Slow news day today...not much going on with all the turkeys being appreciated, all the stuffing being stuffed.
Speaking of "stuffed", it seems that Rosie O'D, babe that she is, has found "bonding" with another big boat.
So, today's match...Big Rosie and Norwegian Pearl. Christening happens.
http://www.zwire.com/site/news.cfm?B...&PAG=461&rfi=9
Smooth sailing ahead for both "ships".

pass the gang plank, hoist the yard arm, ahoy matey!

Escape artist David Blaine has pulled off another amazing feat. This one will benefit many people in need. I hope to match him with Secretary of State Condi Rice so he can give her some "escape tactics" from the spinning gyro called Iraq. Plenty of needy people live there too.
http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?set_i...4369961605B225

pass the gyro, baclava later

The buzz is all about Dick Cheney meeting up with buddy-boy King Abdullah in Saudi Arabia. It is hoped that they renew old times and have a great time.
Seems that the King hunts with falcons and insisted that VP Cheney leave his shotgun at home. Perhaps the after hunt festivities in the privacy of the tent will bring another chapter to the "Arabian Nights", as long as there's plenty of vasoline to rub on any penetrations to Richard's bouncy bottom.

The real buzzzzzz today involves the two lovely peroxide "blondes", Britney and Paris, sporting matching leopard outfits. Can anyone remember the words to the classic ballad "Any Port in the Storm"?
Are they doing rehearsals for their upcoming video to rival the "Baby back ribs Smokin' Mountain" that will feature a one timer whose name starts with a B?
Seems that Britney and Paris will not be outdone. Wiggle those fancy spotted bottoms but please don't sing. Humming will be enough.
Is the sequel going to feature tiger stripes? I'll stay tuned.
You both know how to continue to dish out the "red meat".

http://people.aol.com/people/gallery...1364_1,00.html

pass the k-y jelly, no peanut butter necessary, it's "sticky" doncha know?

Go Mick! Charlie! Keith! And the other guy...
You set a record (no pun) with your tour.
Now Mick can buy a nice meal at his favorite "Anorexic Restaurant"...dang, they're closed again...and Kieth can score some "good stuff" (wink).
Sure wish Brian Jones had stuck around long enough to savor the moment.
Heck, old rockers never die. Once it's in your blood, the only thing left to do is remove the needle, if ya know what I'm sayin'.
Congrats to the geriatric rockers. Hope your record lasts for a long time.

http://www.playfuls.com/news_0000171...ad_Again_.html

pass the "geritol" and anything else that keeps the juices flowing

Gotta love those "royals". The boys are tossing a memorial concert for Mommy Di to remember the tenth year of her passing.
Prince Charles has purchased a "modest" love palace in Wales and is showing lots of "stiffness". What's with all these empty viagra bottles all over the grounds? Keep it "up" Charlie!
http://www.thedailyreel.com/news-opi...=1164128007.64

Well, back to today's celeb match. Camilla Parker-Bowles doesn't seem to be very impressed by the effort to raise the flag on that twisted flagpole.
Can't say I blame her.
And knowing how she loves the riders, especially the ones that know how to use the sturrips and have a good seat, nothing really surprises. Her first husband knew riding, right?
So, could anyone blame her if she dumps droopy ol' Charlie for a real rider?
Could anyone be more of a match for lovely Camilla than Jerry Bailey?
I knew you'd agree. Just don't tell the "polo guy". He thought he could ride, right?

pass the carrots, watercress later

Now that the Pope agitator is making excuses for his words in the mold of Michael Richards, one to the Islamic people in Turkey, the other to Rev Al Sharpton and Rev Jesse Jackson, seems like today's match is a match made in "heaven".
I'm hoping that Pope Benedict XVI finally hooks up with Jesus.
Yes, you heard me.
Jesus, the One that forgave sins, the One that accepted all to salvation.
Seems that Pope B keeps swinging the bat but misses the ball.
No matter how many strikes, you're really never out Pope B.
It's time you found out about what Jesus was really about.
And who knocked up the 16yo that starred in the first premier of a film at the Vatican? HMMMM?
http://www.courierpostonline.com/app...44/1004/LIVING

Today's match....Pope Benedict XVI and Jesus. It's about time!
Jesus will forgive you Rat guy. Just ask. He's far more tolerant than the Islamic people you are seeking forgiveness from, that you inflamed with your words. I hope you "hook up" with Him sometime soon.

pass the wine

Pam and Kid...split? Wow, I was hoping this one would last.

