The ClydeVivor Christmas Contest

[geeker2]

I have a tax question..

Are lap dances deductible ? And does it matter if you are the lapper or the lapee ?

[Rileyoriley]

Originally Posted by geeker2

I have a tax question..

Are lap dances deductible ? And does it matter if you are the lapper or the lapee ?

Only if you're a politician.

[geeker2]

Originally Posted by Rileyoriley

Only if you're a politician.

I was asking the question on your behalf

[herkhorse]

Originally Posted by geeker2

I was asking the question on your behalf

ROR!!

[Rileyoriley]

Originally Posted by geeker2

I was asking the question on your behalf

SSSHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! That's under the table income.

[geeker2]

Originally Posted by Rileyoriley

SSSHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! That's under the table income.

ok that makes more cents

what about the pole ?

(oh and thanks Herk)

[Arletta]

From Clyde


================================================== =========


Sporty Afternoon Good Fans.










Aw fer fucl< sakes.













Wait a minute.




















Good Afternoon Sporty Fans.


Important notice for all Made Members:

Scarlet and Gray shall be the colors of the day for Monday.Your clothing may have no other color and you must show the colors in your avy or in your typed words.

Now....I have a question to answer.


Made Member Ralph Geeker asks ( paraphrasing),' Are lap dances tax deductible and does it matter whether you are the lapper or lapee?'


First off....this should have been posted in the Padlock.But I will answer it here.Be careful because ,depending,this could be treated as an asset rather than an expense.Lettuce(mmm!) assume it's an expense.I should note, it could become an asset as time goes on.The longer the dance, the harder it is to expense off.

Seems like it should be the other way around,no?

Anyhoo----Normally,the lapee(the one receiving the dance) is the payer and claimer of the expense.The lapper(dancer) would be the one to claim income.


This is beginning to sound weird.


Oh well....back to it.


The lapper may be paid in cash at the completion or by payment over time.This is called "accruing an asset." The lapee incurs a liability.That happens when lap dances go bad.Under the table stuff has also been broached.Believe it or not, a lot of things go under the table.It's not unusual as people do it all the time;under the table that is.When you partake with a lap dancer under the table,you are evading a legal tax.This is not a poll tax.It DOES have a leg to stand on.You risk being caught by Audrey.

Whoa!

I mean an audit.

Let's just forget about Audrey.

Politicians were also mentioned.They have diplomatic immunity here.Anything going on their lap may or may not be taxable and therefor they may or may not be claimed as an expense.They do have the option of showing it as a business expense.Most of the time it is claimed under the "jobs creation" heading.


This is getting weird again.



ANYWAYS!!....I hoe this removes any cover that was obstructing your view regarding this tricky tax question.I should add I get the feeling that MS. Longerie was the lapper and under the tabler.You should direct future tax queries to her as she really knows the ins and outs;she's really,really good.


Alternatively, you could also go to any H&R C.ock office.

I hope I have shed some light upon your problem.

I'm sure she did.



Here is a compilation of some tax problems I have gotten myself into:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xkfWeaX0es



================================================== =============

[Rileyoriley]

Originally Posted by geeker2

ok that makes more cents

what about the pole ?

(oh and thanks Herk)

On my tax return, I call the pole a crutch and use it as a medical expense deduction. One must learn to be creative when filing one's taxes.

[Rileyoriley]

Originally Posted by Arletta

From Clyde


================================================== =========


Sporty Afternoon Good Fans.










Aw fer fucl< sakes.













Wait a minute.




















Good Afternoon Sporty Fans.


Important notice for all Made Members:

Scarlet and Gray shall be the colors of the day for Monday.Your clothing may have no other color and you must show the colors in your avy or in your typed words.

Now....I have a question to answer.


Made Member Ralph Geeker asks ( paraphrasing),' Are lap dances tax deductible and does it matter whether you are the lapper or lapee?'


First off....this should have been posted in the Padlock.But I will answer it here.Be careful because ,depending,this could be treated as an asset rather than an expense.Lettuce(mmm!) assume it's an expense.I should note, it could become an asset as time goes on.The longer the dance, the harder it is to expense off.

