Joke of the Day
 

Feel free to add yours.


A teacher is explaining biology to her 4thgrade
students. "Human beings are the only animals that
stutter", she says.

A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who
stuttered", she volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these
stories could become, asked the girl to describe the
incident.

"Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my
kitty and the Rottweiler who lives next door got a
running start and before we knew it, he jumped over
the fence into our yard!

"That must've been scary",said the teacher.

"It sure was", said thelittle girl. "My kitty went
'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say
"F**k," the Rottweiler ate him!"

That was hilarious.

Teasing the Gorilla



A man and his wife are at the zoo. As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large, hairy gorilla. Noticing her, the gorilla starts bouncing around his cage. He jumps up on the bars and, holding on with one hand, grunts and pounds his chest.

The husband, finding this funny, suggests that his wife tease the poor primate. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom at him, and play along. She does, and the gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would raise the dead. Then, the husband suggests that she let one of the straps to her dress fall to show a bit more skin.

She does and Mr. Gorilla nearly tears the bars down. “Now, lift your dress up to your thighs and sort of fan it at him,” says the man. She does, driving the gorilla absolutely crazy to the point at which he starts doing flips.

Then, the husband grabs his wife, throws open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and slams the cage door shut.

“Now tell HIM you have a headache.”

Involuntary Muscular Contractions

A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."

That was good.
How do we know men invented maps?




Who else would make an inch into a mile?

I was in line at the grocery store picking up a bag of dog food for my dogs when the lady behind me asks, "Do you have a dog?" "No", I said, "I'm on the dog food diet." "Dog food diet, what's that?" she asked. I said "Whenever I leave the house, I fill both pockets with dog food and when i get hungry i just reach in and eat two pieces of food. The last time I was on this diet I lost 50 pounds, but I ended up in the hospital." "Oh no!", she said, "was the food poisoned?" I told her, "No, I was laying in the middle of the road licking my balls when a car hit me!!"

There were 2 Zebras walking down the road and younger Zebra was losing sleep wondering if they were black with white strips or white with black strips. He asked his friend and he didn't know, but suggested that he try to ask God before he went to sleep at night. Well weeks went by with no answer to the question. Then one morning the young Zebra told his friend that in his dream last night that he was talking to God and asked if they were black with white strips or white with black strips? The young Zebra said the answer confused him because God just said "you are what you are".

His elder friend said that's your answer we are white with black strips!

The younger Zebra asked him to please explain why.

Well if we were black with white strips God would of said " you is what you is"

THE DONKEY AUCTION

A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an
old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next
day.

The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some
bad news, the donkey died."

Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey."

The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"

Kenny, "I'm going to raffle him off."

Farmer, " You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

Kenny, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead."

A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened
with that dead donkey?"

Kenny, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece
and made a profit of $998.00."

Farmer, "Didn't anyone complain?"

Kenny, " Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."

Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron.

The Lonely Frog

A lonely frog, desparate for any form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future has in store.

His Personal Psychic Advisor advises him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?"

"No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class."

Buying a Horse....

A guy calls his buddy the horse rancher and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.
The buddy says,"how will I recognize him?"
"That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment"
So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.
"A female horth."
So he shows him a prized filly.
"Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth"?
So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.
"Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth"?
So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.
"Nith earzth. can I see her mouf"? The rancher is gettin pretty pissed off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.
"Nice mouf, can I see her twat"?
Totally pissed at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arm and jams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's you-know-what, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.
The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.
"Perhapth I should rephrathe that. Can I thee her wun awound a widdle bit"?

The Life Cycle

I think the life cycle is all backwards

You should start out dead and get it out of the way.

Then, you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.

You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension, then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.

You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School.

You go to primary school, you become a kid , you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, and then...

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions; central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters every day, and then, you finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case.

uummm....against my better judgement...Kev wins..with DTS auction tale a close 2nd!

Timm,
Who the hell appointed you as humor critic?
Post one and we'll all either laugh or judge.
Put up or shut up.
DTS

Little grouchy,dude! Other thread for that. I said yours was very good,quit bitching. Tsk Tsk Later

An old lady is riding in an elevator in a lavish New York building, when a young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume. She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, "Romance", by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!" Then another young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, and also very arrogantly says "Chanel #5 $200 an ounce!" About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks at both women in the eye, then bends over and farts and says "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound!"

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his companys' Super Bowl party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he'd done something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees are 2 aspirin and a glass of water on the side table. and,next to them, a single rose! Jack sits up in bed and sees his clothing in front of him all pressed and clean. He looks around the room and notices it is spotless. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and cringes as he sees a huge black eye staring at him in the mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it with a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick! "Honey, your breakfast is on the stove. I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight! I love you,darling! Love, Jillian" He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast, steaming coffee, and the morning paper. His son is also at the table,eating. Jack says "Son...what happened last night? Well, you came home after 3am last night, drunk out of your mind. you fell over the coffee table and broke it, puked in the hall and got that black eye when you ran into the door" So,why is everything in such perfect order, so clean? I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? His son replies "oh THAT!...Mom dragged you into the bedroom, and when she tried to take off your pants, you screamed, "Leave me alone,lady, I'm married!" Broken table 139.99 hot breakfast 4.20 Two aspirin .38 Saying the right thing, at the right time...PRICELESS!

