My best and most loyal friend is dying ......
 

It's probably not the place for this and you would think I should be a hell of alot better with this given I deal with human suffering and death every day of my profesional life but the one completely selfless loving being I have ever known is leaving our family and I am beyond devastated.

My 12 year old golden "Shadow" (sassy chance and shadow with those with an awareness of that family).....was diagnosed with metastatic lymphoma yesterday. He isn't suffering at the moment but is disinterested in eating and his usual activity......

All this animal ever did was....

1) raise my children ........he had the unique innate ability to lie with young boys at night when they didn't want to be alone until they fell asleep, knowning somehow by the change in their breathing that slumber had befallen them and he could now safely leave their sides each night. The security he gave my sons is not definable.

2) greet me each and every time I came through a door morning, noon or night as if I had come home from a war with the passion and happiness of lovers too long apart.

3) lived to make our family happy each and every day, never cross, complaining or difficult. How many people do you know in your life that haven't got one annoying habit or flaw.

He isn't apparently in pain and has periods of alertness with a wagging tail, alert eyes, affection craving. Is it cruel to hold on to further time together if you think it is quality time from both perspectives.

My friend has done more for me several times over than I have ever done for him, a selfless example of devotion who made every person he lived with a better creature by knowning him. An example of altuism when the word is used all too easily.

Euthanized is a word I have a great deal of a problem with if the animal isn't apparently suffering.

I love my dog so shoot me......the loss is a hole in my head and heart I'll not soon mend.

This ride is not forever for anyone or any being. Be grateful for the time and memories you've gained as many will read your post with envy for the deep relationship you've been so lucky to have.

If God is indeed love and that is what you have gained, give thanks and joy for the gift.

Spyder

Take things one day at a time. I was where you were about five years ago with my first baby girl. She was diagnosed in October and we lost her just before x-mas. She told me when it was time.

Try cooking him some plain rice and chicken breast. Worked for my baby. She ate everything. If she had a hard time chewing, I put everything in a blender for her.

Your best friend will tell you when it is time. Mine told me. I gave her a bath the last night we had her. She LOVED baths.

I know it is hard so just take things one day at a time. It will get easier. It took me two years before I would even consider getting another baby. I am sorry that you are going through this.

I'm so sorry to hear about that, D.

Just take it as it comes and let every day going forward be yet another one of the gifts that every day in the past has been with your bud. Enjoy him, pamper him, let there be no doubt in his mind that you'd do anything for him and give anything to him.

He'll let you know when the physical symptoms are too much for him to handle, they have an uncanny way of letting you know when it's time to say goodbye.

I'm at my desk in tears... this is what we went through with two of our goldens (one at a time.) Jagger and Nugget were the best things to ever happen to our family and I'm unsure of what I would have done growing up without the two of them by my side. Nugget was diagnosed with cancer about two years ago... she had a tumor in her spleen that caused her internal bleeding. Similar to your situation, she 'told' us when she was ready to go... I had to take her in myself and I didn't leave HER side the whole time. It was horrible, and I wish I could say that it will get easier, but it won't. Anyone who has shared that sort of bond with an animal will tell you that the pain never goes away. :(

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

I had to put my dog (Sooner)to sleep after having him for 14 years.His hips slowly gave way (as most Sheperd/Huskie mix do).It was my experience that when the day came to take him to Angell Memorial in Boston,I 'knew' that was the day.Please keep us posted on any updates.

The price we pay for loving and being loved by another is the pain of loss.

By focusing on the love, and not the loss, you'll know the right time and do the right thing.

The loss is never easy. The love remains with you always.