Seems like it should be the other way around,no?

Anyhoo----Normally,the lapee(the one receiving the dance) is the payer and claimer of the expense.The lapper(dancer) would be the one to claim income.


This is beginning to sound weird.


Oh well....back to it.


The lapper may be paid in cash at the completion or by payment over time.This is called "accruing an asset." The lapee incurs a liability.That happens when lap dances go bad.Under the table stuff has also been broached.Believe it or not, a lot of things go under the table.It's not unusual as people do it all the time;under the table that is.When you partake with a lap dancer under the table,you are evading a legal tax.This is not a poll tax.It DOES have a leg to stand on.You risk being caught by Audrey.

Whoa!

I mean an audit.

Let's just forget about Audrey.

Politicians were also mentioned.They have diplomatic immunity here.Anything going on their lap may or may not be taxable and therefor they may or may not be claimed as an expense.They do have the option of showing it as a business expense.Most of the time it is claimed under the "jobs creation" heading.


This is getting weird again.



ANYWAYS!!....I hoe this removes any cover that was obstructing your view regarding this tricky tax question.I should add I get the feeling that MS. Longerie was the lapper and under the tabler.You should direct future tax queries to her as she really knows the ins and outs;she's really,really good.


Alternatively, you could also go to any H&R C.ock office.

I hope I have shed some light upon your problem.

I'm sure she did.



Here is a compilation of some tax problems I have gotten myself into:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xkfWeaX0es



================================================== =============

Thank you kind sir but I aquired all my tax skills from your book " Tax Cheating For Dummies".

[geeker2]

Originally Posted by Rileyoriley

On my tax return, I call the pole a crutch and use it as a medical expense deduction. One must learn to be creative when filing one's taxes.

Oh go pet a Moose

[Rileyoriley]

Originally Posted by geeker2

Oh go pet a Moose

Jealous.

[Sightseek]

Originally Posted by Rileyoriley

Jealous.

He has lots of sea lions to kiss, but I'm thinking a moose may have better breathe!

[Arletta]

A final post by ~ Clyde


================================================== ===============

This will be my last post here in Miss Longerie's Contest Room.

I didn't say that right.


It will be my last post anywhere, but I chose to put it in Miss Longerie's Contest Room.I know I have said this many times before.Big deal.This time ,it's real. Everything must eventually come to it's end.I am one of those things.No one wants to believe I'm dying and that's just fine with me.I have the little c in my little prostate and the hospital doctors don't care either.I am scheduled to have uranium 235 rods inserted, but they are in no hurry to do so.This tells me something:I don't think they like me.I could have opted to spend an hour in a nuclear reactor, but there is some risk involved.This could be done right away,but I have reason to believe that's only because they want me dead.

No skin off my nose.

They don't know some of the actions they have performed on me to date have turned me into the greatest Dracula who ever lived forever.

I promise hotties I will give them ''eterrrnal life",but in a way no Dracula ever has performed.


Guess what that performance is? A hint: I don't bite them-----anywhere. (=;>)I'll leave the rest to your imaginations.

Oh----Debbie,glad I could help you with your sax problem.








Oh my God.






I meant;with your tax problem.That book was so popular ,it outsold Dave Schwontz's : "Uh,look....There Are No Refunds."


I have learned much in horsey racing.I think all that knowledge culminates in my ability to realize anyone who thinks PayBob was not purposely sent with instructions saying ,"Uh,look....take him DI-rectly to the front and as near the rail as you can.I don't care who's in the way.Well, I do....and that's the point! "----is a kumquat.

At best.

It may interest many of you too know I am trying to lose a young female "waif" who is better than AbeyGail ever thought she could be.This girl is GOOOOOOD.She thinks of lies to cover her lies before I can even follow her lies about her lies.And when I start following them....she lies some more about not lying about not lying when she is lying!! I'd say heroin is the culprit here. It's kind of hard to let someone out at a gas station for gum or something....and they're gone 10 -12 minutes....and come back,and act like trying to flick cigarette ashes out the car window is the most challenging physical performance ever invented;something that requires almost inhuman hand/eye coordination.It should not take 20 minutes to flick an ash.And they are nodding in a very demonstrative way while performing this incredible feat.