Good ones Timm Here's todays...

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balchoy."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and St. Peter asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."

Dumba$$ people calling tech support
 

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my
desk... sorry....

===============

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

===============

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill
Gates.

===============

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print every time I
try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed
it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

===============

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah............thank you.

===============

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

===============

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...
! ; ====== =========

Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital
letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
== =============

Customer: Can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

===============

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

===============

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my
computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

===============

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the
circle around it?
===============

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The
man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is
working fine."

===============

And last but not least...

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same
time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the
letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.Custom er: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

Very good Whorst. LOL!

A blonde wanted to go fishing. She'd see many books on the subject, and finally getting all the tools together, she made for the ice. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE" Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE" The blonde,now worried, moved away, clear down to the other end of the ice. She set her stool down and tried to cut her hole. The voice came once more, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE" She stopped, looked skyward,and said "is that you,Lord?" The voice replied "NO, this is the manager of the Hockey Rink!"

Four guys and a woman are stuck in an elevator.
While they are stuck, they strike up a conversation.

The first guy says, "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E. , you know...
''Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist.''

The second guy says, "I'm a D.I.N.K.Y., you know...
''Double Income, No Kids Yet. "

The third guy says, "I'm a R.U.B., you know...
''Rich, Urban, Biker. "

The fourth guy says, I am a D.I.L.D.O., you know...
''Double Income, Little Dog Owner.''

They turn to the woman and ask her.
''What are you?''

She replies: "I'm a WIFE, you know...
Wash, Iron, F*ck, Etc.''

A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special -- $99!" So she goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, "I'd like the $99 cruise special, please."
The agent says, "Yes, ma'am," the he grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her into a large inner tube, pulls her out the back door and downhill to the river bank, where he pushes her in and sends her floating down the river.
A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays down her money, and asks for the $99 special. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river. Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, "Do they serve refreshments on his cruise?"
The second blonde replies, "They didn't last year

A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache."
"Perfect," her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin.
You can take it orally, or as a suppository....it's up to you."

I have to say this is my best one:D

A very ugly woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids.
The Wal-Mart Greeter asks, "Are they twins?"
The ugly woman says, "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they really look alike?"

"No," replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice.

The Naughty Dog

A married man decided to work late to be with his sexy secretary, so he called his wife to make up an excuse.

After work he invited his secretary to dinner. It soon became obvious that he was going to get lucky, so the two went back to her apartment and had great sex for two hours.

Afterward the fellow went to the bathroom to straighten up for the trip home and noticed a huge hickey on his neck.

He panicked, wondering what to tell his wife.

After the man unlocked his front door, his dog came bounding to greet him. Aha, the man thought, and promptly fell to the carpet, pretending to fight off the affectionate animal. Holding his neck with one hand, he said, 'Honey, look what the dog did to my neck!'

'Hell,' she answered, ripping open her blouse. 'Look what he did to my tits!'

Here's a horse and chicken joke from China.
If you think it's good, let me know.
My guess is that there are differences.
I vote it one of the worst I've ever found.
Then again, China keeps buying teasury bonds to offset what we owe them for supplying Walmart...and that's not funny at all either.

The Horse and the Chicken

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said. "Grab for my tail and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story:

If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.

Ohhh... these are SOOOOOOO FUNNY... GREAT JOB..everyone....and keep up the GOOD WORK !!!

A guy driving around the country side and saw a sign in front of a house:

“Talking Dog For Sale.”

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the Lab replies.

“So, what’s your story?”

The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.”

“But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.”

“I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired”

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

“Ten dollars,” the guy says.

“Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”

“Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that ****.”

Found this on the headstone of a grave in an old cemetary:
"ANNA PERRY"
"The children of Israel wanted bread
The Lord gave them manna
Parson Perry wanted a wife
The Devil gave him Anna"

joke of the day?

try the Red Sox...

OUCH! The Yanks are in DA Groove!

All I Need to Know in Life I Learned From My Horse

1. When in doubt, run far, far away.
2. You can never have too many treats.
3. Passing gas in public is nothing to be ashamed of.
4. New shoes are an absolute necessity every 6 weeks.
5. Ignore cues. They're just a prompt to do more work.
6. Everyone loves a good, wet, slobbery kiss.
7. Never run when you can jog. Never jog when you can walk. And never walk when you can stand still.
8. Heaven is eating for at least 10 hours a day... and then sleeping the rest.
10. Eat plenty of roughage.
11. Great legs and a nice rear will get you anywhere. Big, brown eyes help too.
12. When you want your way, stomp hard on the nearest foot.
13. In times of crisis, take a poop.
14. Act dumb when faced with a task you don't want to do.
15. Follow the herd. That way, you can't be singled out to take the blame.
16. A swift kick in the butt will get anyone's attention.
17. Love those who love you back, especially if they have something good to eat.

add your own....

