I wish I was in Alaska......

From Mr. Bo Jangles himself ~ Clyde


================================================== =====


No one can ever say Clyde Z. Collinwood is not a very modest,humble and giving perthon.

And so....I would like to extend the opportunity here to each of the contestants to cede from the latest contest offering;knowing all their hard work will go for naught as it is inevitable I will win.

I know this extraordinary sportsmanship will bring the hankies out.

I am saint like, don't ya think?

But there's more.


Debbie may now ship my pretty prize basket to me and save express charges as she knows I don't like to be kept waiting more than two days after I have won.


Oh my. That last bit of philanthropy is now making me cry.









OK....bettah now.

One more commenty.

Stop that irritating applauding.


CheekyBird? Someone has got to be kidding me.And a pair of Brit high heels or the avy? And then a Lumberg "Yah Hi" thread .....in the Padlock? And it didn't get moved? There is something very strange buzzing around that.Could it be Satan's Imaginary Twin? Could he be a cross threader? CheekyBird? My God;no one can really be that corny.I still think it's the resurrection of CharleeHO.Perhaps an extension of the onthecontrary family.


Next installment: The Correct Manipulation of Fingers for a Happier Ganglia.

(Old Wuffie:Get a new printer!)


Good day.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezPZxfS1jys

:{>::)

You must earn your prize package sir.:mad:

To quote "Three Dog Night", One is the loneliest number.

More jibber..... I mean another message from ~ Clyde


================================================== ===========

Hmmm....from the lack of self aggrandizing posts, it looks as though Nick's Kumqauts and Pelican's Barber took a solid soaking today over on the Goof-A-Round thread.Boy, that was worse than Bad Ballet.

Together,perhaps they could be the handicapper's bane:The Dyslexic Exacta.

Poor PB.As if the Bad Handicaping weren't bad enough,he received a thorough feather plucking in the SportyRoom:Bad Luck Season.He should expunge his last post as the thing kind of makes the unanimous decision look like a brutal TKO.


Isn't it time for Satan's Twit to type up a novelette?I so love reading the first 2 or 3 words.

You know what it is time for? SightyPooKins to supply me with the cards for Saturday's Hockey Puck Gold Glub.

My poim du jour:


you never know
just how you look
until you get
yo' picture took


This looks back to my fine "food for thought"....thought.


From The Satanic Verses:

"A poet's work is to name the unnameable,to point at frauds,to take sides,start arguments,shape the world and stop it from going to sleep."


My range of motion is in perfect condition.I can spot the frozen,the stupid and the dead from 1,000 miles. ....and can turtle launch a shell fired missile, right rickey tickey.Lastly(stop it!!) ----kin ya hep me here? Godzirra owns;what?





THE SHERR OIR COMPANY!!





ooooooooKAY!!!!




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PyTu1v-PtRU

I present the cards....

10th (5:50) Jockey Club Gold Cup Invitational S. (G1)

1 1/4 Miles | Open | 3 Year Olds And Up Stakes | Purse: $1,000,000

1 Micromanage Saez L 126 L
2 Last Gunfighter Bravo J 126 L
3 Wicked Strong Maragh R 122 L
4 Zivo Lezcano J 126 L
5 Prayer for Relief Velazquez J R 126 L
6 Long River Velasquez C 126 L
7 Speak Logistics Lopez P 126 L
8 Tonalist Rosario J 122 Blk-Off L
9 Stephanoatsee Ortiz J L 126 L
10 V. E. Day Castellano J J 122 L
11 Moreno Alvarado J 126 L
12 Big Cazanova (ARG) Ortiz I Jr 126 L

and as a bonus to the CLYDEFORM!! faithful and sponsored by The Belmonts (such wonderful people), I present an extra set of cards...

8th (4:41) Vosburgh Invitational S. (G1)

6 Furlongs | Open | 3 Year Olds And Up Stakes | Purse: $400,000

1 Palace Velasquez C 124 L
2 Coup de Grace Clark K D 122 L
3 Zee Bros Rosario J 124 L
4 Salutos Amigos Ortiz I Jr 124 L
5 Dads Caps Castellano J J 124 L
6 Happy My Way Bravo J 124 L
7 Private Zone Pedroza M A 124 L
8 Ribo Bobo Lopez P 124 L


You won't find this kind of generosity anywhere else, Sporty Fans!

Important Nincompoopence from Clyde



================================================== ======

Well....SightyPoo is becoming a real cut up here.

ha-ha-ha-ha-ha

I will deal with you later,girly.