I don't know why I'm a magnet for these types.I must have "Ultimate Sucker" written on my back.


I do have to make a brief final appearance in the Cleveland Sporty Page as millions of my fans left congratulatory notes for me and I cannot let them go unthanked. But that's all so this really,really is my last entry.


I'm sniffing really hot perfume right now.

Yow.

The stuff is really good.


Only there's no hottie here. Perhaps I got a guide for the afterlife who is a hot girl and she is trying to communicate with me.Oh poo----she's probably an afterlife grifter.Told ya I attract 'em like a magnet.

Boy do I wish I could take NoAdvantage with me.I can't believe there's anything that good in what's next.Oh my God-----what if Dave Schwontz meets the newbe's at the gate?I can't think like that.Awful! He probably would try to sell his "LOW" software upon entry.


God that perfume is like sssssssso hot!!



Let's take a STICKY MUSIC break,shall we?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kieL0w1adBc




I sniff it again!

Holy cow.


Anyhoo----let's remember,if it doesn't happen in a commonplace way;this becomes an anomaly.There is no reason,not to worry.Anomalies happen.No need to investigate a thing.And thyroxine is good.Yes, it is good.It's the very finest anomaly out there.So are skating rinks.Anyone who enjoys skating and owns 4 legs will really enjoy it.It is also one of the finest anomaly's out there;well that and low level claiming races.

Anomaly's are good for us and everyone shall enjoy them.

It's not to worry time!

Let's have more STICKY MUSIC!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xi7kzGeOWpw


I thimply must thank Arletta evah so much for her pastey work.I know she ( like Debbie,MediumRun and Old Wuffie) is breathing a big sigh of relief----UPS!-----I mean is hoping she can continue pasteying for me, but alas.....this is the last one.

Do you 'ememer the Cozy DoorYard,Franklin CAH----SOL,-ALAN'S- Room and Snowy Woods? Boy were those fun.Ya just can't buy stuff like that.Really can't. Am I boring you? Are you shore? Well OK....I'll continue.Stop me if I get windy.

Ever have a song that puts you back into an exact moment of time....and you can almost relive it?Here's a STICKY for ya then:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0o7BwblazjQ


I've been sitting on my leg and now it's asleep.

I'm an interesting guy,aye?

But maybe I just bored it to death.



HEY! Calculatah won the Scam!! I like the guy.American Obama and Duodenum....no.

I should have been a race caller:


"And they're off!

Wait a minute....no they're not.That was my alarm clock.WHOA! Now they're off! The lead is grabbed by....God they're going REALLY fast! Uhm, that's Cool Breeze racing along the rail....no it's not.Isn't Cool Breeze #4? Maybe not.It might be him leading.Anyhoo----here comes another horsey! Oh gosh, that's number 4 and it's not Cool Breeze. What the fucl< is Cool Breeze's number? OK...uh....boy they are really,really fast.They appear to be coming up on that far turn.Gosh there's 6 horsey's in this race! Looks like 12! Oh look! 7's got the lead now.THAT'S Cool Breeze. YA BABY! 4 is next, followed by yer 3 ,6 ,2,5 and yer 1.....whoever they are.HEY! There's 7 horses in this thing!! Ah dunno.Oh wow!!.....they're almost done!


Wait.

They are done.

They're slowing down is how I know, but now I can't tell who won because they're all bunched up.I'm pretty shore it was 4, who is.....uh.....My Honey Clyde.Oh my gosh! The tote board says it's a 3 way photo for first! This is like so exciting! Ah wonder who won?

Let's watch.

Should be fun.



YOW! It was Rory's Rocket!....number 6! How in God's name did that happen? I know I lost him ----somewheres. Stay tuned racing fans.The NYRA ANOMALY STAKES is coming right up!"



I would have been good at that.



