or from an overpowering emotion. Like when a day has gone bad and a policemen stops you for speeding,and you know you were.....yet you tell him to go **** himself AND the Close Encounters Of A Third Kind police car that he rode in on.This is irrational and makes bad things.....even more badder.

Know what?

You were right.

I don't know where to go with this.

Let's take a break,shall we? Yes.break time and maybe in a few minutes, why ....I'll know what to do.After all, it is ObviouslyTuesday.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bqa1s4jhkQ8



The Debonatah says I cannot pick Hansen in three year old races anymore because he is four.There she goes again displaying that high black boot enforcer personality.Well guess what MS. Longerei? I will still pick him and deal with your dupa later.

"Sighty Off "....holy cow.A new genre of smut has been created.

Perhaps it can hybrid somehow with Brown Sugah's brick brownies and Arlettuce's nikkidie(TM) handicapping.




There I go again.


I really have typed myself into a corner....now have not I? I said to Jeanie this morning,"Baby, ah got the blues hawney----do you have any jelly donuts for Elvis?" She mistook my request as a metaphor.It's hot today and she had on but a halter .....and out they quickly came.

"HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!"....I exclaimed...."I didn't know it was THAT easy!"But now that I know;wait until I tell her about the old Allman Brothers album entitled Eat A Peach.

I would think the above is a perfect example of rationalizing the irrational.Thank my lucky's I found a way out of the mess I had created.

The thing is,your computer could refuse to release from NoAdvantage mode and you would be stuck there with no way out. How long could you take topics like:

What is your favorite vegetable soup word?

Anyone watching your local weather right now?

Is man inherently stupid?

Ever **** a buffalo?

Shouldn't the Okly-homer Thunder be called the Okly-homer Almost Inaudible?

Lefties are ruining this country.

Aw fer **** sakes----I just cut off another finger.I hate when that happens!!!!

Who is baffert!!??

Righties are ruining this country.

Learn Canadian Spaceship repair in the comfort of your home.

If you could smash any part of your body with a hammer-----which part would you choose?

Are'unt you happy you opted out of the straight life? (This one, they have to be kidding me.)




You do see how it could be so much worse? Matterhorn;watch for him.That tip alone will make this all worth while.Anyways!!....I will close(stop that obnoxious applauding!) with a fine stimulation of the inner senses with this doo dah tune:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xi7kzGeOWpw



"I signed off on a strangulation victim as a ruptured aorta on the death certificate."----Dr. Diamond Jim Westmoreland,Coroner of West Granville,MA.

That was special.

Mayflies, also known as Canadian soldiers, blanketed buildings, cars, parking lots and just about everything that was stationary.

Whatever ya do.. DON'T squish them... Peeee Yeeeww.

At least hey only last a day or two.. but YUCK!


http://www.cleveland.com/rocky-river...ade_rocky.html

http://www.newsnet5.com/news/local-n...dewalks-lights

His reply:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UlLakWAdsY0

!!

:D
:tro:

So much so that I seriously cannot remember what I was about to post.

Isn't it time for another contest though?

Or some ice cream?

Or both?

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, please. :p

Mint chocolate chip for me :)

And will you be wanting to lick that off of someone or having a cone (sorry I just saw Big Run's post on the joke-less thread and although I am not gay suddenly found myself wondering about... well never mind. I can always email you those dirty thoughts). :eek: :p

That sounds good!

I'm still waiting for my brownies. :D

:D

#321 has the next contest rules.


I like French Vanilla Ice Cream in my summertime Kahlua milkshakes.

This is for you.....

* * *



Thank you Sightypookins.

I knew you would recognize my depth of talent.

HEY!....Guess what?




I have a PENGUIN!!!!

YES!

I have a REASON!!!!



yay!....I drew a black Magic Mark circle around his left eye and named him
Petey.He was named after my little parakeet friend from my
youngsterhood,Petey.This is so exciting.The procurement of a zebra is nearing.At
that point;I will have a doubleplus reason!!

In other news; I have to tell you all that the handicapping skills of Deborah
LunarLady are astonishing.In my nightly(when it's darkly) spying through her
window, I observe her picks for the weekend and this girl is LOADED with moan-ay
as a result of her selections.Golly I hope I'm not revealing things she would
rather not be revealed.



whoa! is that like sssssssso hot!!



What else?

Knowing well how all NTers want to know "how goes it?" with me;here's"how goes
it?" with me : Pea porridge hot;pea porridge cold----pea porridge in the pot
nine days old.

Isn't that swell!!?

It's walk like a nikkidie(TM) Egyptian season for Kent State HO's.Very warm now
and they started wearing about 20 square inches of clothing when it was only
luke warm.Now they're down to about 8 square inches.I can't wait for "very
hot".Plus, they drink a LOT and will **** a squirrel;they're THAT easy!