Today's joke of the day (and much truer than you'd ever think)...

The Beginning Of The End
(The TRUTH about owning a horse)

A friend gives you a horse...
You build a small shelter...$750
You fence in a paddock...$450
Purchase small truck to haul hay...$12,000
Purchase a used 2 horse trailer...$2,800
Purchase 2nd horse...$2,500
Build larger shelter with storage...$2,000
More fencing...$1,200
Purchase 3rd horse...$1,500
Purchase 4 horse trailer...$7,500
Purchase larger truck...$18,000
Purchase 4 acres next door...$28,000
More fencing...$2,000
Build small barn...$16,000
Purchase camper for truck...$9,000
Purchase tractor...$12,000
Purchase 4th & 5th horse...$4,500
Purchase 20 acres...$125,000
Build house...$120,000
Build barn...$26,000
More fencing & corrals...$14,000
Build covered arena...$60,000
Purchase Dually...$34,000
Purchase gooseneck w/living quarters...$32,000
Purchase 6th, 7th & 8th horse...$10,750
Hire full time trainer...$40,000
Build house for trainer...$54,000
Buy motor home for shows...$125,000
Hire attorney ? wife leaving you for trainer...$5,000
Declare bankruptcy, wife got everything.
Friend feels sorry for you...gives you a horse.....

Riding a Dead Horse

Subject: Something to think about
The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from one generation to the next, says that when you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.

However, in modern business, because of the heavy investment factors to be taken into consideration, often other strategies have to be tried with dead horses, including the following:

1. Buying a stronger whip.

2. Changing riders.

3. Threatening the horse with termination.

4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.

5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.

6. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.

7. Reclassifying the dead horse as "living-impaired."

8. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.

9. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.

10. Providing additional funding to increase the dead horse's performance.

11. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.

12. Declaring that the dead horse carries lower overhead and therefore performs better than some other horses.

13. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.

14. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.

There was a preacher that was trying to sell his horse. A potential buyer came to the church for a test ride.
"Before you start," the preacher said, "you should know that this horse only responds to church talk. Go is Praise the Lord; and stop is Amen."
So the man on the horse says, "Praise the Lord," and the horse starts to trot.
The man again says, "Praise the Lord," and the horse starts to gallop.
Suddenly there is a cliff right in front of the horse and the man yells "Amen!!!"
The horse stops just at the edge of the cliff.
The man wipes the sweat from his brow and says, "Praise the Lord."

LOL! :D :D :D

a southern belle gets on a plane to fly overseas...a well to do woman sits next to her.

'so where are y'all from' the southern belle asks?
snottily, the other replies 'from a place where we don't misplace our modifiers!'

a minute later, the belle turns to her again and smiles sweetly. 'so where are y'all from, bitch?'

Smart elephant

An Irishman went to London for a visit to the zoo. While there, he saw a man with an elephant act. The man claimed the elephant could look at person and tell that person's age.

The Irishman was very skeptical and said so, in no uncertain terms. The man
had the elephant look at a small boy and the elephant stamped its foot 9 times. "Is that right?" he asked the boy.

"Oh yes." the boy said.

The Irishman was very loud, in his not believing that this was true. The man asked the elephant to tell the ages of several people, and each time the elephant stamped his foot and the people said he was correct.

The Irishman got even louder and more abusive toward the man.
Finally the man could take it no longer and wagered the Irishman that the elephant could look at him and tell him his age. The Irishman took him up on the wager. The elephant looked real close at the Irishman, turned around, raised his tail and cut wind like you wouldn't believe, turned back around and stomped his foot twice.

Whereupon the Irishman stumbled back and with a sound of disbelief in his voice cried, "BeGabbers, he's right! Farty-two!"

Bubba & Earl
Bubba & Earl were in the local bar enjoying a beer when the decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop.

The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize. Earl won 1st prize, a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra-long spaghetti. Bubba won 6th prize, a toilet brush.

About a week or so had passed when the men met back in the neighborhood bar for a couple of beers. Bubba asked Earl how he liked his prize, to which Earl replied, "Great, I love spaghetti! How about you, how's that toilet brush?"

"Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna go back to paper."

Beware of Tree Huggers!
 

While walking through the woods a man came upon another man hugging a
tree with his ear firmly against the tree.

Seeing this, he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you
doing? "I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied.
"You gotta be kiddin' me."

No, would you like to give it a try?"
Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK..." So he wrapped his
arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it. With this, the other
guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car
keys, then stripped him naked and left.

Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed
to the tree stark naked, and asked, "What the hell happened to you?"
He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there. When
he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy,
walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and said,
"this just ain't gonna be your day cupcake..."