[Downthestretch55]

Mark,
I hope you don't mind me putting in my two pennies worth.
I've dealt with similar situations.
Yes, children need clearly defined structure (rules).
But by you placing yourself in the "authority" position, you win, your son loses, and, sorry to say, next time he sees a lapse, he'll be looking for a way to "beat" you so that he can have a sense of "winning".
Once this happens, it quickly becomes a "lose x lose"...you don't get what you want (disobedient son) and he doesn't get what he wants (authoritarian father).
So, allow me to suggest a way do find a better outcome...a "win x win".
It starts with communicating what you want (pick up stuff, eat food), and your son sharing what he will want so that if he pleases you (gives you a win), that he can get something positive. Let him say what it is, within reason.
Children interact in a positive environment where the adult is in control, but the child senses that this is in his best interest. Simply, it comes down to not demanding, but rather agreeing. Children really do want to contribute to the harmony within their families. They just have to see that it is in their interest to do so. It's "wanting" to do something rather than having that something demanded. It's up to the adult to create the attitude, cause, afterall, you're smarter, and you're the parent.
If you can find a book titled "Parent Effectiveness Training", it might be worth your time to read.
Good luck. If I can help you in any way, pm me and I'll give you my e-mail.
Wayne