You know sporty friends, being a national figure in the horsey racing world is
not a hop,skip and a jump.Most of the national figures are quite gay ....and I
am not.They are also quite for each other.....while I am not.This outstanding
writer will not buy in nor sell out.You can always count on me for the unbiased
and heterosexual truth.Kent, being the racing center that it is....provides a
very positive atmosphere for brilliant horsey writing.This,because of the
preponderance in drug trafficking and independent ho'ing.It's the place where
everyone knows;but nobody talks.


Am I boring you?

Are you shore?

Good because I have a lllllong way to go.



Really great to know of the members favorite ice cream(roll of the eyes
emoticon). Is this becoming NoAdvantage II ? At least Sighty is sticking with
her brownies.Does that mean the Cleveland Brownies or edible brownies? OldWuffie
is not complaining because BrownSugah is filling up his PM with smutty
notes.;but Debbie IS !!

snarf! I am so amusing.

if I bought you a pickle today,
would you stick me in one tomorrow?
if all you got was a nickel for pay,
what would you give to borrow?

I HATE ,with a purple passion, mind you.....Australian racing.Not only is it
almost impossible to read the saddle cloth numbers-----but I can't understand
those friggin' announcers! It's like their mouths are break dancing, fer ****
sakes.


South Water Street and East Summit----where graveyards fill inside straights,but
no one will lend you a dime.




Now I'M bored.It's time.


Viewable notes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYbAyukVpHM

:rolleyes:

Dear Smart One...

I was talking about thinking about licking ice cream off of someones tits.

Hey if you don't want to hear it it's all good. :p

Oh! It just occurred to me what you mean haha! I have wondered all day! :D

edit - Oh duh I meant to tell you (from He Who Will Not Be Nmaed) that the Stopshoppingdebbie thread made him think of you.

Dear Mr. Noname,

Once again, I HATE SHOPPING.

Although I do enjoy riding in the shopping cart.:D

It has been suggested that we add shopping cart races to the contest. Clyde wants his cart pulled by Hansen.

Or maybe Hansen will ride in the cart and Clyde will push it????

Shopping for ice cream? I am so there.

Complain? Why would I???

geeeeeeeeeezeeeeeee I almost forgot

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLYDE !!!!!!!!!

Well you wouldn't but Morty, for some reason, is equating the whole licking ice cream off of tits scenario with Pace Advantage so it's now out. :(

Oh well we will think of another fun activity.

Shall we buy some Legos? Oh no wait Morty might need a helmet for that one.

Shall I pass out some string cheese whilst I ponder?

Ooops no Morty might get hurt... better make it brie.

He'll probably say no to popsicles...

Must ponder. :wf
Is that today (AGAIN)?

Are we dying their hair / mane and - if so - what color?

While not an official race of the ClydeVivor Summer Sizzler Contest, Ned and Hydra do hope you will participate in their lovely festivities for the weekend.

The Ned and Hydra Winner Gets Ice Cream Contest

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9NIZOvfKpc

Rules:

1. Pick one horsey to win in the Dwyer;
2. Pick one horsey to WPS in the Ned and Hydra Invitational;
3. Pick any three horses for the exacta box in the Ned and Hydra Invitational

The cards....

4th (2:56) Dwyer S. (G3)

1 1/16 Miles | Open | 3 Year Olds Stakes | Purse: $200,000

1 Kid Cruz Ortiz I Jr 121 L
2 Spot Lezcano J 115 L
3 Ulanbator Leparoux J R 115 L
4 Captain Serious Ortiz J L 115 L
5 Tiz Dark Velazquez J R 115 L
6 Gaining Ground Lanerie C J 115 L

7th (4:34) The Ned and Hydra Invitational S. (G1)

1 1/4 Miles (Inner turf) | Open | 3 Year Olds Stakes | Purse: $1,250,000

1 Toast of New York Spencer J P 122 FTL
2 Sheldon Alvarado J 122 L
3 Bobby's Kitten Castellano J J 122 L
4 Adelaide (IRE) O'Donoghue C 122 FTL
5 Flamboyant (FR) Rosario J 122 L
6 Dance With Fate Nakatani C S 122 L
7 Gailo Chop (FR) Auge J 122
8 Pornichet (FR) Ortiz J L 122 Blk-On FTL
9 Mr Speaker Lezcano J 122 L
10 Global View Stevens G L 122 L
11 Gala Award Velazquez J R 122 L

That was special, Old Dog. :D

Just to be clear are we allowed to pick the horses after the race cause if that's the case I might do a little better.

I'd also like to know if Hansen will be running in both races.

Thanks!

Hansen will be giving hair dying tips in between races. He will not be running.

Selections to be made 20 minutes prior to first post of the day and one can use Advanced Tools, ZCs and Magic 8 Balls.

Clydeform and Mortynosepicks available here

lolastube

But I don't have 8 balls. Can I drive my magic bus?

Blue busses only, please.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydXHuUXqPKE

Pornichet says "Pick me!"

http://instagram.com/p/p_4DoGLMmR/

A friend ,who shall remain nameless, asked me as a birthday present to post this rather lengthy state of the asylum piece...so here we go.:D



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfRnlvtdHjE#t=103




Hello to all horsey racing fans.

(I did it!!)


