The ClydeVivor Oaks/Derby SightyPooKins Benefit Contest
 

We're Back.............................:D


Contest rules to follow (as soon as I write them).

Prizes include:
1. The best selling masterpiece "I Am Baffert". This book will answer the age old question "Who is Baffert"?
2. Morty's Handicapping Guide of 4/7 ZC's.
3. A $100 donation in winner's name to our very own SightyPooKin's benefit (C'mon guys. Let's reach that $5000 goal!)
4. Surprise Gift Basket
5. Just added! A weekend getaway at the lovely Martha Vineyard estate owned by the Belmonts (such wonderful people). You will fly first class in Morty's Canadian Spaceship. Drinks and peanuts served by our own MMSC.

Contest will include Oaks and Derby days.

What if the winner of the weekend getaway has nut allergies? :D

Then Pilot Morty will serve his infamous Hershey chocolates instead.

My esteemed Nerdy Trailers:

Thank you for the gracious honor of being in charge of the nuts. I am deeply moved.

Now do you want each in a little starting gate with a saddle cloth and a jockey made of a smaller nut or something more like this...



Before anyone asks yes I already know if I make Derby horse and jockey nuts and the jockeys are smaller nuts I will make sure Calvin Borel's shell is emply.

Authenticity and all!

... or oh wait! Ah know!

Can I please pay homage to the orcas (Sighty loves the orcas so even though it's not Derby related it IS Sighty related!!!).

I can make each one black and white and in a little tank and then when you eat them you can release them... unless Danzig is playing (is this for made members only?). Since she disagrees with me (I think!) (and not in a mean way Danzig and I do hope you're okay with all the tornadoes and stuff) hers can stay in the tank.. hell I can add some string and draw evil trainers and hers can do sad tricks that will make the children happy. :(

Okay now ah am depressed but yes I wanna play too.

Was gonna start capping but now what with all the stress over the nut situation I think I will check on my other charity work. (Not on this board).

If anyone has extra white power though I am trying to raise a few extra pounds of it for Mr. Hammond so he look... well like how he always does on Derby day.





Anyhoo Luvs happy Derby week.

Can't wait to play!

:D Hammond could be cast in the remake of the Scarlet Pimpernel.

Will MMSC be appropriately Beulah Thread attired while serving the nuts..errrr I mean refreshments?

:tro:

Shouldn't we find out more about this contest of which they speak before we decide on what I'm wearing whilst holding your nuts? :p

Depends. I may be more interested in the latter than the former.








:D

I shall leave it up to MMSC to decide how to handle said "nuts".

Contest rules are as follows:

Friday pick 1 horse in the 11 non Oaks races. You will be awarded any winnings for WP or S.
The Oaks, you may pick 3 fillies and will be awarded exacta and tri amounts.

If you are having difficulty handicapping the Oaks (and getting your mind off your nuts), our esteemed handicapping expert, Mortimer, will be along shortly with his fine selections.

The orcas are behooved!

> your cards, Sir...


Thank you Ms. Dupa.

Let us do the KENTUCKY OAKY.



(I begin.That's not a horsey.I'm saying that I begin.)






1—Please Explain


OK....I think you are water buffalo in a horsey suit.

Happy?



crinkle....


trash can






2—Ria Antonia


I think I saw this one on SmutWorld.

She wore all kinds of leather straps and was nude.She DID a horsey!!



no




crinkle....


trash can






3—Sugar Shock


Brown Sugah was her exercise rider and that's how she got diabetes.

Insulin is an illegal drug in horsey racing.Isn't it? Ah dunno.


ANYWAYS!....


crinkle....


trash can






4—Rosalind

keepah!






5—Thank You Marylou


Should it not be Hello Mary Lou?

Doesn't matter.


crinkle....


trash can






6—Kiss Moon


eeeee-u!!!!

No way!


crinkle....


trash can






7—Fashion Plate

keepah-keepah!!






8—Aurelia's Belle


I think EightBelles' number in the KD was 8.

In deference to that wonderful horsey....I will just put this one as a ''probably not".






9—Unbridled Forever


Oh mine GOT!!!!



KEEPAH-KEEPAH-KEEPAH-KEEPAH!!!!!!!!






10—Empress of Midway


"I hate the elite."

Said nuff.



crinkle.....


trash can






11—My Miss Sophia


I don't think anyone's sofa should be in a horsey race.

I may have misread the name....oh well.


crinkle....


trash can






12—Got Lucky

You think you're lucky;wait until you see who got the 13 hole.



crinkle....


trash can






13—Untapable


Well,well,well.

Lucky Miss 13.

You're untappable for a reason....you high class snobby bitch.




whiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!










1....UnbrideldForever
2....FashionPlate
3....Rosiland

That would be yer 9-7-4



There ya go.

i have to wizz

I'll take Battle Tale, and then in the Oaks I'll take 4-6-13

Please refrain.

Perhaps I did not explain the rules clearly enough-you may pick 1 horse in each of the other 11 races. Oaks is the exotics.

If I recall, weren't you the one who thinks losing is actually winning???:D

I thought I already won :D


anywho, ok now I get it. All 12 races?, that seems like a lot of work.

