Celeb Matches
 

Well, now that Brittany (OOps! I did it again) and KFed have gone their seperate ways, and Sir Paul and the lovely Heather M are splitsville, I think they should just swap 'em. Yup, Mz Speares and Sir Paul (if he's willing to move off the estate and to the La trailer park) and KFed with Heather M, causes the ex-Mrs McCarney will be getting a nice settlement and it seems that Mr Fed, if he hitches to her wagon, won't have to bother the next Mrs Sir Paul (Britt) for support. Perhaps his musical "career" will go better for him if he transplants across the pond, as it doesn't seem to be catching fire here in the states.

Now, another match that seems to be "right"...
Markie-boy Foley and Kenny ("God guy") Haggert. Seems like a natural.
Since they met on the mountain trail outside of Boulder (rumor has it),
when Markie-boy was leading a hike for reunited pages, and Kenny (I buy meth but throw it away) was leading a "youth group" of up-and-comers, and they traded eyelid flutters...well, this might happen...especially after they met up with that nasty grizzly bear, Hastert, and tossed him off the cliff.
Kenny to the rescue.

After the hike, a beautiful "picnic" was provided by Ms Britt for the lucky survivors. KFed wasn't invited and Sir Paul couldn't make it. They missed out on some tastey pork jowls and craw dads.
Pass, the gumbo.

More matches tomorrow.

What a day! What a headache!
Don't know why my head was throbbing, but since I don't use medications, I figured I'd walk on over to the pharmacy and buy some Bayer aspirin.
I picked some up and was walking toward the counter, and who should be standing there, arm in arm, waiting to get their counterfeit prescriptions filled?
Take a minute and guess... go ahead.
If you guessed Courney Love and Rush Limbaugh, you might win the "pill bottle award".
Do I know what will come from this coupling?
Of course not.
From the dazed look in their eyes, they're either deeply smitten or coming down quickly before the "shakes" set in.
Anyway, best of luck to these drug-birds, oops, love birds.

btw...my headache is much better...two bayers did the trick.

Oh, speaking of tricks...does anyone know who the lovely dish seen on Rich Cheney's arm is? Did you see them at the deli too? How could they eat that much balogna?

Pass the cold cuts

Just got back from the grocery store.
Didn't know I'd find this bit of juicy gossip near the instant potatoes. Right next to the Uncle Ben's converted rice (hey...don't ask me, I didn't know what religion they were before).
Anyway, I had just put the Pillsbury doughboy into the bottom of the cart, right next to Hungry Jack (gosh, they looked good together), and who should come strolling down the aisle, filling their cart with mashed potatoes, gravy!!! Whooooo!
If you guessed Little Richard, you are correct....
and his current love interest???
You won't believe it!
Condaleeza Rice! (Hey, I gave you a clue above).
Yup! Right there between the oatmeal and the Italian breadcrumbs.

Well, I left them to their shopping while I did mine.
We met up again at the "check-out". They were in front of me.
And who do you think comes behind me?
You'll never guess.
Picture a shopping cart filled with beef. Right! Big red meat! A couple of bags of pork rinds. That's it.
If you guessed Mike Tyson and his current babe, Starr Jones....DING! DING!
Maybe you get a rib-eye. How did Starr get that purple one? OWWWCH!
Anger management might be in the works.

More tomorrow. I'll be tailing Mel Gibson and let you know what I find out.

pass the roasted beef

Lucky day!!!
More juicey!

I swung by "Lenny's famous Bar an' Grill" for a cold one and who do I see sitting at the bar, crying in each other's beer.
Unbelievable...I couldn't make this up.
(well, actually I do)

Anyway, there at the bar, crying alligator tears into their bud draughts are none other than Katherine (hanging chad) Harris, and John (put my foot in my mouth again) Kerry. Kissin' and making up like there's no tomorrow. My guess is that there isn't.

Pass the beer nuts.

Went to the bagel shop for my morning carbs and who should I spy?
Mel (I own Malibu) Gibson with his new love interest, Madeline Albright.
Looks like this match will have lots of "passion".

Pass the lox.

With all this talk about "draining the swamp", I decided to take a walk to have a look for myself. What do I discover but a little green guy named Kermit, totally despondent about the prospect of losing his home. At least Joda was there trying to console him.
Well, Kermie and I got talkin' about blondes we've been around and he told me the tale of where his departed "love interest" had fled to.
Seems she went to Florida and has recently been seen with a guy that's had a "thing" for blondes for a while. He asked me if I remembered what happened to the beautiful Nicole. Then the tears welled up in the little green guy's eyes. Very sad.
They've been spotted sipping mamosas from the same glass at a posh golf course near Miami. His hand even seemed to be probing beneath her designer gown. Oh my!
If you haven't figured by now, I'll pass this on...
Yup! OJ Simpson and Miss Piggy.
It's looking like this "glove" will fit and there won't be an acquit.
Be careful Miss P! This guy could be dangerous.

pass the orange juice.

