Quote:
|
Originally Posted by Danzig188
they said about a month ago that a study showed that married men get 'lucky' far more often then single men--that the idea that singles go out and hook up constantly is untrue.
as for the commitment--too many people settle. then when they get sick of their partners quirks, they bail-or women marry men who are no good, and vice versa. again, they realize they got what they knew all along they were getting-and he/she won't change. then there are the unhappy people who think it's up to their spouse to make them so. mix in someone who thinks you HAVE to have somone to be happy-and bam, multiple marriage and divorce.
you have to find the right person for you. not the sort of right person, or the almost right, or she'd be ok if this happened person. just think, if they have things that bug you when you're dating--how the heck are you not going to be bugged by it when you're living together??
as for living together being the same-i disagree completely. that isn't a commitment. i don't think you should get married only to have kids-but if you are going to have kids, then you absolutely should be married. kids are best off being raised by two parents in a committed relationship.
and i don't think it's hard work like some say-it might be hard sometimes to bite your tongue when you want to say something rotten. just treat your husband like a king, he'll kill himself treating you like a queen!
|
I think the biggest thing you hit on here was people who expect their spouses to make them happy. Not the spouse's job; it's the individual's job.
BUT- I think there's also a danger in being too exacting in what you expect. Maybe there are some people out there who like every single thing their partners do, but most people I know (myself included) can list things their partners do that annoy them. But I don't know that any of these people (myself included) would change those things about their partners, either. I figure, you take the whole package, and the things that can get under your skin are often the things that help shape the things you like. To some extent, we all do settle, because no one is ever exactly everything you want- I don't think that could ever be found in a single person. Which is good- perfect is boring. But a lot of people can be everything one needs.
I don't believe in soul mates- I think there are any number of people who are "right" for each other, just each in a different way. And I think a lot has to do with timing- two dear friends are getting married now whom I think would not be had they started dating a year earlier- they met when they were both ready to be done dating.
AND- I think a lot of people really don't understand that the butterfly obsessive happy lust feeling doesn't last, and that it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the relationship. I have a friend with a lovely husband and baby who panicked because she developed a crush on a coworker. I had to tell her to stop freaking; she was married, not dead, and it's normal to get crushes. And that it would wear off. And it did, with no harm done.
I think the living together/not living together thing varies- I'm a fan of it, because, while we had a lovely, lovely wedding, afterwards, when people asked me if I felt different being married, I honestly said, "No."
What's the old saying? " Women marry men, hoping to change them. Men marry women, hoping they will never change. Both are inevitably disappointed."
That said, I like being married. It's really the original "friends with benefits," when you think about it.
