Subject: NOAH IN 2006
In the year 2006, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now
living in the United States, and said, "Once again,
the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I
see the end of all flesh before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing
along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6
months to build the Ark before I will start the
unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah
weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared , "I'm about to start the rain!
Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have
changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing
with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler
system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the
neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my
yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to
go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond
be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and
other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move
to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming
to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees
in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists
that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights
group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals
against their will. They argued the accommodation was
too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put
so many animals in a confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until
they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your
proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human
Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed
to hire for my building crew.
Immigration and Naturalization are checking the
green-card status of most of the people who want to
work.
The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist
I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building
experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,
claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10
years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,
and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked
up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to
destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
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