I can feel your sorrow....I had a Golden named Mika that I had from the time she was a puppy until I had to put her down at the beginning of her 14th year. It was real hard...Remember the life not the loss of it
Dave

Nug was 14 too. :(

This reminds me of Richi's post... (for those that didn't get a chance to read it.)

http://www.derbytrail.com/forums/sho...ghlight=Nugget

What a terrible time it is for your family. When I was a child my family had "Mikey" a golden/collie cross. He was a protector, a friend, a family member. When I was little, I called him "Mugadoo."
He was so important to me that on my first day of kindergarten my mom got a call from my teacher asking why I kept calling out "where's mugadoo??!" I guess I assumed that I'd be able to take him to school with me. He'd gone everywher else.
My firend with 3 little kids has a golden named Copper who is a mugadoo-clone.

I'm sure that you will do right by Shadow as he has done right by you for all these years. Having been there, my heart breaks for you and your family.:(

I know few things.

I am certain of just one.

The time we have with those we love is a blessing. The moments we have during a loved one's illness and late days are to be cherished most of all.

Prayers are with you.

Doc, I'm so very, very sorry. Our animal friends grow older before our eyes, outpacing us, and no, it's not fair. We are cognizant of their disease and what the future holds, and they are not. Remember that, as he will still comfort you, for that is his joy and he will be happy in that, while being the source of your anguish.

It is not cruel or selfish to gain one day at a time, or to want more time. I've never seen an owner that loved their pet error in this judgement, never. You and your family will worry over this, but you alone will know when it is time to say goodbye, or when it is still too soon; and you will be sure of that decision in your hearts, and have no doubts when it is finally time. You will be strong for him, because you love him, and because of that, it is impossible for you to error. Do not rush it, although you fear it.

Think of it not as guilt or anger for being forced to play God, but remember what it really is, the last loving act of kindness you do for a beloved friend, and remember that Shadow's last feelings will be the happiness and pleasure of his family holding him and loving him.

Consider pallative chemo if remission isn't an option. Lymphoma, even advanced stage, responds very well to chemo as far as improving quality of life; and dogs do not suffer the side effects humans do. In my experience it can gain them valuable quality of life.

brian's right doc, he'll let you know. hug him and kiss him and love him while you still have him.

we just went through this first week in april with our cat, Callie.
her mind was still good but her kidneys were failing and her legs were failing.
the house is still empty.:(

doc hope u get through this ok, I remember a few months ago when my doggie was sick I thought it was it, but the ol girl is still alive and kickin. I know im fortunate everyday my doggie is alive

Like everyone else has said, he will let you know. And no, it isn't cruel to hold on if life is comfortable from his perspective.

I truly feel your pain, as I just went through this 2 weeks ago with one of my dogs. He ruptured a disk, it compressed his spinal cord, and he was paralyzed when I found him. He and I both knew it was the end. It was the hardest thing to do, but at the same time the easiest.

My thoughts and sympathies are with you in this difficult time.

It sounds to me that Shadow has been a loyal solider for you over the years. I'd think of it this way, he's been there for you and yours all these years and he needs you guys now more than ever.

That's the best you can do for him for all his years of getting you through day by day, and I trust he will tell you when he has had enough. Savior the days and cherish the memories which will last forever.

We lost our German Shepherd tragically young (age 6) to cancer in February 2005. It's a tough road to go.

Best wishes that you can focus on the gift of knowing this dog and the great memories you have that can help mitigate the grief.

Doc, I feel for you tremendously. I have had two golden's in my lifetime, Dixie and Libby. Libby is currently 5 years old and is exactly what you described above. Greets me all the time, I am the one she comes to when she wants to play and run around, it is great. They are unbelievable dogs

My family had to make the same decision you will inevitably have to make about 5 Thanksgiving's ago. That Wednesday before we had to put 'Dixie' down for the exact same reason as yours. I was away at college at the time and just got home, my mom didn't tell me about it because she knew I would take it hard. I got home, was able to say good-bye and it just needed to be done. We tried to keep her around as long as possible. What is nice is that my mom made a plate of cement and put her paws in it, and has this little thing in the backyard as it is still her 'yard' per say.