But thank you for the cards and let us do THE HOCKEY PUCK GOLD CUP





1....JIM KATCAVAGE

Played a fine defensive tackle for the Giants,but that was a long time ago.

So no.



crinkle....


trash can






2....LAST GUNFIGHTER


Now,we've had this before....godammity.

If he is the last,then there is no one to fight.



crinkle....


trash can






3....TICKET WRONG


TOASTIE!!



crinkle....


trash can






4.... DIVO


We've had this one before,too.

On thing's for shore: the jockey will whip it.



crinkle....


trash can






5....PRAYER FOR RELIEF


keepah

keepah!

KEEPAH!!






6....WRONG RIVER


Google map it next time, dewd.



crinkle....


trash can






7....SPEAKY LOGISTICS


This is swell.

But what it is not.... is Logistastan.

We no speaky no stinking Logistics.



crinkle....


trash can






8....PHONE-IT-IN


It's the New Age term for "mail it in".


....uh,no....



crinkle....


trash can






9....



oops



crinkle....


trash can






10... V. E. DAY


A swell horsey,but he had his turn last time.

And this time he's number 10----which really blows.



crinkle....


trash can






11....MORE NO


Way no.



crinkle....


trash can






12....BIG SUPERNOVA


Let's watch.

Should be fun.





whiiiiiiiirrrrrrr!!!!















PRAYER FOR RELIEF enjoys a chicken dinnah.

And a pinch of door knobery.

================================================== ========
The Most Wonderfullest People in the whole wide world,THE Belmonts, present as a bonus to the CLYDEFORM!! faithful....The LOSTNERD BYOB!!

I sniff an S5P play here!

(Huge thanks to Miss "You won't find this kind of generosity anywhere else, Sporty Fans!" SightyPooKins)





ANYWAYS!!!!






1....PAL LESS


I know how you feel,guy.

No one likes me either.

But no.



crinkle....


trash can






2....COUP de GRACE


keepah!!






3.... ZEBRAS


yay!!

keepah!!






4....ADIOS AMIGOS


keepah!!






5....DADS CAPS


A SUPAH ADD!!

rolling an' laughing!



crinkle....


trash can






6....HAPPY MY WAY


KEEPAH KEEPAH!!






7....PRIVATE ZONE


tsssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!






8....THE REAL DON STEELE!!



Check please!!



nyyyyyyyoooooooooooooooooooooow!!



thud












The exact order of finish :


6,HAPPY MY WAY
2,COUP de GRACE
4,ADIOS AMIGOS
7,PRIVATE ZONE
3,ZEBRAS


A NED& HYDRA BONUS BET!!--------------------


Take the 2/6 and 4/7 as e-boxanatahs.




kissykissykisykissy

Thank you for thinking of us. Must tweet His Holiness and ask how to begin Canonization proceedings.

From Clyde


================================================== ==========


Git at dem beans!!


CLYDEFORM!! FOR BELMONT SATURDAY IS OUT!





1...#10,.Moon Over Cuzco win-----#1,SavoyStomp as e-Buddy

2.....#7,Scam to win------------------#6,Chapman as e-Buddy

3.....#9,Dispersion to win------------#3,King of New York as e-Buddy

4.....#7,It'sMyLuckyDay to win-----#4,RiverRocks as e-Buddy

5.....#5,FiftyShadesOfHay to win---#6,OasisAtMidnight as e-Buddy

6....#12,UpGrade to win--------------#2,Escapist as e-Buddy

7.....#7,Alterite to win-----------------#4,Strathnaver as e-Buddy

8.....#6,HappyMyWay to win---------#2,Coup de Grac as e-Buddy

9.....#3,Imagining to win--------------#7,MedalCount as e-Buddy

10....#5,PrayerForRelief to win-----#10,V E Day as e-Buddy

11....#2,ArcAbove to win--------------#9,BossMan as e-Buddy

R1-Moon Over Cuzco w/ Boone Docks

R2-Scam w/ Round

R3-Dispersion w/ Gustnado

R4-IMLD w/ Bradester

R5-Endless Chatter w/ Stopchargingmaria (did anyone think about taking her cc away???)

R6-Upgrade w/ Ragtime

R7-Abaco w/ Strathnavor

R8-Dads Cap w/ Palace

R9-Imagining w/ Real Solution

R10-Tonalist w/ Zivo

R11-Innovation Economy w/ Belisarius

Am I the only one confused by these posts?

It reminds me of the discussion I had with my 1st cousin when I convinced her we were not related...then we had ...well nevermind.