Know what? Even I'm getting bored now.I can really pass some time,huh? I think this disembodied perfume is giving me erotic sleepy tunes.I can't wait to go to sleep!! I feel a noodle film coming on!!

Does that sound, krey-zee?

"Well ya know"....ever see Kevin Spacey imitate Walken? You should.

And people think I'M weird.



I really think this about does 'er for me.

May you all have your One Day because I sure got fucl<ed outta mine.

spit!


I'm kidding,really.Have been so lucky.Just one very,very lucky guy and wish everyone could have been or will be as fortunate as me.



So here ya go:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=At3FH01FlWU


googlies!!

[my miss storm cat]

Originally Posted by Arletta

A final post by ~ Clyde


================================================== ===============

Boy do I wish I could take NoAdvantage with me.

On a day of a list so brilliant Alan Turing would approve, I do not mean to be so disrespectful as to brush aside the very serious nature of this final post of yours BUT gotta say this very funny line was old school Mortimer... a fine example-ie of a simple line with layers to it and comedy so pure...

What is the point of leaving?

If not here who will silently nod along and approve of your noodle pictures?

Will you be happy painting them for no one?

If a short and average man with a heart three times too large dances in a room and fills it till it should explode with joy is he not still dancing alone?

Kindly rethink this finality thing. No not that part of it as that is a game of chance. The staying around bit.

While the cah sol is abandoned and the woods may not be snowy presently there are other places that have yet to be seen, lived, experienced... no?

You would deny us that? Why? To what end? For a final farewell? Will you not look back?

Do not say goodbye when it is not goodbye because the only results of that is no one feels any joy at all and what is the point?

PS - I continue to read this thread ass-backward and so have no clue what I have missed.

[Rileyoriley]

Originally Posted by my miss storm cat

On a day of a list so brilliant Alan Turing would approve, I do not mean to be so disrespectful as to brush aside the very serious nature of this final post of yours BUT gotta say this very funny line was old school Mortimer... a fine example-ie of a simple line with layers to it and comedy so pure...

What is the point of leaving?

If not here who will silently nod along and approve of your noodle pictures?

Will you be happy painting them for no one?

If a short and average man with a heart three times too large dances in a room and fills it till it should explode with joy is he not still dancing alone?

Kindly rethink this finality thing. No not that part of it as that is a game of chance. The staying around bit.

While the cah sol is abandoned and the woods may not be snowy presently there are other places that have yet to be seen, lived, experienced... no?

You would deny us that? Why? To what end? For a final farewell? Will you not look back?

Do not say goodbye when it is not goodbye because the only results of that is no one feels any joy at all and what is the point?

PS - I continue to read this thread ass-backward and so have no clue what I have missed.

[Arletta]

From "you know who"



================================================== ====

It is my sincere pleasure to return when I said I would not,knowing how dumb I look.



But this is special.

=:>

Not only did the vast majority of voters validate the opinions of the fair and open minded in regard to the BCC,but they did it-----smartly.


Exhibit I:

143 California Chrome
53 Main Sequence
36 Bayern 15.5%



I move baffert stables be renamed ,The Island of Dr. Moreau.

And with the fine trainer of CC in mind:

"Winners never cheat and cheaters never win."




HOORAY FOR KARAMAZOV!!

[geeker2]

It's hard to believe Clyde didn't get a single vote for "a regular oval shape, traced by a point moving in a plane so that the sum of its distances from two other points (the foci) is constant, or resulting when a cone is cut by an oblique plane that does not intersect the base" Award.

[Arletta]

Some "trash talk" from ~ Clyde




================================================== ======

I think I'm having too much fun with this.


It has brought me such joy to see the sour grapes responses from the PayBob(Bayern)fans.I believe the biggest cry baby is NoAdvantage, of the horsey board bearing his name.

So fitting.

He's very upset that no one understands there was no real interference by PayBob on Shared Belief and ( by way of the Domino Theory) Moreno; this , according to the Sky Cam.Shared Belief was only turned sideways and Moreno was only held back...and PayBob? Why, he pranced nicely and unencumbered to the lead near the rail.

