I'm holding a press conference here right now
 

I've recieved a contract extension and will be posting here through the 2012 season.

Certainly, those close to me have felt retirement after the upcoming triple crown series was the right way to go out.

However, this season still looks very promising. There is continuing instability in the Paddock with a fresh collection of recent new arrivals. Not to mention the random wild card of a PG 1985 meltdown and subsquent banning which normally comes days after the Derby.

Esoteric Central has markedly declined over the last year or so...it's basically a ghost-town littered with mostly lame threads and slapdick quality posts. However, the sudden revival of Beulah Racing could lead to an Eso Cent form reversal.

Politics/Society is unarguably the biggest sh!thole going...however, we do have a Presidential election coming up drenched in class and racial overtones.

Sports Bar & Grill is again relevant to me as Randy Moss is currently employed with the San Fran 49ers and is still doing self-hosted Internet TV shows.

I am going to take my girlfriend out to a nice dinner at TGI Friday's tonight and explain the situation as gently as possible to her.

you're doing this all wrong. you are supposed to announce repeatedly that you're retiring, who will take your place, etc, etc. you're actually supposed to leave to much fanfare, and then return and say oh, i've decided not to retire.

:D

lol
 

lol ;) retire hahahahaahahahah... if you need a break just say it...
anyways your a funny character and you write good stuff :tro:

what ever you do, don't retire

go on vacation ,take some time off ........

The Rock says it doesn't matter.........

Can you smell what the Rock is cookinnnnnngggggg.......

You had me at rate the hats

Can we get a weekly ask Calzone Lord anything segment? For an hour you can answer questions about racing, sock care, subway etc....

A Fireside Chat?

Sure, ask away.

No subject or topic is off limit.

If the derby was today and no one was compromised by post position, who would you use as key horses?

If Zenyatta is omnipotent, can she create a boulder that even she can't lift?

Dullahan, Daddy Knows Best, and Creative Cause will be on all of my tickets.

Those are clearly the three most likely horses to finish on the board imo.

Dullahan and Daddy Knows Best are (even with Trinniberg in) still more likely to finish 2nd or 3rd than win.

It's a large field and a competitive race ... the winner is sometimes unpredictable because they show a tactical dimension no one could have confidently predicted before the race.

I don't know what omnipoten even means.

I just found Zenyatta's first two races on VHS tape complete with TVG coverage. Ken Rudolph predicted she would win the KY Oaks right after her 2nd career start...considering she was just a month away from turning age 4 ... anything is possible I suppose.

God I miss Ken..

http://gooddaysacramento.cbslocal.co...en-in-the-wiz/

Thankfully, his contract wasn't renewed.

How do you recommend attacking an all-you-can-eat buffet for maximum dollar cost efficiency - both chronologically, and in order of preference?

Is there a time limit? :rolleyes:

This is vitally important. No time limit, but bearing in mind the time of day. Like on Wood Memorial day at Aqueduct for instance, the buffet started with brunch but at a certain point in the afternoon, they went to strictly dinner food items. An astute buffet'er may have gone breakfast, lunch, desert, dinner, desert in that scenario - I'd be interested in Mr. Salvatore's take.


Excellent question, Matt.

I'm honestly not a buffet fan ... the quality of the food is typically awful and I'm too game and will eat a ton of crappy food and get sick.

However, Derby Lane's buffet freaking rocks.

I focused on the Omellete chef first. I had that MoFo make me two different Ommy's loaded up before I hit the buffet. It's pretty much off to the races after that. You better work out like hell if you're going to spend a winter in the Tampa/St Pete area ... because that Derby Lane buffet will fatten you up.

Strip Club buffets I'll do ... but only because my motto is "if it's free, its for me, and I'll take three"

The only other buffet I'll do is a Chink Grub style Buffet. You've got to catch them at the absolute busiest time of day ... so you're not eating food that's been sitting out all the time.

I always hit up The General Sal's chicken first. Lo Mein, fried rice, won ton soup, Italian Shrimp, chicken and mushrooms, egg rolls, and that's pretty much the rotation. The best thing on any Chink grub menu is something called "Singapore Chow Mei Fun" ... however, you never find this served with buffets.

Yes, she can, but us mere mortals are incapable of understanding the space/time physics involved with such a feat.

Do you recommend handicapping and waging during buffet consumption?

Waging?

He's never waged in his life.

Absolutely.

Eating and soda drinking a lot is very comforting. Grub up especially if you're a little cold or borderline on tilt.

You will turn into a fat fucl< if you don't workout though.

If the buffet isn't an option -- have chewing gum like Juicy Fruit or Big Red handy. No Spearmint, Spearmint blows.

I worked as a teller for a few months when I was 18.

Yeah, but wasn't that more odds manipulation than wagering?

Anything to get an edge...but no, I took the job because I needed money.

Why do the Chinese and Mexicans want to drive in the fast lane at 30 MPH ?

Have you had the breakfast sandwhiches at Subway? Are any of them worth a try?

I seem to recall a stint as a used car salesman as well for you.

F.......marry........kill?
RHT1985, Indian Charlie, Randy Moss

Would handicappers be more likely to think Larry Jones is juicing his horses if he wore a fedora instead of a cowboy hat?

why did the chicken cross the road?

paper or plastic? boxers or briefs?

What derby horse(s) are most likely to show a dimension not seen before and get up to destroy my superfecta ticket causing me to go on one of my patented rants?

Perhaps you should go to the Oracle himself, RockTardHen.

You just have to know how to properly phrase the question.

"Oracle Rock Tard, can you tell me who to completely dismiss from the exotics in the upcoming Kentucky Derby?"

Dear God (and no, I don't mean you, Dougie):

Thank you!

xoxoxox

Sighty

They were OK but not a good value.

However, for the rest of April ... it's buy one six-inch get one free until 9AM.

Here's how a pro handles this deal...

You ask for two six-inch steak subs on either Italian Herbs and Cheese or Flatbred depending on mood ... you get provalone cheese, green peppers, jalipenos, and chipolte all put on the sub BEFORE the sandwhich artist toasts it.

Further, ask the sandwhich artist to cut up 3 jalipenos. If she's real bitchy, she might give you a dirty look...but she will do it. I only prefer 3 cut-up jalipenos on my sub.

Ok, after the sub gets finished toasting. Always get lettuce, olives, and parm cheese.

And there you have it ... that's how a pro handles Subway. Please don't go after 9AM when the special runs out ... you'll get ripped off with overpriced grub.

You are getting ripped off before 9 AM as well.

This is a game gay men and women play...

Sorry you had to find out like this.

We don't have many in Erie.

The only place you find Asians around here other than at their resteraunts is at the Baccarat or Paigow tables.

I never see Mexicans anywhere.

:tro:

The fact that he wears a cowboy hat might make your avg pretty horsey person think he's a REAL horsemen ... but his hat selection won't impact what handicappers think of him.

Probably Dominguez on Hansen. Maybe he gets him to settle from about 8 off of it...and somehow it works and he runs better than ever.

Over/under on P Val's next "retirement"?