I am so sorry for you and your family. The pain does ease but is truly never completely erased. I have tears in my eyes now thinking about putting my sweet Dalmation to sleep 6 years ago, she was 14 years old and told me that it was time. It was the last loving thing I could do for her while she was on this earth. I share my life now with a lovely Bluetick Coonhound who is the beneficiary of the excellent training I recieved from my Dalmation.

As many others have said Shadow will let you know when it is time. If he is not in pain and able to have a reasonable quality of life it is not selfish to continue living and loving each other.

Every day is a gift. Please keep us posted. I will keep you in my thoughts

Hang in there Doc. Cherish the last time you have left with Shadow.

I lost my Dalmation, Abby (named after a Greyhound that I cashed several tickets on in Miami, Anna's Abby) 2 years ago and this is the first I have spoken of it. It absolutely crushed me and still does just writing this. She was 13 and her first 8 years were when I was single and it was just me and Abby. We had many long talks about life and she was the best listener. The last 5 years were with my wife and kids and she took the change well and became one of the family. She was a wreck in the end. Bad heart murmer, going blind, bad hip etc...when the incessant nose bleeds began, we knew it was time.

My wife and kids want another dog, but I have put them off because I don't know if I can go through that again.

I just rescued another one from the pound. She was going to be put to sleep. :(

As hard as it is when you lose them, sometimes having another one around causing trouble eases the pain. I got Coal (lab rescue) a few months after we lost our younger golden, Jagger. Jag had a brain aneurysm and it all went downhill from there. I got Coal to keep Nug company... Nugget was devastated when Jagger was gone. :(

I can feel the love and pain in your post, don't be embarassed about loving an animal and suffering their loss. I know how you feel, and trust me a lot of my animals who have passed on have meant FAR more to me than a lot of people. It's a fact that our animals are an integral part of our lives, their loss is no more devastating because they have 4 legs, it's how much they mean to us, I spend a lot of time everyday with my dogs and my horses, they become a part of your life and you rely on them so much.
I think you will find you will know when it is time to let your pal go, they let you know, and again, my sympathy to you, what a lucky dog to be loved so much. :)

Doc,
All I can say is that I'm really sad for you. Just don't give up hope.
My 14 yo Brittany, ol' bird dog that he is, almost died this past winter.
I kept him going and he's still going...sleeping at my feet as I type this.
So, as long as your critter isn't in discomfort, keep the hope.
I hope so for you and your family.
All living things that are loved cause us pain when they leave our lives.
All must pass.
If it's any comfort, I believe that there will be a reunion at some point.
It's not in time.
A Zen master once told me to think of a river, all flowing towards an unknown destination. Then the river finds a cliff and disintergrates into millions of droplets, all continuing the journey, each independent for a moment as a beautiful waterfall is realized. Only from a distance can it be seen and appreciated.
Then the droplets reach the bottom of the waterfall.
They reunite.
The river continues onward.

I hope for you and your friend.
DTS

When our shepherd died at age 6, that was the first dog since childhood that I had to say goodbye to, and I wondered if I wanted to go through that again. But my wife and son were adamant about moving on and we got two dogs to replace Keno; one just couldn't do it, and frankly they haven't "replaced" him. That being said, they have brought us a lot of joy the last two years.

It's a cliche, but the "better to have loved and lost..." line is correct, I think. Or as Bruce Springsteen says in Badlands: "Badlands you gotta live it every day, let the broken hearts stand, that's the price you gotta pay."

Again, good luck during this difficult period.

I have tried three times before this to write this reply but I am so overcome by the swell of support and kindness from all of you, most of you I haven't met, that my keyboard stammers and stutters. In an hour 150 people looked at the original post and 20 from around the country took time from their busy day to ease my pain and support my family.

About a year ago I came upon a website about horse racing and somehow I left with a membership in a family from all walks of life that typifies what is good about the human condition and how we share each other's emotions good and bad, happy and sad.

Thank you all for your kindness during my hour of need and may we all pause for a moment this evening with whatever family means to you to simply enjoy the gift of the connection with them because it makes us all better people as you all have made me feel today.

