one-liners
 

I'm going to the racebook in AC on Friday. Need a few good one-liners to amuse the total strangers that will be sitting next to me. I'll start it off with an oldie but a goodie:

My horse came home so late, he had to tiptoe back into the barn.

The best line is this....

The race finishes 5-7-9. Then yell out--Man, those are my numbers. I play them all the time.

EB...the correct pronunciation is "Dem's my numba's"...get it right:D

I like....."The longshot I bet on was so slow that he went off at 20 to one and came home at a quarter after two."

When you hit a big winner, tell the guy next to you, "You would have had that one too if you read Derby Trail."

If somebody snezzes really loud,quickly yell "SEE A DOCTOR."

Man, you are so correct. How could I have screwed that line up. Thanks brother.

One of GPK's favorites...be that annoying guy that yells "stop the race" before they even reach the quarter pole.

at times, the person will go into more detail

"Dems my numbas....dats my mommas birthday...I always play her birthday"

no sh*t...especially in a 1 1/4 race on the grass. I normally end up telling the ******* he can take a nap before the race is over.

Isn't it fun on the phone when Kev's yelling... "Get up there 4! Come on 4! Get up! Get up! Get up!"

I mean Christ... we like him to "get up" and all, but hehe... :D

I don't know, I never answer.

When I do I get "who's the best grass horse in N.A." and I respond "Gorella"

"that frigging jock ..he beats me every time"..lol..or the best of all..

q. how did you do today....a. i broke even..lmfao

Thank God I'm not the only one that doesn't get an answer. :p

I always answered Cacique. :D

that always deserves a GFY

The full line is "I broke even. Thank God...I needed the money."