Pamela Anderson's poetry
Great news tonight for Borat. After three different weddings, Pamela Anderson is divorcing her husband of less than four months. Apparently that is the length of time it takes to form irreconcilable differences. Anderson, summing up here marriage woes on her website with an almost Haiku like announcement: "Divorce, yes it’s true, unfortunately impossible."

Kid Rock and Ms. Anderson were engaged four years ago, then broke up, then spent their summer getting married, first in France in July, then in Beverly Hills at the beginning of August, then again in Nashville. The quick turn around between marriages, plural, and divorce, definitely surprising at least one publication today, this month’s issue of GQ Magazine, the same one that includes the Men of the Year, including me, named Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock the newlyweds of the year. You won’t see them at the dinner Wednesday night.

Pam, if ya need some friends to hang with, give Brit and Paris a call.
If ya really want to hang, you can always get more silicone.
A little more botox might work too, cause, ya ain't gettin' any younger, doncha know?
Good luck ya Baywatch babe. Kick up some sand!
What's David H doing lately?

pass the silly putty

Follow up...

http://www.playfuls.com/news_0003531...er_Prince.html

"Snoop" gone wild....
Don't know who the cell mate is gonna be, bt that's today's match.
The story says it all.
http://people.aol.com/people/article...563973,00.html

pass the hacksaw blade

"No Spin Zone" Bill O'Reilly seems to be "spinning out of control" lately.
Today's match involves the bet he made with Janeane Gorofalo.
I sure hope that after puts away her whip when she's provided appropriate punishment, that after Billy slinks under the bed to rub cooling salve on the wounds, that Ann Coulter climbs aboard and takes her lickin' like the fraud she is. Janeane, I'd give her a few extras. bill deserves about five more if and when he climbs out from under the bed, just for welching on his bet.
http://www.sweetjesusihatebilloreill...ve/102706.html

pass an ice pack (or two) to rub on the sore spots. Let the "tops" keep spinning until they fall over. They always do.

Since Brit is letting it all hang out while she parties with Paris, seems only fair to match Danny Devito with some "party buddies".
George Clooney got him started. So lets just keep the "buzzzzzz" going for as
long as the feeling lasts. Just as long as you're not driving Danny.
How about doing the rounds with Mel Gibson? Mark Foley when he needs a true friend after rehab? Do I hear triple date?
Mel and Paris?
Danny and Brit?
Mark and Barbara W? Sure that one will help the "recovery".
Party on dudes!!!!!!
They're hot! They're ready!
Ask Brit what she did with her "panties" and get back.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,233277,00.html

pass the bottle

Now that Barbara Walters has accepted Danny's sincere apology and declared her love, seems like these two could be going places.
http://www.allheadlinenews.com/articles/7005692190

Are they going to trade glazed stares across the table at their favorite tavern? Will they share umbrellas from those rum concoctions as they sip the night away? Will they order boiler makers or just do tequila shots?
My bet will be on Danny to see which one ends "up" under the table.
Now, if they could convice Hillary and John McC to tag along for a night of pounding them down, that would be another night to remember.
I hope they don't sing any silly songs.

pass the salt, lemon, and Cazadores

I had no idea that Brit, Paris, Lindsey, and Cameron really intended to show those beavers for what they really are!
The pics are all over the net.
And for beaver lovers, there's plenty of flash of those fine furry rodents.
Lady undergarments manufacturers are up in arms about the doings down under, cause the fashion statements being made are sure to start a trend that will cause them to lose market share, modestly speaking.
The truth is, I really like beavers. The semi-aquatic rodents just nibble their days away, swim around some, and build their dams...but who gives a dam anyway? If the pond is wide open for all to see, and ducks fly in to feast on the vegetation, are you gonna blame the beavers? They're just doing what comes naturally, or au naturel, as they say.
If you haven't tracked down the beaver sites, you might just want to make a mental image of a clam wearing a toupe. Looks about the same.
Hey, where's Ward been lately, or Jerry Mathers for that matter? I always liked 'Leave it to Beaver"...aww Beav!
Nice to know the "girls" like showing them for what those beavers are really all about. Maybe more than we need to see.
http://www.nationalledger.com/artman...72610192.shtml

pass the poplar twigs...no tabasco needed.

