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Originally Posted by Downthestretch55
Mark,
I hope you don't mind me putting in my two pennies worth.
I've dealt with similar situations.
Yes, children need clearly defined structure (rules).
But by you placing yourself in the "authority" position, you win, your son loses, and, sorry to say, next time he sees a lapse, he'll be looking for a way to "beat" you so that he can have a sense of "winning".
Once this happens, it quickly becomes a "lose x lose"...you don't get what you want (disobedient son) and he doesn't get what he wants (authoritarian father).
So, allow me to suggest a way do find a better outcome...a "win x win".
It starts with communicating what you want (pick up stuff, eat food), and you son sharing what he will want so that if he pleases you (gives you a win), that he can get something positive. Let him say what it is, within reason.
Children interact in a positive environment where the adult is in control, but the child senses that this is in his best interest. Simply, it comes down to not demanding, but rather agreeing. Children really do want to contribute to the harmony within their families. They just have to see that it is in their interest to do so. It's "wanting" to do something rather than having that something demanded. It's up to the adult to create the attitude, cause, afterall, you're smarter, and you're the parent.
If you can find a book titled "Parent Effectiveness Training", it might be worth your time to read.
Good luck. If I can help you in any way, pm me and I'll give you my e-mail.
Wayne
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i disagree. the parent IS the authority. children need guidelines, and an adult willing to be the 'bad guy' to make sure kids do what is expected. there is reward for doing what your supposed to, and punishment when you don't. the last thing you should ever do however is make a rule, establish the risk if you don't follow, and then back off on the punishment. in other words, don't take back the punishment or cave in. you just took away your own authority.
also, never threaten a punishment you and your child knows full well isn't going to happen. for example, when my mother screamed if i didn't do such and such, she would kill me. obviously that wouldn't happen. i also find that a quiet firm voice works wonders, where screaming gets you nothing but a sore throat.