Wowser! Wowser! Wowser!

Decided to take a drive this afternoon. The danged steering wheel kept going to the right. I'd set it to go straight, and sure enough, it start swerving to the right.
Well, I'm drivin' down this mountain road, trying to keep to the center, fight the right-going steering wheel, radio blasting a Dixie Chick's song, and what do I see on the right shoulder of the road? A blond lady, soaked to the skin from the rain, hair all drooping down, with her thumb stuck out like she needs a ride somewhere. So, of course, the wheel grabs itself out of my hands and, you guessed it, veers over to the right...right to the right side of that road.
Heck, I wasn't even thinking of giving her a ride, but here she comes, runnin' up the right side of the road. What could I do?
Well, tryin' to be polite (cause that's the way I was raised), I push the button to let the passenger side window down. She jumps right in!
OK, now I was a bit rattled. So I ask, where you going?
She didn't say a word. Just sat there.
So, I say, what's your name?
And the wet blond says, Anne Coulter.
Uh huh.
I pull back onto the road and start to drive off.
Out of the bushes, this guy jumps into the back of the pick-up!
I'm a bit spooked by this, so I ask Anne, do you know him?
She says, yes.
Now I'm a little curious about this guy, looking like a drowned Captain Kangaroo in the bed of the pick-up, so I ask, who is he?
She says, John Bolton....the UN guy.
OK, I say.
And where might both of you be going?
With a silly look on that wet blond face, she says, "nowhere".
I guess she was right, cause when they went to get something inside the convenience store while I was gassin' up, I drove off before they came back.
I've gotta get that right turning steering wheel checked.
I hope Anne and John figure out where there going, but nowhere seems about right.

pass the gas

The "tabloid news" continues....
What the heck is going on with this?
Did my eyes deceive or was that really Bill (no spin zone) O'Reilly and his new babe, Martha Stewart signing a triple x dvd from Block Buster in line in front of me when I was waiting to ring up my "Dreamer" choice?
Sure, I must admit that I followed them on their "errands" to Frederick's where Martha made a nice purchase on a transparent "naughty", but frankly, I had no idea...none...no spin. XXX!

If anyone "across the pond" has an inside, can you confirm if there's anything to the Margaret Thatcher, Rosie O'Donnell, Gary Coleman "love triangle" story that seems to be on its way? Are these two beauties really going to "duke it out" over "him"?
Your info would be appreciated.

I'm putting in the dvd.

Pass the cheese doodles.

YIKES!!!
Fed-ex is shopping the video...OH MY!
OOOPS! She did it again.
For those that think I'm making this up...have a look...
http://www.playfuls.com/news_0000162...o_Sell_It.html

Pass the lolli-pops

I can't confirm this one, but if anyone living in Chi-town can find out, might help to "put the rubber where it meets the road", if ya know what I mean.
Is there really something going on with John McCain and Oprah Winfrey?
I know you folks live in a "windy city".
Where's that "windy" blowin'?
I'll stay tuned and hope you get back to the "tabloid news".

pass the kabasi

Still more tabloid news today!
Congrats to Gerald R (give me a pardon) Ford on his longevity record.
http://www.boston.com/news/nation/ar...for_longevity/
I sure hope that when he's back from the taxidermists, the "real" story about the NancyXGerry, RonnieXBetty swap fest will be revealed.
Lets just put their "mounts" in the Lincoln bedroom where it all "happened".
Should bring plenty of "tourists" to the White House tour.
Big boost for the DC visitor's center.

pass the moth balls.

Just when I thought the "tabloid news" had done enough for today, here comes Whitney Houston again. I don't care about Bobby Brown.
My best guess is that he'll be doing time somewhere.
Does anyone know if she's really going with Sean Hannity?
I'm intrigued.
Any "news" is good "news". All that fits, and all that stuff.
Let me know what you find.
Here's for starters.......
http://www.boston.com/news/nation/ar...for_longevity/

btw, anyone know anything about Barbara Bush and Fabio?

pass the butter

Holy cow! Holy something!
Say it ain't so Jerry!
For sure, I've been fooled by "Lola" before, but just tell me Mr Falwell, Liberty University guy, Rev Jerry Falwell...
puleezzze tell me there's no truth behind the "talk" about you and Boy George.
Golly! Holy cow!
I thought you could have done better.
Boy George was picking up trash as "community service" a few weeks ago.
Not that his sins shouldn't go unpunished, and he sure sings some hot ones, if ya know what I mean. Sure, he still looks good, even in that orange suit.
Just let me know that it ain't so.
Really, Jerry F. ??? Boy George???
You've gotta be kiddin'!!
I hope there's no truth to this!
I'm outraged!

pass the collection plate

Gosh, hate to interrupt the "conversation" going on here, but I just had to. :p

Cajun,
Do you have some "juicey" to contribute to the tabloid thread?