Sumwonlovesyou........and it may be the community of Derby Trail.

God Bless You All.....

Get another one. I thought the same thing but trust me, it is just as awesome as it was with the old dog. Even better becuase you know to cherish everything even more

Word Doc....Word...

I got this itchy burning sensation I need some help with, any advice? :)

I hope to God it's your fingers 'itching and burning' to forward me some of that cash flow and not something else! Hehehe :D

just trying to lighten up the thread a little bit....For the record and all the DT ladies that are eagerly awaiting Scav's arrival to Toga, there is no itchy burning sensation

Doc,
Your words say so much.
Yes, all things happen, though at times we don't understand.
I believe that there is intent beyond our understanding.
Yes, it pushes us to connect (see the waterfall metaphor).
If anything is demonstated by all of the posts in this thread, please find that we all have the capacity to "feel"...and to "love".
God bless, and peace.
DTS

I can spot you a little antimicrobial supply SCAV'S just in case your ROLL spills over into other parts of your life.:D







.....I haven't lost my sense of humor Shadow would never allow it!!!

I am so sorry for you pain. Do not feel like you cant post your thoughts. I lost Reno my 14yr old Rott., who I had since she was 5 weeks old. The biggest (125lbs) lap/bed dog you would ever meet. Did not like to be outside unless to do her business, she said that it was to hot for her not to be in the A/C.lol If the truck left, she was gonna be in it. Figured I would break her of wanting to go everytime the truck left, so took her with me to Delta Downs, from Baton Rouge to pick up a horse. I just knew the long trip would do the trick,,,yeah right. Got back at 4pm, decided to go to the store at 5pm and she was waiting at the truck door by the time I got my cell phone and purse on my shoulder!! I dont care what anyone says, they are like family and it hurts so much when they go, it has been 5 years and I still miss "Fatty Patty" every day.

Doc,

As others have said, Shadow will let you know when it is time to say good bye. In Feb. I had to put my our cat to sleep and it was probably one of the most difficult things I ever had to do. I knew that it was time, and I was comformted by the fact that the Vet. said it was the absolutly the right thing to do for the cat.

My thoughts are with your in time of need.

There are effective alternatives beyond allopathic methods. I realize that someone with your background will most likely disagree with that statement, but heck, why not look into other methods??

Either way, I wish the both of you well through this.

Isn't it unreal how a small virtual community can have such a REAL impact on your life and emotions? I read your post about your dog, and like many here have already expressed, I can relate exactly to your emotion and feel your pain. The way you wrote it out was very open and honest and therefore made it instantly obvious to everyone your dilemma. I think it says a lot that you chose this place, DerbyTrail, to express those emotions, private painful feelings. I think you did so because you needed to get it out, to tell people, and its here that you feel comfortable.
I admire you for sharing your feelings at this sad time. None of us are without this kind of pain from time to time, its the price we pay for loving our pets, or others.

Doc: I couldn't say it any better than this post by Unstable! Thank you for sharing this story, and may the next few months with your "Shadow" be the best!

Doc, you're a great guy and it was really a pleasure to meet you... and as we are all fans of animals here we can share your pain. Hang in there and feel the support of everyone.
Regards- Phil

Doctor;



Mr. M.D. ...can you tell me..........oh skip it. Just trying to help out here.

But you wrote your lament so skillfully it evokes extra emotion.It's odd how doggies can be like people.

None of this will make you feel better,but I woud think typing it out as you did helps in itself.I would think you will see your great friend again some day as I feel,not that I can explain,it will be that way.

Best to you,sir.

Doc,

Theres few things in this life that are harder to take than that of a family member passing. When our dog Hunter (RIP) left us, there was this huge void in our lives. We had to pick up the peices and get on with it, as tough as it seems. My prayers will be with you, especially knowing the pain that it causes.

I'm so very sorry for you, doc.

My buddies are getting up there in years, too, and I really understand your pain.