BEAVER PICTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.beaversww.org/beaver.html

DTS,

You are really a trip and I enjoy your articles very much. Keep em coming!

Spyder,
Good you're likin' the "scoops".
Today's match is a bit strange. Danny is no longer the focus. He's been sleeping a lot lately.
George (elligible bachelor) Clooney, Danny's drinking buddy seems to have found his match. After pouring lots of shots into her all night, he had her back in bed at his "pad" by 11:30. You can read it here for yourself...
http://people.aol.com/people/article...565044,00.html
Yes, it's true. At least according to those that saw him staggering out the restaurant door on his way to his limo, with the beautiful (if a bit green) palm tree under his arm.
Talk about a "woody"!

pass the miracle grow and hope for lots of coconuts

News today is that George C and his liquored up "palm" are still getting along fine. Neither is complaining, so it looks like this relationship should last a while. Does anyone know the secrets of "palm oil"?

Anyway, J Lo and her first husband, Noa seem to be at a point of dispute about his upcoming tell all. Doesn't look good for them to reunite any time soon, but we all hold out hope.
Is J Lo a bit tiffed that Brit, Paris, and Lindsay are getting all the buzz?
Spread some honey on it honey! Might make you "sweeter".
Whacha hidin' anyway? Ask Brit to give ya lessons about how to get out of a car. She'll teach ya a thing or two. If ya want the headlines, ya have to show the whole spread.

http://apnews.myway.com//article/200...D8LOLIRO0.html

pass the clover blossom honey, honey.

Spyder,
Did you notice the jump on "views" this thread got when I said I posted there was a "beaver picture" posted here on the other thread?
LMFAO!!!!!!
Hope all the "curious minds" found what they wanted to see.
I even posted a recipe for "beaver" in the recipes.
YUM!!! Eat 'em up!

Dts
 

Yea, your mean to us old married men looking for a little beaver and ending up taking a trip to the zoo!

If I were a publisher I'd back a book of these tid bits your posting. I hope others are taking in the show.

Good job and keep'em coming.

The horses, winners sometimes.... DTS posts..WINNER all the time.

Spyder from SC

Lindsay or Jade? Jade or Linsay?
I can't tell these two apart now that they're dressing like identical twins.
Don't know who to match them with, maybe those two guys on the "Antiques Road Show"...the guys that know so much about pricey furniture.
Now wouldn't that be a confusing "double date"?
And whatever happened to the "Double Mint Twins"? Remember them?
Double your pleasure, double your fun....
If you can figure out which one is Linsay and which one is Jade, help me out.
This twin stuff is confusing!
http://people.aol.com/people/gallery...061274,00.html

pass the spearmint chewing gum

Today, Mr Bolton, bully UN ambassador has decided to err...umm..not exactly resign, but rather "step down". He might have gotten a clue that his "services" were no longer needed.

http://newsblogs.chicagotribune.com/...un_ambass.html

So, you're probably wondering who is he going to matched with as he passes the time standing in the unemployment line. There can be only one that can deal with his "manners" and that lovely walrus moustache.... the beautiful, and also unemployed, killer whale that recently tried to kill her trainer at Sea World in San Diego. Perfect together!
Give him a nice ride black and white babe!
If you see them, toss them a herring.

pass the sushi

it was impossible for me to try to imagine a more unpleasant person alive than Kathie Lee Gifford~however, somewhere they found Kelly Ripa

Bell Rd,
Post #39 is about Kelly. I'll see if I can find out the latest on Kathie Lee.
She's not looking too "good" lately. I wonder if she's still employing children in her sweatshops for her "children's fashion" line.
Is Frank staying "faithful" lately? Is he still talking lessons from his mentor Bill Clinton?
Stay tuned.