This is Clyde speaking Collinwood.

(Goddamity!!)



Wait a minute.












Hi.

This is Clyde.


It was extremely white of SightyPoo to present me with the cards of the big dances on Sunday.She could have worn that micro skirt,but nooooOOOOO.I got the "Beyond The Shoes Maxi Dress" by Grandma Clampett.Anyways,I will do this thing for all soon.I know the Belmonts are looking for a big crowd and have promised to make DEM SHOO that all the foul ups from the Belmont Stakes happen all over again.They really give a shit;but they are WONDERFUL people.

I so do appreciate the Happy's for my birthday on July2.I will be having another on July 4 and do encourage more Happy greetings from the members.I'll have several more throughout the year so stay tuned for those vital announcements.

You know friends,I always try to give out life pointers ;it separates me from the mundane.....which I enjoy as I don't like them.Christopher Hitchens thought enough of three quotes that he included them just before chaptr one of his autobiography.Take a listen:

WH Auden, from Death's Echo ( I findthe title amusing.....I probably should not have said what I did.):

The desires of the heart are as crooked as corkscrews.
Not to be born is the best for man.
The second best is a formal order.
The dance's pattern,dance while you can.
Dance,dance for the figure is easy
The tune is catching and will not stop.
Dance till the stars come down with the rafters.
Dance,dance,dance till you drop.

The above is not only goodly,but also a Zodiac Cipher for one of those big dances on Sunday.

I hope you all do hear the music it plays.

The second, by Richard Dawkins....unwavering atheist swine....from Unweaving the Rainbow(which is dumb):

We are going to die and that makes us the lucky ones.Most people are never going to die because they are never going to be born.( well DAH!!)The potential people who could have been here in my placebut who in fact will never see the light of day outnumber the sand grains of the Sahara.( treat that piece of b.s. the same as "no two snowflakes are alike")Certainly those unborn ghosts include greater poets than Keats,scientists greater than Newton.We know this because the set of possible people allowed by our DNA so massively outnumbers the set of actual people.( He's really losing it here) In the teeth ofthese stupefying odds it is you and I,in our ordinariness, that are here.

Boy was that tripe-----or what?

Well Hitchens had it in so I thought I should add it in too.

Somemuch tripe in the world and some of it even by supposedly really,reallysmart people. But this all brings me to my topic....which is the brat worthiness of Brown Sugah.I have no idea whose tits she is sucking in order to ingest ice cream.Why she just doesn't eat it right out of a box----well no.What I meant was, why doesn't she just buy it from a store? Then I become thetarget of her blood curdling wrath.

That was my topic?

Can't be.

Now I don't know what it was.

Not to worry.I'll just make one up while on the fly.Here it is: Why do people feel the need to do a "play around", as they're called,and announce each bet in a public manner?And then, if they win.....they copy their winning post as if to display this miracle.I would like tosee, just once,someone copy their losing bets and display that noise.You know what I mean?No one even knows if realMonopoly money is being bet.Somehow they think if theypost the bet from their I-net betting service;this means it's true and they have proof of brilliance.Can you imagine 'play arounds" at the track-----live? What a goofy mess that would appear to gawkers.Really, it's just as bad as the NotSoUltimate Selector's "WINNER !!" mania. Why doesn't he post "LOSER!!" when he loses? Would run the machine out of I-net ink. I hope you all follow my thoughts here.Do you think as I? regarding this topic I mean;no one thinks like I.

Been told as much.

Would you believe I have been told that I am....weird?

I have.

But that's a good thing because that means I am quite out of step with the nonweird.The nonweird make up the majority and you see wheremajority thinking has got us.I enjoy being weird. It's my calling card.I even put it on my biz card. By the way, my biz card has neon light circuitry inside.
It drives "cool' people friggin' nuts from their jealousy.

Who is LaLesion?

Do the people who responded in that thread really know that person.....or is this aracane kumquatery?

I think someone other than LaLesion should post a thread entitled "Does anyone remember me?" What if no one answered? HA!!!! That would show how popular Arlettuce.....oh boy.I mean how popular that particular person is..like in NOT! Gosh I just have such a hard time in keeping this sort of stuff under control.It mut be my weird noodle.

I live in a place roamed by a legion of zombies.They would like to eat me,but I'm too quick for them.Many of them just returned from the Royal Ascot affair and realize they could have had more fun at ordering take out from a Chinese restaurant....and spent a whole lot less money.Why would anyone want to attend that fraudulent mess? I would not go for all expenses paid plus one million dollars-----and I do hope a billionaire wants to challenge me on thatone .I really,really do.I would much prefer attending the Ohio Derby;MUCH. I don't have to look at the trained seals from the USA. That's a huge plus.

I know I said I would add in the three quotes Hitchens added in to his book,but I said it to make you wonder,until now,what happened to the third quote.


OK!!

I think I'm done rambling.

"yay!"....I know.



More edible dreams for the insane:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfRnlvtdHjE



OH!!....don't forget!---Godzirra own Sherr Oir Company.



doo dah!