Morty's Friday picks:

R1....#2,Cookie
R2....#4,LadyMargarita
R3....#5,FalseClock
R4....#11,PlayItLoud
R5....#4,MagicUnion
R6....#2,UnDrafted
R7....#6,Annoy
R8....#7,FiftyShadesOfGold
R9....#9,ALittleBitSassy
R10..#2,WillTakeCharge
R11..#9,UnbridledForever----9-7-4 boxed
R12..#12,SecretJourney

Pick by name or number. You don't actually think we handicap these seriously???:zz:

race 1 #1 In Haste (do we have to use these in a sentence also?:D)
race 2 #3 Call to Action (i have to wizz again)
race 3 #6 Battle Tale
race 4 #8 Piceance
race 5 #6 On Fire Baby
race 6 #6 Positive Side
race 7 #1 Thunder Road (I know, I did that on purpose)
race 8 #3 Designer Legs ( hope so, she looks like crap on paper)
race 9 #6 A little Bit Sassy :{>::{>:
Race 10 #1 Moonshine Mullen
race11 #6#4#11
race 12 #11 French Press

Wait a minute ah am confused... did Herkie already win? :(

R1 - 6 Jamaican Smoke
R2 - 7 Senior Prom
R3 - 3 Flipcup
R4 - 2 Song to You
R5 - 6 On Fire Baby
R6 - 6 Positive Side
R7 - 12 Express Model
R8 - 8 Mufajaah
R9 - 4 Candy Kitty
R10 - 8 Appealing Tale
R11 - 5 Thank You Marylou - 9 Unbridled Forever - 13 Untapable
R12 - 8 Taketheodds

R1 - 4 Irish Lute I like da Lute
R2 - 7 Senior Prom
R3 - 3 Flipcup
R4 - 2 Song to You
R5 - 5 Devil's Cave
R6 - 3 Storm of the Century I can smell the rain coming.....
R7 - 6 Annoy
R8 - 10 She's a Tiger grrrr....
R9 - 4 Candy Kitty meow......
R10 - 2 Will Take Charge no matter, I lose bettin on him or against him :rolleyes:
R11 -4 Roz, 7 Fish Plate, 13 Unstapable
R12 - 8 Taketheodds

Good luck on your trip!!

R1 - Cookie

R2 - Centella

R3 - Run Hide My Girl

R4 - Dramedy

R5 - On Fire Baby

R6 - Marchman

R7 - Southern Honey

R8 - She's a Tiger

R9 - Little Journey

R10 - Golden Ticket

R 11 - Rosalind
ex/tri boxes - Rosalind, Ria Antonia, Aurelia's Belle

R12 - Toy Land

Still looking at races 3, 4 and 9 but wanted to have something here incase ah forget!

What a fun contest! Can I use my advanced tool?

1 - #7 Brazen Persuasion
2 - #3 Call to Action
3 - #7 She's Justified :{>:
4 - #5 City Connect
5 - #3 Unlimited Budget
6 - #8 Sum of the Parts
7 - #5 Soul Title
8 - #10 She's a Tigger
9 - #4 Candy Kitty
10 - #2 Will Take Charge
11 - #3 Sugar Shock, #9 Unbridled Forever, #13 Untapable
12 - #10 Dream of Bertie
:D

Well hell-O there. :p :{>:

As long as we don't get a detailed description of said tool, yes. Use it wisely.;)

This will be addressed shortly.

From Mortimer:

If you wouldn't mind:


I want BeefHerky disqualified for 2 infractions:


1....Whizzing without permission.

2....Touting how he has already lost before any contest race has run.

Per me (the rule maker):

Mr. H. Horse may continue to play. His early bird prize is a porta-potty which will be delivered shortly. Please confine your wizzing to said potty.

Mortimer has added to this:


1. The best selling masterpiece "I Am Baffert". This book will answer the age old question "Who is Baffert"?
(Hint as to the author: I am also an alchemist.)
2. Morty's Handicapping Guide of 4/7 ZC's.
( Be the first to find out why the #2 was dropped to the fourth position and replaced by the #9!)
3. A $100 donation in winner's name to our very own SightyPooKin's benefit (C'mon guys. Let's reach that $5000 goal!)
( Uhm,will that be coming from Nincompoop?)
4. Surprise Gift Basket
( CLYDE INSIDE!!!!)
5. Just added! A weekend getaway at the lovely Martha Vineyard estate owned by the Belmonts (such wonderful people). You will fly first class in Morty's Canadian Spaceship. Drinks and peanuts served by our own MMSC.
(Ned and Hydra will be on board telling gross rich people jokes.Side note: If you are allergic to peanuts----tough.Get your own Hershey bar.)

Welcome to the party! And remember, cheating is not only allowed but also encouraged.:D

My Friday picks:
1. Irish Lute (YAY IRISH!)
2. Call To Action
3. Tiz Windy
4. Play It LOUD!!!!!!!!!!
5. Molly Morgan
6. Marchman
7. Ireland (AGAIN, YAY IRISH!)
8. In honor of my favorite aunt-Our Amazing Rose
9. A Little Bit Sassy
10. Will Take Charge
11. Unbridled Forever, Untapable, Please Explain
12.Toy Land

Yet another message from Morty:

Tapiture has been scratched from the derby.

(Only trying to scare the dickens out of SightyPoo.She doesn't know how to read inside of parenthesis.)


Also....My rented Canadian Spaceship will not be available since my check bounced.....whoa!!.....no, I meant since it is in for emergency brake replacement.

Instead, the winner will be chauffeured in comfort and grand style via the Starship.

Finally, I think Old Wuffie is not cheating.This serious charge should be investigated.Or, to save precious time.....I suggest he be removed.

Last finally, Mr. Hasp----the creator and Big Cheese of this contest failed to greet you properly;so I will:


Bad Luck and Worst Wishes!!

Old Wuffie will also continue to play (per me!). The best cheaters are never caught cheating.
Let that be a lesson to all.:$:

You suck! :p

Oh alright :D. For MMSC's benefit-please describe your tool in great detail. Photos appreciated.

:tro:

tell Morty the dew is on the moor. and I have to wizz

Morty sees all!








Well maybe not the whizzing part (I hope)