Here's one about Kathie Lee, the 31 cent an hour girl. She even hired Anita (gay basher) Bryant's ex-help.
My guess is that they've found comfort in each other's tender arms, Kathie Lee and Anita. What a couple! What's this about not shaving armpits?
http://www.worldfreeinternet.net/news/gifford.htm

Did Rosie O'D dump Anita for Kathie Lee?

pass the orange juice or whatever Florida "sunshine" is currently available

I start today by reporting the passing of George Clooney's pot bellied pig of "old age". RIP.
Now the news...Eddie Murphy and Melanie Brown have split. Melanie is five months along, and Eddie is not sure of "who's your daddy?".
http://entertainment.iafrica.com/news/509628.htm

Well, i hope these two patch things up and have a nice family together.
If not, is there a chance that Eddie and George will be making the rounds with Paris and Brit? Of course, this might take some time, what with George grieving his demised porker and Eddie waiting for the dna results.
Worth staying tuned to see how this shakes-and bakes.

pass the spice...bacon later

George Clooney's dearly departed pig...RIP Max.
http://www.playfuls.com/news_0003664...al_Heaven.html

Funeral arrangements are as yet undecided, but something about "hickory smoke" and a brine bath might be in the offing.

Once George gets over the loss of Max and returns to his palm, things might improve.

pass the bacon, ham sandwiches...hold the mustard. Brings tears to us during our grief...doncha know.

Brit waits as she practices dancing on Paris's private pole. Wait Brit, and keep dancing. It will be worth it. Have some fried skin, cracklin's, or chops while you're waiting for George to get over it.

pass the dry rub

Jen and Vince...oh well. Let's just be friends.
http://entertainment.iafrica.com/news/513062.htm
pass the popcorn

Today, the Baker/Hamilton special Iraq Commission released their report.
Seems to me that our beloved president seeks answers to the problems he's created as "decider-in-chief".
Well it took a while cruising around the White House site to find the one that's really giving him advice on foreign policy. This is really true!
I couldn't dream of making this up.
Some very famous people have listened to dogs, doncha know? Remember Son of Sam? Huh? Should I mention Rin Tin Tin and Rusty?,How about Timmy and Lassie?
Feel free to go to this site and ask Barney anything you want. He's certainly given all the advice concerning dealing with foreign nations to our beloved umm..err...emper..or.uh ..president.
Barney will tell you anything...just ask. Georgie does, and now, so can you.

http://www.whitehouse.org/ask/barney.asp

Today's match...Dubbya and Barney...bringing freedom to the world, prosperity to the masses, stability in troubled times.

pass the milk-bones...and watch where you step...there's a lot of Barney's and Dubbya's s-h-i-t all around the White House lately.

Finally! A stable devoted couple will have their dream of a child come true.
Congrats to May and Heather! May you show love to your baby and to the others that disapprove of your joy.


http://blogs.chron.com/bluebayou/200...ate_child.html

pass the bubbly

For Cali DT boarders...if you swing by Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott's digs, do a little haggling, you might just pick up some "bargains".
Who doesn't like "yard sales"?
http://people.aol.com/people/article...567839,00.html

Now that Tori is five months along, alnd luckily, Dean isn't questioning paternity, seems they want to move along.
Good luck to them!

pass the 90210 memorobilia

Since George Clooney has found his "palm" on the party night with Danny D,
it only seems fair to find another celeb match with a "tree lover".
Today's features Bette (I'm wearing two pairs of undies) Midler.
Despite her rant about Brit showing the whole forest on more than a few occasions to all that like looking at trees, and especially bushes, it looks like Bette has forgotten her wild times in the "woods". Not for me to remind her.
So, today I'm matching her with her favorite maple, oak, or spruce.
Plant them deep, plant them often. Fertilize as needed.