Pass the water, we're all a bit thirsty.

Looks like Joe Lieberman is switching political parties.
Wonder what Laura did to bring this about. Could she? Did she?
I'll be looking for the answers.
Eww! I get the "creeps" just thinking about the "sacrifices" that have been made. And I mean MADE!
Tell me it ain't so.
Did it start with the extra time spent slurpin' raw clams at that seafood joint?
Ya know, Momma Lou's Sushi, Clams and Oysters.
Who would've thought this turn of events started on a half shell?
Crack 'em open, slurp, slurp.
Laura, I can't really blame ya. I know you wake up every morning trying to get the loser over the line, anyway you can.
Heck, you even taught him how to read children's books.
Just tell me it ain't so, Laura. You always seemed like the sweet one.

pass the lemon

There's good news and bad news.
Laura wasn't beaten for showing her loyalty.
That's the good news.
As regards waking up tomorrow morning in the same "king sized" bed in the upper chambers of the White House, not certain about that at all.
Perhaps someone will be showing up in Crawford to make acquaintances with his favorite ewe in the very near future.
That's the bad news for Ms Bah bah. If this is true at all.
I doubt that it is.
I'd never make such a claim.
I won't even assert that the "honeymoon" will happen on a "swift boat" somewhere. It probably won't. Fleecy moon over the bay, NOT!

I just hope these two work it all out to the very best out cum.

pass the lamb chops, mint jelly too!

What the heck is going on?
Does anyone know anything about Karl (I make up stories) Rove and Helen (I ask hard, hard questions)Thomas?
Are there any truthful answers here?
Can we follow Karl's lead and make up ficticious stories or is Helen really going to get the lickin' she so richly deserves?
Let's just spread 'em wide and savor the deliciousness of the sudden, (OH! OH!, More!) moment.
If anyone can cum up with the skinny (or fat) on Karl and Helen, I'd sure like to know.
Let's be truthful here.

pass the ketsup

It's a slow day today. S - L - O - W ....

But some of you might be interested in the subject of telephone poles.
If you are, you'll have to read this article.

http://www.contracostatimes.com/mld/...a/16007904.htm

Speaking of phones, does anyone know the 900 number that Elton John is alleged to be calling and breathing heavily into his receiver?
Is it really Richard Simmons on the other end of the "line"?
If you get the "skinny" on this, let us know....and not too slow.

pass the ringer

In the news...OJ (if I did it) Simpson, will be saying how he would do it if he did it. The 3.5 million book deal could've figured.

http://people.aol.com/people/article...559687,00.html

Be very careful Miss Piggy. Very careful. This guy knows about pig skin.
I'd hate to see you show up in an Oscar Meyer wrapper.

pass the football.

Naomi, Naomi, Naomi...
Looking demure in her grey dress with the bow today, looks like she could be close to a "deal".
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599...9-1702,00.html
Now, if the beauty Ms Cambell really does hook up with Mr Bobby Knight, watch for all kinds of things to fly though the air. Chairs, phones???
I'm guessin' even the goldfish won't be safe. The poodle will be taking his chances hiding under the sofa.

pass the "hot" sauce...tie everything else down.

Naughty beauty queens...OOOPS!
Let's match em with those that would appreciate.
http://dir.salon.com/story/people/sa...als/index.html

pass the nekid Barbie

Jacko (The Thrilla) seems to have fallen "flat on his face" (what ever happened to that?) in London last night. My guess is that he'll be in negotiations with the Walmart Smiley Guy for a face transplant soon.

http://music.guardian.co.uk/pop/stor...949552,00.html

Coming soon is a real comic match up. Rumors haven't been confirmed but it seems that Planter's "Mr. Peanut" has been seen in the parlor with Miss Betty
Boop. Boo Boop E Doop!

Pass the lipstick and mascara.