NA must have flogged the dolphin in overtime to see what no one else can see.

Blindness can be the only reason


Then, there is the faction who seem to think having more stickers on your baggage is of such prime importance.I must say, I was very impressed PayBob traveled to the Travers---- only to get a perfect trip .....and finish dead last.


Fine work.

Kind of provided balance to that 7 furlonger he won.

His behind got waxed harder than a Alabama used car,readied for sale.


PayBob also hit Maryland for the Preakness....and frumped to his knees right out of the gate.Rita what'shername then whacked him,but PayBob was done.But you know? He really showed his make up by finishing....2nd dead last.That really showed guts;much like when Shared Belief got fucl<ed with by baffert forces in two races.

No.....wait a minute.Gosh, I think Shared Belief showed a lot more guts than PayBob.SB was fourth in the Classic.....don't ya know.He won that other race.

We can see PayBob lacks intestinal fortitude and probably should cut back on the glamor travel.



I don't recall California Aluminum ever embarrassing himself.Nor Shared Belief. Should a horse who embarrasses himself twice be 3 year old or horse of the year??It's like saying Oscar De La Hoya was the best of all time and not Ray Robinson.


And I'm not even a California Aluminum fan.

But for the entire year, he easily stood out.

I don't think we want horses who quit when it gets tough to win these fine awards.



Let the California Aluminum Celebration continue.The world is good again.Oh come on racing fans! Courage has triumphed over a potential glory thief!! Let's hear it for him!




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQA-iZNJMxA


O=:>

[my miss storm cat]

Originally Posted by Arletta

Some "trash talk" from ~ Clyde



================================================== ======

And I'm not even a California Aluminum fan.

... anyone who has read your stuff KNOWS this and that's why it is even more meaningful.

I wrote a very long response to this BUT just deleted it and will simply say well done. I liked your post.

There is no need to say anything more.

[Rileyoriley]

Originally Posted by Arletta

Some "trash talk" from ~ Clyde




================================================== ======

I think I'm having too much fun with this.


It has brought me such joy to see the sour grapes responses from the PayBob(Bayern)fans.I believe the biggest cry baby is NoAdvantage, of the horsey board bearing his name.

So fitting.

He's very upset that no one understands there was no real interference by PayBob on Shared Belief and ( by way of the Domino Theory) Moreno; this , according to the Sky Cam.Shared Belief was only turned sideways and Moreno was only held back...and PayBob? Why, he pranced nicely and unencumbered to the lead near the rail.

NA must have flogged the dolphin in overtime to see what no one else can see.

Blindness can be the only reason


Then, there is the faction who seem to think having more stickers on your baggage is of such prime importance.I must say, I was very impressed PayBob traveled to the Travers---- only to get a perfect trip .....and finish dead last.


Fine work.

Kind of provided balance to that 7 furlonger he won.

His behind got waxed harder than a Alabama used car,readied for sale.


PayBob also hit Maryland for the Preakness....and frumped to his knees right out of the gate.Rita what'shername then whacked him,but PayBob was done.But you know? He really showed his make up by finishing....2nd dead last.That really showed guts;much like when Shared Belief got fucl<ed with by baffert forces in two races.

No.....wait a minute.Gosh, I think Shared Belief showed a lot more guts than PayBob.SB was fourth in the Classic.....don't ya know.He won that other race.

We can see PayBob lacks intestinal fortitude and probably should cut back on the glamor travel.



I don't recall California Aluminum ever embarrassing himself.Nor Shared Belief. Should a horse who embarrasses himself twice be 3 year old or horse of the year??It's like saying Oscar De La Hoya was the best of all time and not Ray Robinson.


And I'm not even a California Aluminum fan.

But for the entire year, he easily stood out.

I don't think we want horses who quit when it gets tough to win these fine awards.



Let the California Aluminum Celebration continue.The world is good again.Oh come on racing fans! Courage has triumphed over a potential glory thief!! Let's hear it for him!




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQA-iZNJMxA


O=:>

Well done sir!