http://extratv.warnerbros.com/v2/new...08/3/text.html

pass the saw dust

Prince will be doing the halftime show at the Super Bowl this year.
So...hmmm who to match him with?
First thought went to Boy George and Culture Club...but nahh. Is the "community service" over yet?
Next came Pee Wee Herman....maybe take in a movie after.
Nahhh....
The Stones are a no also...after Mick's bad words last year, (and also one of the worst performances ever).
Then Janet Jackson came to mind. Prince and Janet Jackson...YES!!!
They drive up in a little red corvette to the stage. Prince (aka the "artist") hops out, doesn't open her door, runs up the steps to the stage at midfield.
He dons his strato and opens with a few hot licks.
Janet follows...expectantly.
He goes raunchy while Janet bumps around, hoping to join in the "duet".
He won't have it.
Finally, he goes close to her and grabs her leather mini. No wardrobe malfuntion this time! Prince rips it off her like taking off a glove that doesn't fit.
Since Janet is not shopping for the same undies that Brit (her "fashion adviser") isn't wearing either...it should be the "hit" of the show.
It will boost more than ratings!
http://www.cbc.ca/sports/football/st...wl-prince.html

After the show, Prince and Janet push some doorbells to deliver "Watchtower" tracts to the neighborhood.

pass them the mail so they can deliver the letters as well. Give the over worked postal folks a day off...so they can see the "game", and everything else.

The Simple Life star Nicole Richie was arrested early Monday morning on suspicion of driving under the influence after the California Highway Patrol was notified of a car driving the wrong direction on a Los Angeles freeway.

The daughter of music legend Lionel Richie failed a field sobriety test according to CHP chief Michael W. Hiskey. “Our dispatch received several calls early this morning regarding a vehicle headed Northbound in the Southbound car pool lane. We absolutely do not tolerate citizens, whether they are famous or not, using our car pool lanes when driving alone. Ms. Richie was asked by the responding officer to perform a field sobriety test. Her failure to name the Constitutional amendment granting women the right to vote and her inability to name the capital of Kyrgyzstan made our officer suspicious of her sobriety. Had she just said ‘19th’ and ‘Bishkek,’ we likely would have sent her on her way. Those answers literally just roll off my tongue, here, watch – ‘19th, Bishkek, Bishkek, 19th, Bishkek.’ Having been put in such a position with a driver who is obviously too intoxicated to answer even the simplest of questions, our officer had no choice but to bring Ms. Richie in for testing.”

The CHP has stated that Richie’s test results would not be available until sometime Tuesday afternoon.

Richie had apparently spent the night partying at L.A’s ultra-trendy Spider Club. One celeb witness who contacted the CHP shed light on what led to the 91-pound Richie’s run-in with the law. “She was completely out of control all night. I saw her walking around with the same whiskey and diet coke all night. She was there for several hours, and everyone was telling her to stop drinking. But she insisted on having an entire drink. She was tripping everywhere and even spilled the last quarter of her drink on Mischa Barton's emaciated collarbone before she was asked to leave,” said fellow VIP Lisa Loeb.

Spider Club bartender Justin Guarini told sources that Richie had also stopped by his post on her way out. “She came up sloppy drunk asking for directions back to her house. She was irate, just like any perpetually filthy drunk would be, at having been asked to leave. I began to draw her a map on a napkin, but Nick Nolte interrupted me and told Nicole that he knew a faster way. She turned her back to me and took Nick’s map and stumbled out of the club.”

Celebrity reaction was mixed. Richie's The Simple Life co-star Paris Hilton said it was, "not hot." Her new party pal Britney Spears was overheard saying, "Come on y'all, I feel so bad for her y'all. Seriously y'all." On The View this morning, Rosie O'Donnell defiantly defended Richie. She told the audience, "This is obviously just another attempt by radical Christians to push their dangerous beliefs on the rest of us." And American Idol runner-up Clay Aiken shreiked, "OH MY GOSH GIRL, NO WAY!"

Richie’s publicist did not return a message left about the issue.

Brian,
Excellent!
Wonder if the Bush family of driving instructors is involved?
http://elainemeinelsupkis.typepad.co..._clan_mem.html

pass the beer...Dang! If I can't sing, at least I can pound down a cold one!
What steering wheel?
What the "f" was that thump?