Now that Pope Benedict is thinking about marriage, I wonder who the likely "nun" will be. This little story might make some good juice.
Do you think Madonna will leave Kabala to be by his side? What's to become of Guy and the new baby David?
His time seems to be running out. Not much more time to sew those wild oats, if ya know what I'm sayin'.
Or maybe Pope B has eyes for Theresa Heinze (John Kerry's current). Hey, they speak the same language after all.
Stay tuned... this could be a reason to show up at Mass.
http://today.reuters.com/news/articl...1-ArticlePage2

Pass the bread

Speaking of nuns, it looks like Robert Brown, Deputy US Attorney in Denver, has been exchanging words with three sisters lately.
I'll pray for Robert Brown as well.

http://www.commondreams.org/views06/1116-24.htm

pass the "canned goods"

Big party coming! No way of really knowing since I wasn't invited.
Just that it seems that the location will be in the lower chambers, you know... downstairs.
Seems like the party will be a way for Dem and Repub leaders to get to know each other.
Is it true that Teddy K will be making the first fifteen toasts?
Is Kay Bailey H really going to let him drive her home?
Ya best buckle up and practice your breast stroke.
Breast strokes are ok with me, but Kay Babe, you might want to think about this before getting in beside him. Mary Jo K learned the hard way.
Hope that he makes the Patomic bridge, and if he doesn't, you can bet he knows how to swim, even after twenty tequila shots.
Hope you can too Kay Babe. Once ya hit the water, you're on your own.
Cheers!

pass a life ring

Jessica???
What are you thinking?????
Are you really going to dump me for that Tony guy???
Why couldn't you just call me and tell me???
Did I really need to find this on the internet?
What are you thinking, Biatch?
Yeah, I'm devastated Jess babe, and I'll forgive you and take you back.
You have lots of 'splainin' to do.
What IS this, Jess? Over?
Did I need to find out like this????

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/200...scene/?cnn=yes

pass the pimple cream (to the "heart-breaker)
UHHH!

DTS: Ted Casablanca has nothing to worry about!

Tomkat news...
Oprah out, Brooke in...

http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au...9-2703,00.html

Make sure you put the lifts in your shoes Tom.
Good luck Katie.
Brooke...pass the anti-depressants

Kirstie Alley deserves a donut or four for trimming herself down from 219 to 164. Though my guess is that she's way past the "Cheers" looker days, seems that Denny Hastert isn't having a problem climbing into the "hot tub" with her. Talk about a "hot tub"!
Denny H's only complaint is that she should go back to shaving her legs.
He's not pushing her to do the armpits yet, as their relationship is "new".
His words were that those legs looked like the Great Barrier Reef with the seaweed undulating under the bubbles.
Kirstie, find the razor..ya hot tubbie girl.

http://people.aol.com/people/gallery...144532,00.html

pass the nair

I couldn't possibly make this up.
Mike Tyson and Heidi Fleiss have joined forces.
"Bad Boy" Mike will be in the employ of Heidi at her stud farm in Nevada.
http://www.13thround.com/richb11_17.htm

Today's match is Mike Tyson and any babe with the bucks for his "services".
Ear chewing is extra. Ladies, remove your earrings first, please. His teeth are in sorry shape.

Where's Buster Douglas when we need him?

pass the whipped cream and ear wax.

Now that Tom and Kate are setting the world afire in Italy with their 2.5 million wedding extravaganza, speculation about their pre-nup that Kate's dad wrote are all over the place.
http://today.reuters.com/news/articl...1-ArticlePage3

The question remains..."Where are they going on their honeymoon?"
The "buzz" is that there are down to two choices, and the Paparazzi are booking flights and taking their chances.
Looks like 73% are headed to Newark, NJ. 27% are booking to Des Moines, Iowa.
So, either way, wave to them as their motorcade "cruises" past.

pass either the fried chicken or the corn-on-the-cob.

Looks like Rupe is in the soup...
Sure, we know that he's had the hots for Judith Regan since she got over her "abuse issues" and brought OJ's interview his way.
Hey, anything for ratings, right? Foxx shows desperation in this love fest.
Seems like this won't be a manage a trois, but rather a manage a quatre,
Rupert M, Bill O'Reilly, Geraldo Rivera, and the lovely Judith R.
They're fightin' over her!
Who gets sloppy seconds? Nasty thirds?
I can't hazzard a guess, but when the dvd comes out, it sure will boost Foxx's fortunes. Not much else has lately.

http://www.nydailynews.com/front/sto...p-397610c.html

pass the pop corn. Judith, you might need to buy a few extra condoms.
EWW!