Thanks God for the abortion thread ..it would be hard to justify...well nevermind.

I might just move to Alaska...

R1 - King Rontos BFF: To Dare
R2 - Scam BFF: Round
R3 - Dispersion BFF: Epsilon
R4 - ITSMYLUCKYDAY :{>:
R5 - Fiftyshadesofhay BFF: Toasting
R6 - Escapist BFF: Upgrade
R7 - Tannery BFF: Stephanie's Kitten
R8 - Happy My Way BFF: Palace
R9 - Medal Count BFF: Main Sequence
R10 - Tonalist BFF: Wicked Strong
R11 - Boss Man BFF: Capitan Futuro

** if any horsey above scratches, I take the ML favorite

Why do you know my cousin ?


btw..how are you feeling after SB?

Dear Easily Confused,

I'll explain the contest rules again-SLOWLY-just for you.


Pick your winning horse in each race on the 9/27


Belmont card. You may also pick one exacta box



horse buddy. 1 winning horse + 1 exacta box horse = 2 horses per race.


Sincerely, Clydeform Management



P.S. Laker would not like Alaska. Too cold for cats.

Results:

Clyde-0
Arletta-$9.20 (Gustnado)
Me-$47.10 (Tonalist plus exacta w/ Zivo)
Sighty-$8.10 (Tonalist)

Boom! Very nice, sistah and congrats to Ms. Arletta and Ms. Sighty as well.

Clyde hasn't demanded a recount?

Clyde's in Alaska giving eskimo kisses to the penquins.

I hope he takes selfies!

I hope the penguins do!

Congrats to our wonderful organizer!


(So tell us, did your gift basket enclose the lumbar guy??? :D )

Clyde Speaks:

================================================== =============

I felt bad about what I said, and so....I copied from Arletta,SihtyPoo and Deb-O-Deb;taking the picks rom each that I knew were terrible and could not win.

That's me.

And fine work here by the Debonatah-----getting your winner's packag out soon.AND....brand new Cadillac for ya baby.Yup, brand new Cadillac.




Also.....HUGE cheers for SandyW over at NA.

That's keepin' it real and given 'em steel.

!!!!OOOOOOOOOO!!!!




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLyWd6tnEPM

Thank you.


(My lips are sealed........;))

Doo dah! From ~ Clyde


================================================== =======

I think it's time....oh, by the way----I do take selfies.$50 each with volume discounts made available to the buying public.

Back to it.

I think it's time..................................well now I forgot what I was going to type.

I really hate that.

Oh well.I know that one thing is about DupaBird.The act is either poorly scripted or DaffyDanny has major competition.Nine posts and the "hubby" and "her" have already shoveled "thousands" into the pools since March.Major player here.

Ah don't thank so!!

Do you think she really wears those high heels?

Are'unt those the dumbest things you've ever seen?

She seems to have attached herself to Hasp's rib cage.Watch it Hasp;don't fall for this amateur hour show.





Now I remember!!




I think it time for a refresher course on the bottom three rungs of our Cranial Content Rankings.


e-baboons Level:

1....Nincompoop
2....Kumquat
3....Three-Toed Sloth

UpInFlames Level:

1....DoorKnob
2....WatchFob
3....PlumbBob

NoAdvantage Level (the worst,of course):

1....The Frozen
2....The Stupid
3....The Dead


Let us ponder where DupaBird should be properly classed.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hjqqa5tq5k


And penguins don't take selfies.Their little arms do not sprout flexible handsTake a tip from the elusive John Gotti.He was quite the quipster:

"HEY!....Whose car is that?"

"What car!?"

"The LINCOLN!!"

"What LINCOLN!!?"


See?



Just when one thinks one has seen it all....NoAdvantage happens.This,not kidding,is a recent thread title: The Biggest Hindrance to Making a Profit.

If you have read the effluent frumped out over those i-net pages----you my find that title highly amusing in it's obvious answer.

Remember, if you can say "good deal"....you get vCash.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0X1DxXIBwkI

From Clyde



================================================== =====

I,----------------------------------oh my GOD!! I forgot my name!!!!









Phooey.

Wait a minute.




























got it!









I,Clyde Collinwood, have just become the newly,duly appointed Commissioner of Horsey Racing.

Serious changes must be made to clean house....and so:


1....All tracks will have a Dwarf Day. That day,all dwarves shall receive a $2 voucher that can only be used on short odds horsey's: 2:1 or less.

