Mattie Batchelor - Probably the funniest jockey ever!
Age 31
Marital Status Single
Licensed Since 1996
Retainer Mark Bradstock and anyone else who'll have me
Lives Brighton
Drives Reliant Robin – yellow
Agent Dave Roberts
What's your perfect night in, and your perfect night out? My perfect night out would be a steak meal at the local Berni Inn, and my perfect night in would be a night of Mastermind and University Challenge reruns followed by a game of chess with Pops (my dad).
You've picked up a two-day suspension. What are you going to do with yourself? When I'm not out caring for the community and delivering Meals on Wheels for the WI, I'd jump straight in the car and head up to Chipping Norton golf club for two free days of golf with Gordy Clarkson, Daz the butcher and Uncle Rick. I'm pretty good at golf now.
What's your favourite holiday destination? La Caleche in Belgium. We go for six days of non-stop golf every year on the Boys from Barney tour.
Who'd be your ideal companions for the long drive to Musselburgh? Tony McCoy. Why? Because he's got a TV in his car. He's also got a driver, so that makes two people. The third person would then be a midget, so there'd be plenty of room in the back for me to lie down and sleep.
What CDs would you keep in the glove compartment for when the conversation dries up? 101 Greatest Hits from Chas and Dave. You can't beat a bit of Chas and Dave, and maybe something by Johnny Mathis.
Who are your biggest heroes, in and out of racing? Out of racing my biggest hero is Derek Trotter. He said he was going to make a million and achieved it. In racing, my biggest hero would be John ‘The Bird' Harris for turning Zimbabwe's career around.
What things excite you, and what do you find a turn-off? A night out in Spearmint Rhino excites me and girls with hairy top lips turn me right off.
What's the funniest thing that's ever happened to you in the course of your work? The funniest thing that has ever happened to me in racing would have to be when I saw Tom Doyle's car parked on Lambourn high street with the keys still in the ignition, and then the look on his face when he realised it was me driving off in it. I jumped in, drove off, and he then chased me down the street, calling me every name under the sun. Really, the things he said just aren't printable.
If you could change one thing in racing, what would it be? Jockeys' car parks – they're always miles away. Except of course at Aintree, where you have the very obliging golf buggies to take you wherever you need to go. More racecourses should have a system like that.
If you hadn't been a jockey, what would you have liked to have been? A male escort. With my charm and charisma, I'd have been a natural.
What's the daftest question that you have ever been asked by a journalist? Off the top of my head I can't think of anything – probably because they just seem to ask so many . . .
What are the best and worst rides you have ever given a horse? The best ride would have to be King Harald in the Jewson at the 2005 Cheltenham Festival for Mark Bradstock. It was a great front-running performance and an even bettertraining effort. We had a last-fence blunder but still managed to get up to win. It was a great moment. The worst was my first-ever winner on Nahrawali at Windsor. I spent most of the race waving to people as I hailed cabs. The post-race analysis read ‘made several mistakes for his inexperienced rider'.
What's the biggest regret of your career? Not taking advantage of some of the willing stable lasses that you find in the racing world.