Now that the white smoke has appeared at the top of the castle announcing, not a new pope, but a new "union", seems that all that jumpin' on Oprah's couch should've been recognized. Tommy, didn't she tell ya how to bell the Kat? Why the snub? Didn't ya want her to send ya some nice new pots and pans as your wedding gift? Did you want some of those "pot holders" instead?
http://www.dnaindia.com/report.asp?NewsID=1064860

Best of luck to both newlyweds. Kate, you might need to watch your "language". Rose petals won't cover them.
Is it Newark or Des Moines?
Many have booked their flights and time is limited for cancellations.
Kate, is it true that tonight's "outfit" includes elbow length black gloves and
black fishnets? What's with the leather chaps?

Anyway, have fun "lovers". Oprah will forgive after a while. You probably will cook something up with out her anyway.
Is this going to be a private release again, or a firster for the "new" United Artists?

pass the caviar

Christie and Peter are apart.
Peter, take the 25 million and the 19yo...
Hey, something doesn't land in your lap (excuse the pun) too often.
Christie, now that you're making the rounds, I hope you find the right guy.
You're still a beauty despite what Peter did to your self-esteem.
Since Jessica dumped me, I've been going through similar issues.
Maybe we could work out together sometime.

http://www.nationalenquirer.com/celebrity/63707

pass the smiles

Charlie Crist and Jeb Bush....hmmmmmm..

I'm not saying that Jeb isn't "pretty". Heck, when he puts on the white wig and that size 28 flowered print dress, he kinda looks a lot like mommy Barbara.
Maybe a bit prettier.
So when Charlie's "orientation" was called into question, guess who came to the defense? Well, you just have to read it.
http://blogs.tampabay.com/buzz/2006/...y_time_in.html

pass the perfume

Kramer, Kramer, Kramer????
Are you really the Michael Richards that was so good on Seinfeld?
Do I comb my hair like you? Do I leave my shirt untucked?
Michael, you used to be someone I looked to for the "sanity".
Sure, the drive on the FDR putting down the highway cones was funny.
Sure, making George pay time after time was plenty good.
But, HEY! I had no idea. NONE!
You've got some 'splainin' to do buddy.
I'm matching you with Aretha Franklin. She'll be whuppin' your skinny bottom while singing her song...R-E-S-P-E-C-T !!!
Get it Michael?
Now bend over and accept the whuppin' you've earned with your racial comments.
http://www.playfuls.com/news_0003381...acist_Row.html

Pass the vasoline after you wipe some where ya sit

Good news!
During the stop over in Hawaii on the flight back from Viet Nam, Dubbya made a reunion with his long lost brother.
Seems that Laura was away for a quickie "hula lesson" (wink, wink), and lonely boy Dubbya had heard that the "brother we don't talk about" was living nearby. So, despite Bonzo's protests of meeting his presidential brother, the secret service was insistant. Bonzo wasn't happy at all, but after the photos were taken, the family resemblance couldn't be denied.
Many hugs were fondly exchanged by the long lost brothers at their parting.
So, today's match are the two brothers, one famous, one infamous.
Here are the photos:
http://www.bushorchimp.com/pics.html

pass the bananas

Kelly, Rosie and Clay

Well, Kelly Ripa, peroxide babe that you are, it seems that you over reacted about having Clay put his filthy hand over your botox lips. Was there really a need to "out" him? Did you think of all the housewife fans that lust for him?
Seems that a lot of hearts have been broken, by you Kelly.
Even Rosie thought you were out of line, and you know how credible she is!
So, today's celeb match is going to take place at the Motel Six, on Rt.4, just over the Geo Washington on the Jersey side.
Kelly, Rosie and Clay.
Rosie, bring your junk food. (LOTS)
Clay, bring your favorite beverage (wink).
And Kelly, if you're really looking to have a fun time, bring your vibrator.

http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/a...611220391/1046

pass the batteries

Another great match came along today.
Seems that Barbara Bush (the twin daughter) had her purse snatched.
It was probably empty, cause we all know how tight daddy is, and he's empty too.
Anyway, the Secret Service that was given the task of protecting one of the "first daughters" let their knickers slip. My guess is that the guy needed to use the "Men's Room" after all the brewskies, but who knows...
Greg Pitts, head travel agent of the White House made plenty of sputterings.
Speaking of sputterings, the Honolulu Police Department's motorcycle "thrill team" deserves credit for their expert driving. They might have taken motor cycle riding lessons from Evil Kneival. "Where's the Snake River Canyon gonna end?" And "Where's the ripcord for my f'n parachute?"
So, another match for today, daughter Barbara (purseless), and Slick Fingered
Jack Abramoff...a match made in heaven, or the other place.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article...466680,00.html

pass a motorcycle to George Daddy Dubbya Bush, and three more to the Honolulu Police Dept...vrooom vrooom!