Here's a "recipe" I wrote earlier this year for my brother and sister-in-law's engagement party. They requested recipes, so I gave them the one we used the most at the time....
Nicole’s recipe for Ordering Delivery
Ingredients: 2 people, assorted delivery menus, telephone, money
Preparation: (Note: Useful for one person to remove clothing before beginning.)
1. Decide it’s too much trouble to cook.
2. Squabble over whose turn it is to decide from where to order delivery.
3. Decide one person shall choose three places, and other person shall choose from which of the three to order.
4. First person selects three places.
5. Second person says those are the three places he/she really DID NOT want to order from.
6. First person picks three other places.
7. Second person picks one of the three.
8. First person says he/she really hoped second person wouldn’t choose that place.
9. Together, select one of the two remaining options.
10. Squabble over whose turn it is to phone in the order, each person convinced
one hundred percent that he/she did it last time (note: highly recommended—video, audio, photographic or notarized written records for proof).
11. Come to agreement on who will phone in the order (note: negotiating tactics of varying degrees of usefulness include promises to call in the next two orders, complaints that other person’s order is always a pain to phone in as everything needs to be “on the side”, sudden onset of laryngitis, and, as last resort, tears. Please also note tears are more effective when used by female than by male).
12. Phone in order.
13. Wait for delivery.
14. Become grumpy because delivery is taking too long.
15. Squabble over who should call to ask where the food is (note: usually food arrives before squabble is done and actual call itself is seldom necessary).
16. Food delivery arrives.
17. Occasionally, squabble over whose turn it is to answer the door and take the delivery (note: here is where removing one’s clothes before beginning recipe comes in handy, as other person will seldom make first person answer door in his/her underwear).
18. Pay for food, making sure to tip decently, as delivering meals is a crummy job.
19. Enjoy food and each other’s company.
20. Make promise to self to cook next time, as it’s really more work to order delivery.