So many possible matches today. Should I discuss nicole or Paris? Nahh.
Is Dubby and his foreign affairs adviser, Barney, tail wagger that he is, going to make me confirm that the current advice to ignore the voters' wishes that was expressed in November, is the "story"?....Nahh.
The Iraq study Group and the "negotiating" from Sandra Day? Nahh again.
They're ignored also.
Today's match...drum roll... is David (KKK) Duke and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
They seem to have had their hands under the table in Theran, elbows rythmically pumping, while they denied everything...including their hand shaking. Up and down, up and down. Jerking, jerking, jerking.
http://www.bayoubuzz.com/articles.aspx?aid=9098
Seems that now that Pinochet is in the ground (thankfully), and the one that's killing the hookers in Britain remains at large, Augusto is off the hook.
Could Benedict possibly be involved?
Will David (KKK) Duke become the new foreign policy advisor after Barney chokes on the milkbone?
Who knows?

pass the denial lotion, wrinkle remover, and bull ploppies

Angelina seems to have a lot to read on her lately.
Who needs the Sunday NY Times when you have all that to read on her back?
http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/lifesty...ent_757981.htm
Is it true that she has the first five books of the Bible tattooed to the inside of those gorgeous thighs? More to read...definitely worth studying!
So, maybe if Brad gets tired of his days in the "library", I can match her up with the door to my refrigerator. Plenty to read there as well.

pass the magnifying glass

Looks like this won't be a movie anytime soon, but if it becomes one, perhaps it will be titled "Driving Me Crazy"...as if wasn't enough already.
Yoko and her driver, Koral Karson, appear to have split under some, uhh, umm,
how should I say this?...unsavory circumstances.
Looks like Koral will be having some time to think...in his cell.
http://www.playfuls.com/news_0000186...h_Threats.html

So now that Yoko is driverless, does it seem likely that either Jeff Gordon, or Matt Kennseth will step up to the task of touring Manhatten at the wheel during the off season from NASCAR? Speaking of NASCAR...did anyone notice that Angelina in her pic in the above post looks to have almost as many sponsors on her flanks as Jeff's #24?
And since John McCain plays so well with the NASCAR dads, doesn't it seem likely that he will become Ms Ono's newest suitor? Jeff could drive while Johnny McC and become better acquainted in the back seat (wink, wink).
You heard it here first...Yoko Ono and John McCain, back seat bonding as they weave past taxis and buses on NY cities streets, Jeff at the wheel.

pass the pit crew, just BURN RUBBER! Donuts on the infield..or Cental Park.
Yippie!!!

This isn't really a "celeb match", just a report on the future career of our beloved Vice President, Dick Cheney after his "services" are completed in 2008. Being the "straight shooter" that he is, (just ask his hunting buddies),
it looks like he'll be a guide in Texas, helping the visually impaired to "shoot straight". It sure beats the alternative of becoming a sniper in Baghdad.
Heck, with those five deferments and the affinity for gun play, this job will be perfect for Ol' Smiley. Load em up! Move em out! Ready, aim FIRE!
http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/...n/4401429.html

Be sure to duck and cover, Dick...this ain't "paintball games" at all.
I sure hope they don't miss.

praise God and pass the ammunition. Quails are safe. Just present your best face.

Who's yo' daddy??? Who's yo' daddy???
Seems that the 28 yo "accuser" doesn't know. The Duke lacrosse fellas should be off the hook soon.
So let's just put this mystery together...connect the "dots" and solve it.
Does anyone question why today is Donald Rumsfeld's last day as Secretary of Defense? Do only 16% of the msnbc respondents support his management of the way he conducted the Iraq war? 84% voiced "NO" votes.
Come on Donnie! Give up some DNA so we can all see what you've been doing on your weekends away from the Pentagon. Make all of citizens believers again. You know that the lacrosse kids didn't do it. Let Duke off by allowing a genetic test, Rummy. You know what you did!
At least contribute to the support of this little baby. Don't walk away in failure yet again. Don't deny, don't make up excuses Donnie. Just give up some DNA so that this issue can be "laid" to rest. Rummy, your credibility remains in question until you give up some fluids for lab tests.
You know what you did!

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,236695,00.html#

pass the "formula"

Miss USA, Tara Connor, is about to be stripped by the Donald..the Trump guy.
Miss California might replace her after Donald strips her...of her crown that is.

http://www.gawker.com/news/tmz/why-d...usa-222265.php

Well, Tara...I'm sure you'll do fine after this is over. Miss Teen was a bad influence on ya. Many are getting up for you. It's just hard, hard, hard.
Let's just hope the Donald is gentle.

pass the tiara