2....Every Wednesday shall be Camel Race Day and each track shall designate one race for camels.

3....Sunday shall be S5P Day.All customers shall receive a voucher allowing them to pick 5 horsey's in one race for just $2.Should they hit a winner of any in those 5,they shall be paid on a $2 win ticket.All patrons MUST rush up and congratulate them....vigorously.

4....The jockey's whip shall be replaced by a squirt gun containing an approved mustard.Jockey's may only squirt opposing jockey's.No jockey shall squirt a horsey.

5....who is baffert!!,Doug O'pium,Stevie Ass and Mother Pletcher must spend one year in the Phantom Zone and attend classes given by Mr. Loo-thor.They may not fucl< MISS TESMAUCHER!!!!

6....For our claustrophobic animal friends:New gates shall be put into use.They will be of the open air type having no top and plenty of room.

7....It shall now be the winning horsey's option to take a photo.The animal may choose who is in that photo or the horsey may opt out of the photo;or,can also choose to take a selfie.

8....NO Brit shall be a track announcer.Nor shall anyone be a track announcer who cannot enunciate.....and you can't impersonate W.C.Fields like that nut at ....is it Finger Lakes? I forget,but you would know him if you heard him.

9....Women shall no longer be allowed to wear stupid,idiotic fruit basket hats to the races.However,they may continue dressing like HO's.

10..They hornblower at Santa Anita shall be shot.



Those are just my initial changes.



I think a certain thread n dangling around here should be in the PoliSci Room.A horse got floated----big deal.It IS the same as a designated rabbit.Just so happens ,this time we have a designated turtle.

Same friggin' difference.



Adios Amigos!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icHU...cxOfLy1bgSzjmB

Damn! I just put fresh fruit on my hat.:mad:

Yeah but we can still dress like HOs so at least there's that!

But my Ho dress went so well with that hat.:(

The Grissom (CSI was never the same once he left) Stakes today:

Clyde Park/Take Dat Puddy.

Was it made of fresh fruit too?

Geez, I am sorry. Sucks.

Yes it was edible.

YAY CLYDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Say!


Does anyone know of anyone who should be elected as Best of Ohio??

Originally Posted by Rileyoriley View Post
The Grissom (CSI was never the same once he left) Stakes today:

Clyde Park/Take Dat Puddy.


You got that right bout Grissom:tro:

Yeah, my sister lives in Ohio..but she knows nothing about horses...just like that other guy from Collingwood:D

ut oh.

someone is in BIG trouble....

:eek: please don't tell him I said that:p..anyways he knows where I live and i know where he supposedly lives:)...and i put him on Collinwood:p

Signed..Littlerun

A Monday morning message from ~ Clyde



=========================================

Good Monday Sporty Fans as well as all Creatures of the Night,although you
should be sleeping.There is much ground to cover as beasts of burden continue to pose,via the i-net, as real humans.


First up: I am going to solve the Lasix issue.All horsey players who bleed at
the mouth must take Lasix or they cannot opine anymore.Jesus-----give us a break already.

Second up:Someone in this thread is in BIG trouble.It's not the one with the
fruit HO dress and hat.( by the by,she was the only one to use CLYDEFORM!!'s
pick of ClydePark!! in that race,even if she did ignore the EastHall pick)It's
not the one who feels like I should be named Best in Ohio,of course.I'll let it
go .....this time.Next time there will be a pie launching.

Third up:I am beginning to like Drainos( someone kill me) over at NA. He made
the board owner,NA, look stupid;not that it's hard to make a tree sloth look
like a tree sloth....but most over there kiss up to NA.It's a membership of kiss
ups,after all.Fine work ,Drainos.I even invite him to this fine thread,but he
cannot bring his Warren Buffet doll.

Fourth up:Regarding bleeders at the mouth,there are a couple of recent instances here at NT showing when one attempts to go off topic in order to show off one's own incredibly magnificent noodle....one winds up losing the trees in the forest;or maybe loses the job loss in the track loss---- and really looks dumb.

Am I going too fast?

Fifth up:I would like to thank my pasters,past and present,for their dedication
to duty and courage in pasting up my incendiary noodle thoughts.

Hand salute;snappy release.

Sixth up: A tune....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vn3gBUkZYm8


Seventh up:Today is my birthday.

Eighth up:I have to whizz.

Ninth up:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swyKrGRbBtQ


Tenth up:I'm getting really pressed for material.I think it shows.Am working on my "couch in the haunted elevator" story.It takes lots of explaining,but it will get here.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qoqQnR8NOVI

'